


Love Actually

by AGDoren



Series: Adoration [2]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Erotica, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Gabriel Lorca adores Michael Burnham, Modern AU, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2019-11-01 20:30:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 48,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17874344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGDoren/pseuds/AGDoren
Summary: It's been three months since their first date and Michael and Gabriel couldn't be happier together.  They seem to fit together perfectly. But secrets from their past emerge to test the strength and commitment of their new relationship. Can their burgeoning relationship last?





	1. Signals

**Author's Note:**

> FYI I do not have two Lorcas appearing in this fic however the tagging requires either prime Lorca or mirror Lorca rather than just Gabriel Lorca. This is a modern AU though and my characterization draws from both versions so I am tagging both characters hope that doesn't disappoint.

"Are you really gonna do this?" Michael leant against the bathroom door jamb eyeing him with a look of trepidation as he smoothed shaving cream over his beard, her golden-yellow halter dress bright against her dark skin.

"Summer tradition sweetheart."

Normally he preferred to go to a barber shop to get his shave if he could but the owner of the barbershop he normally went to had had a death in the family and they were closed indefinitely so it was either wait, find another barber or keep a full beard for the summer. A shave wasn't hard though he'd need to get his hairline trimmed by a professional a little later.

"You might have chin cleft. You might have dimples." Michael widened her eyes for emphasis.  "I've never seen the lower half of your face."

Gabriel shook his head. "You've seen pictures."

"It's not the same."

With a nice lather of shaving cream applied he picked up his razor. Gabriel spared a glance for Michael and saw her peeking between her fingers at him.

"I don't think I can watch this."

Chuckling Gabriel shook his head and then with a steady hand shaved a clean a swath from the left sideburn down along his jaw. 

Michael gasped in mock horror and he decided to ignore her. You needed to concentrate when you shaved. It took a while to shave a full beard and Michael wandered off into the apartment leaving him alone with his reflection.  Most of it was cleared away with the practiced ease he developed from years in the Navy. Long neat strokes swiping away 90% of his carefully groomed beard and then, of course, he had to come back and clean it up along the neck, his sideburns and just under his nose. Leaving him clean shaven and cool for the summer. 

_ "Good-bye old friend see you in October," Gabe muttered as he rinsed his razor. _

He listened to Michael moving around in the front room playing with Boo and resisted the urge to smile. Just about three months in and they were still going strong. He may have been hasty and driven a bit by insecurity but so far he didn't regret it.

They'd continued to see each other regularly all throughout the spring. They'd hiked lakefront trails, taken in museum exhibits, gone to some of the swankiest restaurants and lounges in the city, hit the theaters and of course shared quiet evenings at home. 

The on and off spring weather had turned dismally gray for June and they'd spent most of that month in. Just last weekend he'd cooked for and they'd had a quiet meal in listening to the rain coming down and the wind rattling the panes. They were supposed to watch L.A. Confidential but she' had a few too many glasses of wine while complaining about the lab and dozed off beside him on the couch after dinner, her head tucked against his shoulder. He'd watched her sleep and let his arm go numb rather than disturb her.  It occurred to him then that he was falling in love with the confident and reserved young woman he'd found on YouTube. 

Gabe studied his reflection checking his neck and the underside of his jaw for stray hairs. Spotting a few he dipped his razor in the water clearing the blade so he could finish his shave. 

After weeks of cold and rain the clouds had blown away, the weather turning surprisingly warm and humid with low 90's for the high and mid-'80s for the low perfect for shorts and trips to the beaches but too hot for a full beard.

It was time to let cooler heads prevail with his traditional shave.

The last of the stray hairs gone Gabe studied his face trying to decide if he looked older or younger without the beard and then decided he didn't care. He cleaned up the lower half of his face with cool water and rubbed his aftershave balm into his skin with the fresh sharp scents of tea tree and citrus blunted by warmer sandalwood.

"I'll be out in a second and we can go." He called to Michael as the sink drained. Michael reappeared as he was wiping down the basin and he faced her with a smile.

"What do you think?"

She scrutinized him, hands fisted on her hips, a suspicious expression on her face.

"Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?"

"Killed him and put him down the garbage disposal."

"Oh damn! I was gonna go with evil alien doppelganger, at least I could rescue you."

She walked up to him and settled her hands on his shoulders. 

"It'll take some getting used to but I think I like it. I get to see more of this handsome face."

"Whatever makes you happy then."

Smiling Michael stood up on tiptoe to give him a lingering kiss.

"Oh that's not bad at all and your aftershave smells really good."

He leaned down to kiss her again but her hands on his shoulders stopped him.

"My parents like to take their boat out to watch the fireworks over the lake for the 4th. You're invited if you're interested." 

Gabriel frowned, "it's the 4th already?"

"In a few days,"  she said head cocked to one side.

He did a quick mental count and realized the 4th of July was a little over a week away. How could it have snuck up on him?

"What do you think? Boat, fireworks, barbecue? I know meeting family is sometimes a big deal but it's just for fun."

"Uh' it's not that.  I'm just flyin' home. It slipped my mind but it's been planned for months."

"Oh." There was a load of questions in the pause.

"It's a short trip. I fly out on the 1st and return on the 5th."

"Seeing family?"

He nodded. That wasn't the reason exactly, but it wasn't a lie either.

"Oh-Okay," her lips twisted to one side.

She was disappointed. He could see it clear as day and he told himself to focus on that and not on how close July 2nd was.

"Now sweetheart normally a day of boating would be fun but this trip is tradition."

"Like your shave?"

"Not exactly. It usually warms up sooner. Chicago is weird."

Michael sighed and force a smile. "I suppose I can't argue with tradition."

"You disappointed?"

"Maybe a teensy bit." She held up her thumb and forefinger to demonstrate. Gabriel captured her hand and kissed it before twining her hand with his.

"Well we have to keep Michael happy so I'll have to think about some ways to make it up to you."

"I do like the sound of that. Tell me more." 

"Well, we're gonna start by getting out of here and heading out for drinks, some dancing and dinner. We'll sit in the beer garden along the river it'll be beautiful but between the flirtin' and  dancin' you'll be desperate to get home and get what ole Gabe has to give you." He winked on the last and Michael rolled her eyes laughing.

"Desperate huh?"

"Just keepin' it real. Not to toot my own horn but you were begging the other night."

"Excuse me, that was an instruction."

"Not when you put the word please in front of it."

"You can't beg for what you're already getting especially when the other person is practically throwing it at you. Who was rubbing up on me talking about some  _ "Are you awake sweetheart?"  _ She finished with a kissy face and he laughed before rubbing his chin.

"I don't sound like that. I sound gruff and sexy and you like it." 

"Ohhh, did I hit a nerve?" 

Rather than respond he leaned in close and whispered in her ear planting a little kiss on the side of her neck.

"Are you awake sweetheart?" 

She sighed and sucked her teeth. "It's not the same without the beard."

Determined not to let her get the last word Gabe said something that he knew would be guaranteed to shut his shy Michael up.

"Yeah, I'll miss the way the smell of your pussy lingered in it."

Michael squeaked too stunned to say anything. More than a little pleased at having stunned her into silence Gabriel started out of the bathroom brushing a few stray hairs from his shoulder. 

* * *

 

They drove out to Fulton Market, formerly an industrial area on the near northwest side the neighborhood was dissected into triangles by roads, railroad tracks, and the Chicago River in some areas you could still see the old cable car lines in streets.

They had to park and walk a bit but it was a nice night and the newly revamped neighborhood made for a good walk. 

The streets were packed with the young people who frequented the trendy boutiques and bakeries in the area and paid for newly rehabbed luxury apartment in prime Chicago locations. The suddenly warm weather and gentle breeze called people out of their homes and music seeped out of nightclubs and bars to lure them in while the lights from a few shops with late hours beckoned. Every door in the city was open to the suddenly warm weather as Chicago's nightlife transformed like a savannah after a sudden and long-awaited storm.

They only had a few short blocks to walk from the parking lot to the restaurant and Gabe settled a comfortable arm around her shoulders as they walked.  Michael pointed to different shops she'd like to visit during the day with enthusiasm her attention on him as he watched the crowd with swelling pride. 

Michael, her mango yellow halter dress, her dark hair picked out into a cloudy soft fro and dressed with a golden yellow flower, her eyes lit with happiness and excitement was a little slice of summer full of warmth and light, a glimmer of heaven radiating outward and everyone they passed could see it. Men and some women checking her out when she wasn't looking some of them shooting him respectful smiles his way and leaving  _ him _ with a smug sense of satisfaction and pride to have her at his side.

There were hateful glances, they would never escape those but Gabe ignored them enjoying the people around them.

The restaurant offered a crowded dance floor and a DJ as well as quieter outdoor seating under a canopy of white Christmas lights along a stretch of the Chicago River. With a full moon, it would be absolutely beautiful. There was a harbor nearby and they could watch the boats rock gently on the rippling surface of the night black river.

They got their table and ordered and drink. Michael insisted they dance before dinner. Gabriel settled his sport coat over the back of his chair and followed Michael to the dance floor. It was Latin night and they both knew their Chacha and salsa pretty well. The sun had set by the time they were both feeling a little breathless and they returned to their table to order appetizers and dinner.

Michael caught him up with the goings on at her lab leaning in close to compete with the noise of the crowd and the music drifting out into the beer garden. It was all loud enough that he didn't register the first pop or the second but the third one jolted him a bit. 

That's when he saw the delighted smile on Michael's face, heard the surprised ohhhh of delight from his fellow diners.  

"It's fireworks," Michael said.

He looked over his shoulder in time to see a spray of purplish fireworks burst into the night sky.

"I forgot the city does them."

"Yeah," he said. "For the fourth?"

"No every Friday in the summer."

"Oh."

"Are you ok?" Michael reached across the table resting one hand atop his and Gabe looked at her quizzically.

"Why do you ask?"

"You look tense all of a sudden."

At that moment Gabriel realized that he was clenching his jaw and told himself to relax, to let his shoulders drop and his jaw loosen.

"Fine, just a bit of a headache."

"We can get dinner to go if you like. I think I might have some Excedrin in my purse."

"We don't need to leave sweetheart but I'll take the Excedrin."

"Are you sure? I don't mind." Michael asked as fished a travel sized bottle of Excedrin from her clutch and he popped two of the little green pills.

"I'm gonna step outside for a second."

"Okay," Michael said but he could see the worry in her face.

"I'm alright, I promise." He leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the cheek before making his way outside. 

Sans the competition of the music the fireworks were loud crackling, popping, shrieking a rain of little explosions. 

He watched them the way they lit up the sky explosions of green, purple, yellow and of course good ole' red, white and blue. 

Anthony had loved them.

_ "Dad, how come we can float in water, but not air?"  _

_ Gabriel considered a moment trying to figure out how to explain scientific concepts he barely understood himself. Having kids was nothing if not humbling. Then, of course, he came up with the obvious. _

_ "Well, son we're lighter than water but not air." _

_ "We are?" Anthony made a face clearly confused by this idea his dark eyes wide. _

_ "Well, a whole pool of water anyway." _

_ "Oh." Anthony went back to eating his bomb pop and Gabriel looked at the clear blue water of his parent's pool sun sparkling on the surface, Anthony's bright yellow pool floaties lying discarded at the poolside. _

_ "Well, then why do people drown?" _

_ "They forget they're lighter than water." _

_ "Oh." _

_ "How come we just don't float like the pool floatie though?" _

_ "Well, you know how birds fly but don't just float off into the sky?" _

_ "Yeah." _

_ "That's kind of how we are in the water. Birds are light enough to fly but not so light they float away." _

_ "Okay. Are we gonna go to the fireworks tomorrow?" The little boy squinted against the shine of the summer sun and melting popsicle dripping down his hand in trails of red and blue. _

_ Gabe couldn't help but smile. The attention span of an eight-year-old one moment he wanted to understand the mysteries of the universe the next moment explosions. _

_ "Course son." _

_ Anthony cheered and sat grinning snaggle-toothed and happy. _

_ "Eat your bomb pop son before it melts."  _

He never got to take  Anthony to those fireworks. 

For a moment he considered calling Katrina but Katrina would be at home busy with Alex and Kathy. She'd would ask why he wasn't talking to Michael and then she'd want to head shrink him about that. He wasn't in the mood, he had a head shrinker. Sometimes your friends knew you a little too well. 

Gabriel ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath he was a little off kilter that was all. It was like that when the 4th snuck up on him.

The 2nd was just two short days away and then the 4th would be over. No need to get sucked in or under. His life was going good. He lived in a great city, had plenty of friends, money to do as he pleased and there was Michael. He smiled just a bit his beautiful, brilliant Michael was waiting for him. His little slice of heaven, there was no reason for him to not enjoy their night. Living meant enjoying life.

Gabriel took a deep breath and headed back inside. Making his way across the crowded dance floor, past sweaty gyrating bodies and outside again to the cooler, quieter beer garden. He reached their table and leaned down to kiss Michael's cheek, lingering a moment to enjoy the sweet soft rose scented perfume she wore and stroke the silky skin of her bare shoulder.

Their appetizers had come in his absence southwestern egg rolls and panko fried shrimp. 

"Looks good."

"Mhmmm. Try one," she held up an egg roll dipped in the sauce that it had come with.

Smiling he leaned forward and let her feed him licking the tangy sauce from the tips of her fingers even as he met her dark eyes across the table. She bit her bottom lip and held his eyes and he leaned back a moment.

"Those are tasty."

"Yeah."

He scooted close to Michael and turned his full attention on her. They talked, he flirted with her, stroking her hands and arms. At his insistence, they continued sharing food and feeding each other. Determined to enjoy his night he kissed and sucked the tips of her dainty fingers and coaxed her into doing the same. He shot her sensual looks, let his eyes linger on her neck or cleavage, brushed her leg and thigh under the table with his.

By the time they finished dinner, he'd infected her with a sexual energy that demanded release and let him forget at least for a little while anything else. He kept his arm around her for the short walk back to the car. Traffic on Lake Shore drive had eased and steering with one hand he settled the other between her thighs as he drove stroking her inner thighs and massaging her cunt until moisture seeped through her panties and into his hand while she made little mewling noises and clung to his arm.

In short order, he was home parking in his spot and helping Michael out of the car.

"Wait."

"What is it?"

"Is the back of my dress wet?" She turned and let him check and Gabe growled low in his throat instinctively shifting his dick at the thought of gliding into her soaked cunt.

"Oh my god, it is." She looked over her shoulder trying to see for herself.

"Here." Glad he'd bothered to wear it Gabe slipped his sport coat off and settled it over her shoulders.  He was tempted to open the car door and just fuck her right there in the car.

"I'm sure we'd get in trouble with your building if someone saw us in your car," Michael whispered soft and breathless as if reading his mind.

"Yeah."

Somehow they walked through the lobby normally, Michael just a bit ahead of him. They shared the elevator ride with several of Gabe's neighbors and even the walk down the hall to his apartment. 

He was capturing her lips for a kiss the moment his apartment door clicked shut they didn't bother with the hallway light. He had her off her feet for that kiss, not a full lift or carry but just pulling her up so he could reach her lips easily one hand palming that perfect round ass of hers as he walked her backward to the bedroom. 

She squirmed in his arms the moment they crossed the threshold and he sat her on her feet.  There was some fumbling, she pulled her lips from his for a moment and then he heard the gentle whoosh of her dress sliding to the floor and her arms came up around his neck.  His hands settled on her hips and he started to lift her legs around his waist but stopped just a bit confused by the way her thong felt under his fingers.

He broke the kiss and reached backward to flick on the light.

"What is it?" Michael asked that question low and breathless.

"What are you wearing?"

She smiled then and took two steps back settling her hands on her hips.

She was naked except for strappy bright pink thong that offered only a patch of lace in the front and three rope-like bands across the hips. Gabe swallowed and unbuckled his pants eyes fixed on that bright pink thong. Heat flooded his loins and he felt himself grow stiffer as he admired her.

That umber skin so warm and soft to the touch, suffused with blood and heat so that it almost seemed to glow, the pulse at her throat that he liked to kiss so he could feel it leap beneath his lips. Her wonderful soft breast, a perfect handful capped with dark sensitive nipples. He stroked himself subconsciously feeling an ache to sheath himself between her legs while she clawed his back. Keeping his eyes on her he pushed his pants and underwear down.

She turned offering him a better view of the rope-like strands across her hips and her plump little rear divided by a single bright pink strip of fabric.

"Do you like it?" Michael looked at him over her shoulder eyes widened, voice sweet and coquettish.

"Well, shit, darlin' you already know I do. Now get your ass on the bed."

She laughed and started to slide the thong down but he reached out one hand to stop her.

"Leave that on sweetheart," he gave her ass a gentle swat and she smiled biting her lower lip, clearly pleased with herself before backing away. 

She settled on his bed a moment before rolling over, settling on all fours and stretching like a cat.

For a long moment, he just took her in. Her heart-shaped bottom, the elegant curve of her back,  the straps of her thong crisscrossing her back and curving invitingly around her hips and of course that delicious little cunt of hers hiding behind a patch of bright pink lace. 

Gabriel knelt behind her, the bed creaking under his weight and she passed him a condom already open. It took a moment to slide that little skin of latex along his length.

"You are so fucking, sexy sweetheart."

Her only response was to hum and push against him enjoying his reaction to her. Gabriel pushed the thong aside and teased her clit briefly before sinking into her heat and warmth with practiced ease. A grin crawled up his face as Michael let out a pleased moan her eyelids fluttering shut. 

She was wet and warm, her skin silk smooth under his hands. He gave her rear a swat and felt a sluice of slick heat as Michael shivered and gasped in response as clenched around him.

_ "Fuck! Michael!" _

He dug his hands into her hips and resisted the urge to spank her again. A few more clenches like that and he'd be done before the night was over. He told himself to concentrate, focusing on the long, slow strokes that Michael liked and angling to hit that deep spot that made her moan. He wanted to work her up, make her whimper and cum while she clutched the sofa cushions. Her body shaking as came, her sweet little cunt tugging on him.

"You feel so good sweetheart, so perfect."

"Gabe," his name came out in a breathy moan as he hit that deep spot. 

"You feel how deep I am sweetheart?"

"Yess," she said it in a soft low quaver that sent a smug pleasure through him. 

"That's where I'm gonna cum lil' darlin'."

She whimpered and shivered.

"You're such a good girl."

Another whimper.

She was so compliant and responsive two of the things that always did him in about Michael. Those contradictory aspects of her personality. The competent professional who could take care of herself in just about any situation and the sweet little sex kitten that could be undone with a few well-timed words.

He began to move faster now, holding tight to her hips the smack, smack, smack sound filling the air as Michael clutched at the pillow cushioning her head.

He kept his eyes on her pretty face, those soft full lips he always enjoyed kissing parted as she moaned, whimpered and gasped. Suddenly he wanted to see all of her.

Gabe leaned forward to cover her body with his own for a moment. 

"I need to see all of you lil' darlin'." He felt her shiver at those words and sat back on his haunches pulling out as he did so.

"Roll over." She complied and he pushed her thighs back to her chest before entering her again.

He settled again between her thighs and began to move again watching her breasts bounce in time with his thrust as he began to move faster before finally leaning forward to capture her sweet soft lips and cup one of those perfect breasts of hers. 

_ This was better. _

"Gabe."

"Open your eyes darlin'."

She opened them with a little gasp, they were completely black with lust. He grinned and began moving faster now. 

"Oh god, Gabe, fuck."

"You gonna cum sweetheart?"

"Yes."

Ready to push her over the brink Gabriel began grinding that deeper inner spot with short quick thrust and he felt Michael begin to shake her cries of pleasure growing louder as she took him deeper before finally cumming that familiar tug, tug, tug, on his dick that took him over the edge as that sense of pressure built  all at once and he felt that familiar tightening in his balls even as she clawed his back her legs wrapped tight around his hips.

There was a perfect moment where everything built, the tension and pressure in his dick holding for just a few sweet seconds of euphoria that seemed to last forever and then came the release that tingling of electricity through his legs and up his spine as he began to thrust almost uncontrollably. He was vaguely aware of Michael warm and wet around him, her gasping breath on his face and then he came in throbbing pulses in time with his heartbeat. 

He lay there tangled with her for several panting breaths stroking her pretty face with one hand, watching her fluttering eyelids and that half smile that always bloomed on her face. 

"Michael I need to deal with the condom."

She pouted up at him.

"I like you where you are."

He chuckled, "Me too darlin', but you might feel differently in a few months."

She sighed and he eased away from her warmth and softness. Gabriel tied the condom with careful fingers, tossed it in the trash and he rolled over on his back. Michael came to him immediately sprawling across his chest and gazing at him with a smile while he toyed with her tiny coils of hair.

"Does sex just stay good like this?"

"Why wouldn't it?"

"I don't know. People talk about it in films."

"Maybe if they don't actually like each other or they stop liking each other. There is a physical side of lust and sure that can fade a bit, but as long as there is a strong emotional connection between the two, mutual respect, admiration it'll fuel the physical side." 

He stroked her dark hair tugging it gently liking the soft springiness of it under her hands.

"Why do you ask?"

She looked away a moment and then back at him and he could feel her wavering, struggling with what she wanted to say and her shyness at saying it. He'd learned to just give her time in these moments.

"Because I like this, between us," she said finally before looking away. 

His mouth went just a bit dry at the admission and he had another of those moments where his heart started to speed up. Before he'd thought about it Gabe caught her chin and tilted her head upward so he could gaze into her eyes. He felt an almost painful surge of emotions at what he saw there; emotions he wasn't ready to share. So instead he captured her lips for another kiss, the hand on her hip digging into the flesh as a sudden need for her took hold of him again.

* * *

 

He hadn't had this particular dream in a couple years, but it was as familiar as any well-worn routine. He was in the old house in Georgia. The one he and Ava had purchased, the one in which they'd planned to shelter all their hopes and dreams. His mother called he knew without picking up, without even looking at it that it was her and that something terrible would happen when he did. Still, he had to answer he couldn't stop himself.

"How's my grandson?"

He started to explain that Anthony was dead, drowned in a neighbor's pool on July 2nd except somehow he knew that that wasn't right. Anthony was alive and they'd buried him.

That, of course, was when the race started and he had to dig up his little boy before he suffocated. And, of course, he was at the cemetery with a shovel. Looking and looking for the headstone with the angel to watch over it and the tree because Anthony was going to be a botanist they were certain. 

Gabriel looked for him with the rest of the family in the Lorca plot but he wasn't there and he had to look for him with Ava's family but he had to find Ava's family and all the while he was looking his little boy was suffocating in the cold, hard ground pressed under six feet of unforgiving earth. 

Anthony calling him all the while his little voice getting weaker and weaker and weaker until it would just stop because with the same dreadful certainty that he knew something bad would happen when he answered the phone he knew that it would because it had before. And he couldn't hear that little voice just stop, he couldn't-

-Gabriel Lorca stared into his darkened bedroom. Moonlight silvery and faint penetrated the curtains casting shadows in the darkness and vague shapes on the ceiling. He started to get out of bed he had to go-  _ Go where? To the cemetery. No that didn't make sense he wasn't in Georgia, was he?  _ No, it was too quiet for his house in Georgia. In Georgia, he'd hear crickets, frogs, night birds, a whole symphony of animals from woods nearby.

It was too quiet here, the only sounds were the sounds of someone breathing even and deep and the occasional whine of a dog.  For a moment he sat on the edge of the bed confused and disoriented still gripped by terror and guilt as his brain sorted out past and present. 

This was Chicago, it was Michael lying beside him breathing deep and even. The unusual quiet came from how high up he was street sounds rarely reached the 20th floor. The dog was Buran his dog. It had been nearly ten years, he was no longer in the Navy. He reached over and gave Michael's thigh a gentle squeeze and then stroked her hair, the feel of the soft springy coils a firm reminder of where he was who he was with. 

It would be ten years on July 2nd, ten years since he'd buried his son. The confusion eased, the terror faded the time for saving Anthony had long passed. But the guilt, even though he knew better now, alone in the middle of the night the guilt surged. 

  
  
  
  



	2. Stop A Ways Down the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the anniversary of Anthony's death approaches Gabriel struggles with unexpectedly high feelings of grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end notes for potential triggers.

In spite of the surge of emotion triggered by the sudden realization that it was summer and July 2nd was just around the corner his weekend wasn't so bad. He had plans with Michael on Saturday and he shook off the effects of that first dream early in the day.

Of course, he dreamt again Saturday night and woke Sunday disturbed and shaken in the middle of the night.  After sitting staring into the dark for a half hour at least Gabriel went to his studio to put the images in his head on paper. He worked on it until sunlight began to fill the room, warm and golden and he heard Michael moving around the apartment the wooden floorboards creaking under her weight. He _was_ a little distracted that morning; if Michael noticed she didn't say anything.

It was worse waking up alone; he knew that from past experience. He'd tried to convince Michael to stay the night and go to work from his place on Monday but Michael insisted she missed her place and her cats.

He should tell her, he knew he should tell her but it was a jumbled mess and he didn't know where to start. So instead Gabe put on a brave front and drove her home. That night was worse, much worse.

* * *

 

The halls and elevators in his apartment building were comfortable but it wasn't until he stepped into his apartment that Gabriel Lorca began to feel comfortably cool. It might have been an extra expense but with the highs going up over 90 he preferred to keep his apartment at 72 degrees, keeping himself and Buran nice and comfortable. Not that he noticed that on this particular Tuesday.

"Fuck!" Gabriel Lorca kicked the wall and swore again. A frisson of pain shot through his big toe and up his shin. Buran barked and whimpered clearly distressed by his actions. He was really too old for this shit.  Still, the discomfort was simple, grounding, a distraction from everything else; diverting his attention from his emotions and giving him something else to focus on.

Buran barked again and he looked at her with a guilty sigh, he'd forgotten to feed her this morning. Right foot throbbing Gabriel hobbled into the kitchen. He'd woken at about 3 a.m. wishing he'd had time to finish teaching Anthony how to swim, wishing he'd stayed in Georgia to take his son to the fireworks, wishing he'd done everything differently.  Knowing he wasn't going to get back to sleep he'd gone to his studio and began mixing paint colors with the hope that if he put the troubling images in his mind and heart on paper he could get them out of his head. He'd stayed there working for hours until Michael's ringtone called him back to the present.

Of course, by then he was already late.

Gabriel poured Buran her morning kibble and refilled her water dish.

The meeting had been with a potential client, a jeweler needing photos of their work for an ad campaign. The money was good, he didn't need it per se but it certainly didn't hurt and he wanted to put his name out there; get good at his second career. Being late to meetings was not a reputation he wanted to have.

Years of military life meant he was never late but a few dreams and a little insomnia had him completely out of whack.

Buran fed and watered he made his way to the living room right foot throbbing with every step.

After a particularly bad holiday season, where he'd found himself standing on the deck of his ship in the middle of the night seriously weighing the pros and cons of throwing himself into the dark murky waters Gabriel Lorca had started seeing a therapist. He'd paid out of his own pocket not wanting the Navy to know anything about it. When his therapist had first talked to him about grounding as a way to combat emotional distress he'd thought it was some new age nonsense until he'd realized it was something he'd done his entire life.

From the day-to-day routines of military life to picking fights with other children in 7th grade to kicking a wall. All of these were grounding, even his interest in cooking had probably grown from that.

_Was that what that was? Was he in emotional distress?_

The thought served as a trigger and his hand started to shake even as his stomach dropped.

Gabriel exhaled lips twisted. It had been ten years since he lost his son and it hadn't hit him this hard since those first early years.

_Ten years? Shit, he'd been mourning Anthony longer than the boy had been alive._

He wished suddenly that he could call Ava. Talk to her about their little boy; shaking he sank to the sofa head in his hands.

Gabriel wasn't sure exactly how long he sat consumed by grief mind chasing thoughts that lead down shrouded, thorny paths, but eventually, Buran's attempt to draw his attention reached him. He took her leash and fastened it to her collar a glance at his watch showing the time, 3:03 p.m.

He took Buran out for her walk and tried to focus on everything going on around him. The people, the clack of heels on marble tile, the doorman's greeting. Once outside the wind off the lake, a warm gust that ruffled his hair and made Buran's thick coat ripple and dance in the wind.

There were kids out running off to the park, people out to jog or bike on the lakefront paths. The heavy humidity in the air, the grass, and the trees. He focused on all of it the way humidity seemed to seep into his skin when the air was still leaving him sticky, it reminded him of home. Silver Leaf Maples cast a network of shadows on the path ahead and that blue blue water of Lake Michicago glinted in the sunlight that extending out as far as the eye could see until it merged with the horizon.

Some people compared the great lakes unfavorably to the ocean, lakes didn't affect you the way an ocean did they couldn't but they had a quiet majesty all their own one that was soothing and he'd learned in the last year that on the wrong day they could be just as dangerous as any sea. Now though he watched and tried to let all of this life around him ground him.

"Alright Gabe, you're a calm guy, good strategist. Look at this like anything." He muttered to himself. "This has never been an easy time, it's just bad this year because you don't have a job to distract you or a bunch of crewmen to worry about, but the fourth is just a few days away and then you'll be through it. You'll go home to Georgia, visit Anthony, visit Ava, see your family and it'll be over. Next year won't be this miserable."

He nodded then, feeling a little bit more in control.

"Next year will be better." He murmured to himself watching that water ripple, willing his grief and misery to be carried away on gentle waves.

Some kids asked to pet Buran and he let them, even let them play with her for a bit. In spite of everything little kids never bothered him he enjoyed them. Taking care not to get too close with any of them, Gabe showed the children how to toss the ball for Buran and watched them play with a smile until the dog laid herself down in the shade panting.

"Alright, kids. I've got to take her back home. Malamutes, that's her breed they're from Alaska, they don't like too much heat."

There were a few disappointed sighs and pouts but he took the dog back up to his apartment anyway. The sticky feeling on his skin dried almost the instant he stepped into the cool air-conditioned apartment. Buran went straight to the kitchen and he heard the sound of her lapping water almost immediately.

Feeling a bit better he strode into the living room and put his feet up on the coffee table. His phone buzzed, a text message from Hugh and it occurred to him that he hadn't talked to Michael since her phone call this morning.  The moment he thought of it the urge to call her was strong. Without hesitating, he picked up the phone.

They didn't talk about Anthony but that was fine. He'd have to tell her eventually, but he needed to think about something else. So he asked her how things were at the lab, got her talking. It was her turn to tell him funny little stories about being a microbiologist. She also reminded him of their dinner plans for tomorrow and he pretended not to forget.

He tried to coax her into leaving the lab and spending the evening with him but no such luck. She was leaving work early on Thursday to drive him to the airport and wanted to make sure she got plenty done tonight.

She couldn't talk too long but he did feel better still after they got off the phone almost normal. The reminder that there was more to life than what he'd lost was a jolt to the system feeling a new surge of confidence Gabriel decided to make another call to the jeweler perhaps he could convince her to give him the job after all.

Still, as the sun dropped lower on the horizon taking the light with it and leaving the dark the knowledge that he would have to sleep and dream loomed. He brewed a pot of coffee, poured some Sambuca in a mug and started calling friends.

He reached Ben Sisko on the third call and got an invite to join Ben and Jen for dinner. He suspected it was a  pity invite but didn't care at this point. He met the couple at the Bar Louie. Ben talked excitedly about his next novel over dinner and drinks and Gabe was only too happy to listen. The other man had a compelling voice and an intriguing vision when it came to down to his novels it was a good way to distract himself and neither had normal work hours so he had no qualms about leaning on the other couple for company until 3 a.m. when he passed out on his couch and slipped into an exhausted, dreamless sleep.

He only slept a few hours and woke exhausted but that out of sorts feeling wasn't with him. He brewed an extra strong pot of coffee and went through his full morning routine before heading to his watercolor class.

After class there was lunch with a couple of friends and then back home. The plan was to take Boo for a walk, run a couple of errands, maybe go to a movie keep himself busy until dinner.

Things didn't quite go that way. He took Boo for her walk and sat down on the couch intending to rest for just a moment, but he was so damned tired.

The first thing Gabriel noticed was the numbness and then Ava sitting across from him on the far side of the limo, her eyes trained on something distant her forehead resting against the window pane.

She didn't look at him the entire time which was fine because he didn't look at her after that first glance. Instead, he kept his eyes trained ahead, focused on those red taillights, the hearse with its precious cargo, the tiny coffin much smaller than any coffin should be. He kept his eyes on the hearse leading the funeral procession determined not to let it out of his sight until they reached the cemetery.

And then they were at the cemetery suddenly and he wasn't numb anymore, not at all. He was aware of just how much it hurt, how he couldn't- How Ava was crying and he didn't have it in him to comfort her because he was too busy breaking down himself and maybe just a little angry with her or maybe a lot angry with her and he just couldn't watch his son be buried-

And then they were at the church and he was glad it was Ava's family that planned the wake. The compassionate good-natured members of her mother's church, her extended family that treated the whole thing a bit like a somber family reunion. His family would have made it into some painfully stiff and morbid affair, this was better, this was right for Anthony if he was honest with himself.

And then he was out drinking because damned if he knew what else to do? Because what else did you do when a hole opened up at the very center of you? A hole that sucked up everything you had and left only aching wounds behind, what did you do about that? So he drank until the drink dulled the edges of the hole and the bloody wounds that its gravity left.

And then he was at his parent's because Ava had their house and he stayed with his parents when he visited now. And he walked by Anthony's room on the way to the bathroom and did a double take because Anthony was there in bed asleep. The funeral, the death must have been a bad dream because his little boy was here and he was alive. And then even though Anthony was a big boy Gabriel picked him up like he was a toddler and that was okay because he wasn't dead and everything was alright.

He took him down to the kitchen to make Anthony's favorite breakfast, chocolate chip pancakes with bananas.   And Anthony rattled on about hot wheels and fireworks and plants, and Gabriel sat breakfast down in front of him and he smiled that adorable snaggle-toothed smile in delight.

And this was good, it was all very good. And they were sitting down to eat, but Anthony frowned.

"What's wrong son it's your favorite?"

"I don't know dad I don't feel well."

Water dribbled out of his mouth then and suddenly his lips turned gray as he slumped forward in his chair. Gabriel watched unable to move as his son turned to ash.

Gabriel Lorca stared at the view of a clear blue sky in confusion. Looking for just a moment for the dogwood, spruce, and magnolia that dotted his parent's property. Then Buran whined at him her head on his chest as she looked at him imploringly.

He'd been dreaming about the funeral, about Anthony.

That dream flashed in his mind Anthony gray, water dribbling from his mouth, as disturbing as it had ever been.

Gabriel gave the dog a pat and got to his feet. Without a moment's hesitation, he went to the liquor cabinet pouring a double shot of whiskey and knocking it back without a pause for breath. He poured another and finally a third savoring the way they burned down his throat.

Waiting for the numbing effects of the alcohol Gabriel crouched next to the coffee table and pulled a leather storage cube out from underneath. If he had to be miserable the least he could do was get that image out of his head.

He pulled a stack of photo albums from the storage box and spread them on the coffee table before settling on the couch. He went through the albums taking the time to gaze at each photo in its turn letting himself remember. Kindergarten, first grade, second grade...kindergarten graduation which was silly but cute and now he was glad of the memory.

There'd been a little girl in Anthony's kindergarten class that he'd been completely enamored of. He was pretty sure the girl's name had been Ninette. Somehow the two children had ended up taking a picture together at kindergarten graduation. Anthony had been so happy about that picture. Gabriel studied it now grateful for the memory of his son's first crush.

There were pictures from Disneyland, Disneyworld. Ava had sworn he looked like the actor that played one of the Harry Potter villains, he didn't see it.

Still, after their visit, Anthony had asked if he were secretly a wizard.

There were years worth of photos from that very first day right up until…

He sat remembering the way his newborn son had gripped his finger, and his surprise over the headful of dark tightly curled hair and dark brown eyes. Or  Ava coaxing Anthony into saying dada while they Skyped, to his love of Spiderman and his endless fascination with growing things. Still, even after going through all the albums he still couldn't get that image out of his mind.

As a captain, he'd been required to travel a lot. With the pregnancy, Ava had recommitted to their marriage and even though he'd had to ship out just a few months after Anthony's birth she'd made videos, Skype calls anything to keep them connected. Later he'd understand that this was guilt but for a short time they were happy and close again.  And the end result was that he had hours of video of Anthony and could even think fondly Ava as he watched.

_She had tried, she really had, they both had._

He watched the video of Anthony, his little his boy. Heard his laugh, his voice, watched him toddle or run. Watched him marvel at ordinary things. The video showing everything a photo couldn't. Stirring memories and letting him, however briefly, go back in time just long enough for those awful, disturbing dreams to relinquish their hold on him.

* * *

Hi everyone, thanks for reading. How are you liking these latest episodes of Disco? I didn't care for the first half of the season but I've been enjoying the second half hopefully they keep getting better. They just announced the spoiler that Pike isn't coming back for season 3 but we knew that. Fingercrossed that means we'll have Jason back as Captain Lorca for season 3.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter inasmuch as you can. Please take a moment to comment and let me know what you think or if you're shy drop by my [Tumblr ](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/resplendentgoldenwings)and message me there. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: for suicide mentions and grief.


	3. Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel's grief begins to negatively impact their relationship, oh and James Kirk appears.

Michael finished her Manhattan and sucked her gums trying to decide if she wanted to call Gabe again. Five times in one hour seemed just a bit psycho no matter how she rationalized it so instead she pulled her phone from her clutch intending to summon an Uber even as a second Manhattan appeared in front of her.

"I didn't order this."

"Uh no, it's from the gentleman at the end of the bar."

Not in the mood to be hit on Michael opened her mouth to send it back when she heard her name called. Confused now she looked down to the end of the bar and felt her irritation turn first into confusion and then delighted surprise as Jimmy Kirk got up from where he'd been sitting and walked over a broad grin on his face

"What are you doing here?"

She greeted him with a hug.

"Meeting Spock and Nyota."

"Of course you are."

"And you look like you're meeting a date?"

Michal sighed and frowned.

"A date that didn't show?"

"Boyfriend actually."

He grimaced. "You taking off?"

"I was thinking of checking in on him, stopping by his place."

"How late is he?"

"An hour."

"Have a drink with me; I've got a table. We'll catch up and maybe your boyfriend will turn-up. If he was at home he'd probably call."

Michael found herself hesitating. It had been two years since she'd seen Jim and she'd only be more annoyed with Gabe if she went by his apartment and he wasn't there.

"Come on," he smiled dimples popping and Michael couldn't help but smile just a little in return.

"Why not?"

Clutch in one hand drink in the other she let James steer toward his booth.

The M Lounge was one of the trendy new places opened in the south loop; famous for martinis and live jazz seating was often reservation only. The decor was simple gleaming wooden tables t and a bar with simple dark stools and comfy booths. Their table was at the far end of the bar near the small stage, the performance would be cozy, intimate.

"I take it he's usually reliable, your boyfriend?" James asked that question as she slid into her seat.

"Yes, he's usually damned near perfect with this kind of thing."

"So probably just a mix-up then."

"Probably, I don't know whether to be angry or worried," Michael said.

"You think something happened to him?"

"Nooo but this isn't like him."

"Well, anything is possible. He's probably just stuck in traffic with a dead phone and no charger. I know you said he's damned near perfect but stuff happens."

Michael nodded feeling a little bit better. Somehow her thoughts had gone to the two worst case scenarios while skipping right over murphy's law. She smiled.

"Thanks, James."

"That's what I'm here for."

"So what's going on? I think it's been over a year since I saw you last. You're still an adventurer?"

His eyes lit up even in the dimness of the lounge Michael could see him brimming with excitement.

"Yes in fact we actually got a grant to film the next expedition."

Michael felt her eyes widen.

"Really?"

He nodded looking just a bit smug now.

"Whenever you're ready to quit your boring lab job just let me."

MIchael laughed and shook her head.

"Where are you going? What's the study? Do you actually need a microbiologist? Tell me all about it."

Michael listened attentively while James talked. He'd grown up a bit more since she'd seen him last. Spock and Jim had been best friends since high school even though they were opposites both in personality and looks. She'd jokingly called them light and shadow when they were teenagers.

Jim was bombastic, energetic, expressive and passionate where Spock was quiet, reserved and measured with hidden depths. The two friends seemed almost foils for one another.

"We leave in a month."

"I am in no way surprised that you've got this grant, it's going to be great."

"If it goes well I can see more work in the future,you and Spock could both tag along."

Michael smiled and just then Spock and Nyota walked up. She greeted the pair with a hug and returned to her seat. Nyota slid in beside her and Spock next to Jim.

"Michal we're glad you're joining us of course, but what are you doing here? We thought you'd be out with the mysterious Gabriel."

"Or in." Nyota teased.

There were chuckles around the table but the pair looked at her expectantly and Michael tried to think not wanting to share that she had been stood up.

"I invited her. It's been a couple years since the last time I saw Michael so I messaged her on Facebook just this afternoon."

"And here I am," Michael finished with a graceful shrug and shot James a grateful smile.

"Well we've been wanting you and the mysterious Gabe to come out with us on a double date for a while but this will do for now," Nyota gave her a wink on the last words.

"Message received," Michael replied.

With the other couple's arrival, they ordered appetizers and another round of drinks. The performer a jazz musician with a sultry voice that reminded her of Sade began her set. Michael felt a little well of sadness at that Gabe would have liked it. James seemed to notice and flashed her an encouraging smile. She smiled back to determined suddenly to have a good night with or without him.

And she did. She always had fun with these three. Jim and Spock told stories to catch her up and she had her own for Jim catching him up on her life. They sipped Manhattans and Martinis ate some pretty good bar food. Every now and then she thought she caught James giving her a wistful glance when he thought she wasn't looking.

Jim Kirk had had a crush on her for most his teen years. She'd found him cute but awkward, her little brother's friend. Then he went off to college and became a ladies' man. Though that didn't seem to fit, to Michael, it had taken a bit of time but eventually, she was able to see past her brother's skinny, goofy to the smart hardworking young man he'd grown into. A young man so unabashedly enamored of women that he seduced them without really trying. Of course, then he'd do something goofy and he transitioned back to her kid brother's dorky, pimply friend.

So when he asked her to dance after Spock and Nyota got up to do just that Michael found herself hesitating. The sultry jazz that had played during the early part of the evening had turned into something a little more up-tempo so it wouldn't be intimate but Michael couldn't exactly hide her hesitation.

"What's the matter? Two old friends can't share a dance?" He held out his hands to her head cocked to one side.

"Old friends? Yes." She let him take her hands and the two of them danced jazz talking over old times and future plans.

Dancing with him was different from Gabe he had similar easy confidence but he was so much more casual and for all his claim of old friends, the way he gazed into her eyes projected more than friendly feeling.

Still, he was a fun partner and his hands never strayed where they shouldn't. By the time her phone rang buzzing for her attention, Michael was breathless and exhilarated. A glance at the screen sucked all that exhilaration out of her as Gabe's image flashed on her screen.

"Excuse me, James."

Before he could respond she was making her way toward the door stepping out into the warm night air.

"Hello, Gabe."

"Hey there, gorgeoussss." He slurred the last word and Michael frowned.

"Were we sshuposshed to go- to go out tonight?"

"Are you drunk?"

"Had a few earlier."

"Are you at home?"

"Yessh."

"Did you get robbed or beaten up, hit your head or anything like that?" Michael couldn't quite keep an edge out of her voice.

"Nahhhhh."

"Good. I'm glad. Call me when you're sober. Goodnight Gabriel."

Michael disconnected the call and then more than a little pissed and hurt she turned her phone off she did not want to hear from Gabe for the rest of the evening. She made her way back to the dance floor and threw herself into enjoying the night with her friends. Dancing, more drinks and conversation until it was late and she had to go home and sleep or be too tired for work. Spock and Nyota decided they should probably head home too and after some discussion, they decided James would give her a ride home since he wasn't drunk and had parked his rental nearby.  

"How are you still sober James?"Michael asked that as she meandered a few feet ahead of him.

"Well, I only had a couple beers while you were sucking down Manhattan's like they were going out of style."

"I wasn't." She turned and looked at him and Jim chuckled.

"Oh, you definitely were."

They reached the parking lot and found James' rental, a sleek  Charger in bright red. Michael stood a confused moment beside the passenger door before realizing James wasn't opening it for her. Feeling just a bit awkward Michael fumbled with the door handle a moment before yanking it open with just a little too much force.

"You ok drunk girl?"

"I think I broke a nail."

"Alright well close the door and buckle your seat belt. Imagine that, Michael Burnham, in my car, drunk."

Michael fumbled with her seatbelt as James started the car. A song blared from the radio some indie rock band she'd never heard.

"You need directionsss?"

"Lake Shore Drive south right?"

"Yeah."

"Good just direct me when we get to your neighborhood."

They left the parking lot and soon pulled onto Lake Shore drive the evening breeze cooling the car as they speed along the expressway. Michael let one armrest outside the car, against the passenger door, the late evening breeze a cool caress against her skin.

"Did your boyfriend ever call?"

Her good mood evaporated.

"He did."

"Everything ok?"

"Apparently he got drunk and forgot we were supposed to go out."

"Damn, is he usually a big drinker?"

"No. He'll have a glass of wine here and there may be a little whiskey."

"Right so he's probably just stressed about something."

"It's possible of course, but he should talk to me instead of standing me up and letting me worry for hours."

"Absolutely but maybe whatever's going on he just doesn't know how. If it's serious he may not be sure where to start."

"I guess."

"Right so maybe don't be too mad."

She sniffed, "We'll see."

"Ohhhh, spoken just like somebody's mom. Gabe- that's his name right, Gabriel?"

"Yeah."

"Gabe's in troooubbleee."

Michael rolled her eyes but found herself smiling as he shot her a glance eyes twinkling as he smiled that dimpled smile. The trees and the lakefront whizzed by the wind making her hair dance.

"So do you have a girlfriend James?"

"Nahhh."

The car slowed to a stop as they hit a red light at 63rd street. Michael directed  James to continue down Hayes drive, as Lake Shore Drive came to an end at 67th street.

"So why no girlfriend?"

"I dunno. I've dated around some but I'm busy and relationships take time."

"They do."

They pulled onto her street James peering at the well maintained, three flat brick buildings and neat lawns.

"Even in the dark, these buildings look great. It's really nice over here I had no idea."

"Yeah, the south side has a bad rap."

"Oh well, I don't really know about that but these look really nice."

"It is nice. How long are you in town for?"

"Nother week."

Michael directed him to pull into her building's driveway.

"You coming to the 4th with us?"

"Probably."

"Good I had fun with you tonight."

"Well, I can never resist a damsel in distress."

Michael chuckled and their eyes met.

"Thanks, James, goodnight."

"Goodnight Michael."

She let herself out.

"Hey turn on a light when you get upstairs."

"I'm practically home already."

"Stuff happens to people even in corridors."

"Very well, good night Jim."

"Good night Michael."

Michael made her way upstairs and did as requested once she was inside turning on the living room light and waving good-bye to the younger man as he pulled onto the street.

"Hey," Sylvia said coming down the hall. "You're in a good mood."

"Yeah, I am."

"So Gabe showed?"

Her smile fell.

"Or not?"

"I ran into an old friend."

"Good you got to have fun anyway."

"I did."

"Did you ever find out what happened with Gabe?"

Michael sighed.

"Sylvia I'm tired, I'm tipsy, and Gabe is neither dead nor hurt.  I really just want to go to bed. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"Of course, good night. I'm glad you managed to have fun."

"Thanks, Sil, good night."

* * *

 

The sun was up; light streaming through the blinds, falling on the thin summer spread in soft golden strips. But why was the sun up?

"Shit!" Michael jumped out of bed dislodging Coco and Snowball as she pelted into the bathroom. She had forgotten to turn her phone back on last night. Thank god she hadn't drunk enough to be hung over.

"God damn it, Gabriel!."

She glanced at her wall clock, nearly 6:30 a.m. already. Her train was due in 30 minutes and she hadn't showered, eaten or dressed. Her run clearly wasn't happening. Michael went through an abbreviated version of her morning routine at warp speed. Skipping her shower for a quick wash-up, breakfast and coffee could be gotten at work, her clothes had been picked out over the weekend. Her hair was picked out in a quick puff and tied back with a hair band, cats watered and fed, she grabbed a banana on her way out the door.

_Moving as fast as she could she still missed her train._

After a quick check of the schedule, Michael decided to order an Uber. She could drive but the ten-minute walk back to her apartment and then the hunt for parking downtown would probably add another twenty minutes to her commute. She may as well wait for the train as well as drive. Uber was her best chance to get to work on time and she hated being late. So Michael ordered an Uber and wished she hadn't.

Rush hour traffic snarled at Soldier's Field, crept down Roosevelt and crawled down Michigan  Avenue. She ended up running to the lab a full 30 minutes later than usual time.

Arriving late put a wrinkle in her entire morning. She started off half-an-hour behind, grumpy from lack of caffeine, hungry and still generally annoyed with Gabe for standing her up in the first place. She did eventually glance at her phone to see missed several missed calls from him as well as several typo-laden incoherent texts. Disgusted with the entire situation Michael put her phone in her desk drawer and told herself to focus on work, the protocols weren't going to write themselves.

Or at least she tried to. Her mind kept wandering, wondering why he'd stood her up. Why he got so drunk he missed their date? Why he'd been so distracted?

All of which left her still more annoyed.

She had volunteered to take Gabe to the airport tomorrow, but that meant leaving a couple hours early. Rather than get behind she was staying late tonight to get ahead, but now that same boyfriend was putting her further behind. And he hadn't even bothered to call and explain himself this morning.

She was just thinking of calling Gabe and telling him to take himself to the airport when she got called to come to the lab's reception area for a delivery.

Frowning Michael walked passed the other labs and offices. Mail, UPS, and FedEx all went through the mailroom and she wasn't expecting anything.

"Look Rhy I don't know-" Michael stopped dead in her tracks as she took in the reception desk and the delivery driver holding bouquet of pink and white roses and huge starfighter lilies their spicy scent filling the reception area two of her favorite flowers already in a clear sleek vase. She felt a grin break out over her face. Flowers at work was one of those romantic gestures that never happened to her.

"Are those for me?" She addressed her question to the delivery guy.

"Are you Michael Burnham?"

She nodded eagerly no longer able to resist the smile trying to take over her face.

"Just sign here." The delivery driver handed her a log and she did as directed.

Rhys watched her with a grin clearly wanting in on the gossip that she had no intention of sharing.

"So Michael, hot date?"

"Nope, not answering that," she said taking her flowers.

Bouquet in hand she made her way back to her office humming and shut the door before sitting down to read the card.

_'Michael, sweetheart, I am sorry about last night, about these last few days. I know I've been distracted.  Please be patient with me lil' darlin'. I promise I'll explain it all to you when I get back from Georgia.'_

For a moment she just stared at the flowers, breathing in their sweet spicy perfume and basking in the well of feelings their appearance had generated. No one had done something so romantic and thoughtful for her before. Biting her lower lip as she grinned Michael picked up her phone and pushed the call button.

"Hello gorgeous," her familiar Gabe answered voice warm if a bit rough.

"Hi."

"I take it you got the flowers."

"They're beautiful. Thank you.'

"Well, it's the least I could do. I really am sorry sweetheart."

Her smile slipped a bit.

"What's going on with you Gabe?"

He was silent long enough to make her wonder if the call had dropped before she heard him take a breath and sigh.

"It's not something I want to discuss over the phone while you're at work."

Michael sucked her tongue.

"It's not anything illegal, I don't have secret life or a health problem or another girlfriend."

"Ok?"

"I promise I'll explain everything when I get back from Georgia please just be patient a little while longer."

"Alright, I'll wait until you get back from Georgia."

He sighed again and this time it was a sound of relief.

"You're working late right?"

"Got to if I'm leaving early tomorrow."

Gabe was silent for a moment. "Why don't I bring you some dinner?"

"You don't have to-"

"-You gotta eat right?"

"Yeah."

"And I missed seeing you last night even if I was drunk."

"Alright."

"You want Vietnamese or Chinese or Greek?"

"Does Greek mean Greektown?"

"It does now."

"Alright then Greek."

"Anything in particular?"

"Lamb."

"Alright, sweetheart I'll see you tonight around 7 or 8 p.m.?"

"8 p.m."

"Alright, I'll see you then sweetheart."

"See you then handsome."

Unable to hold back a smile Michael hung up the phone.

* * *

 

The lab was quiet. It was never particularly noisy but after hours a calm stillness settled over the lab. Michael looked up from her work and out of her office window. This high up she could look down over the Chicago River and out at the dark rich blue of Lake Michigan the light of the dying day fading in stripes of orange and varied shades of rich purple. The buildings on the skyline blended into a gleaming black, lights twinkling like stars. She did her best to look past tacky white spire that was Trump tower a hideous mark on the skyline.

The phone on her desk rang the display showing security's extension. Michael glanced at the bouquet of flowers decorating her desk, Gabe was here. Since it was after hours she had to meet him in the lobby, the two of them would ride up together.

They greeted one another with a brief hug and rode up to her floor hand-in-hand the elevator filling with the savory scent of a well-seasoned meal. It was a short ride but unable to resist the urge Michael leaned her head on his shoulder smiling.

"I'm glad you're here."

"Thanks, sweetheart," he released her hand so he could settle an arm around her shoulder as the elevator pinged her floor. The door slid open and they made their way to her office.

In addition to her computer desk, Michael had a separate work table. They cleared that now and laid out dinner. Juicy looking lamb chops with roasted veggies and garlic roasted potatoes for her and sauteed shrimp over fluffy rice for Gabe. He'd also ordered olives and feta, fried Kalamari and Baklava.

"Smells wonderful. Thanks for bringing dinner Gabe."

"It's the least I could do." He reached across the table and closed a hand over hers holding it a moment before raising it to his lips. She met and held his eyes before looking down to cover her reaction.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

Michael shook her head.

"It's nothing." She lied turning her attention to her plate her worry from the previous night returning. He looked pale, wan, worn, there were dark circles under his eyes that hadn't been there a week ago and tension seemed to ride him.

"I'm just a little tired."

"Long day?"

"I was late actually."

"Michael Burnham late?" He leaned back a curious expression on his face.

"It was your fault actually."

"Ahhh."

"After your call last night I didn't want to speak with you so I turned off my phone and after a few drinks I forgot to turn it back on."

"I see. Well-"

"-No worries," Michael held up a forestalling hand. "You're already forgiven but it has been quite a day. What are you going to do while you're in Georgia?"

"Visit family, friends," Gabe said attention turning to his plate.

They ate and talked, conversation moving easily like always. They talked a bit about his plans in Georgia; in addition to seeing his family and friends, he wanted to visit a few old haunts maybe do a bit of hiking. The old trees festooned with Spanish moss, the gentle roll of hills and the mountainous trails. He made it sound beautiful but she detected sadness in his voice and wondered at that.

"You make it sound so beautiful."

"You'll have to come one of these days."

"Yeah." She smiled and their conversation moved on.

They finished dinner and cleared the paper plates and take-out containers from her work table.

"You want to see the rest of the lab?"

"Yeah."

Michael gave Gabe a tour describing the equipment and different workstations as well as telling him what she could about different projects until they found themselves back in her office.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom."

"Okay," Gabe had a seat and Michael left him in her office making her way to the bathroom thinking of how different he seemed.  She'd been angry about him standing her up but it was so unlike him that she found herself worrying again. In the time they'd been dating he'd never been drunk like he was last night or late to a meeting with a client. Something was wrong. Michael relieved herself and hurried back to the lab slowing as she approached her office. She waved to one of the cleaning women who smiled and waved back, the buzz of a familiar pop tune escaping her earbuds.

She passed the cleaning woman and Instead of striding right into her office Michael took a moment to peak from the doorway just out of sight and watch him.

He was sat leaning forward, elbows on knees, chin in his hand and his expression- Michael had to swallow back her own feelings at his unguarded expression. He looked so grim and bleak and Michael found herself wondering if there were any way she could lift his spirits.

"Gabe."

She didn't realize she'd spoken until looked up at her and straightened forcing a smile.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," she shook her head and walked back into. "Just I'll miss you while you're gone."

He smiled genuinely then eyes suddenly warm and bright and Michael felt herself returning it as she crossed the room to stand in front of him.

"I'll be back before you know it, sweetheart." He got to his feet as he said and settled his arms around her waist.

"Yeah but I'll still miss you," she insisted responding in kind when his smile broadened. "Especially at night."

"Especially?" He bit his lower lip, eyebrow quirking upward as the hand in her lower back slipped down to pat her ass.

"Especially."

He kissed her then and Michael had the sudden delicious thought that she could just close her office door and they could-

Just then the vacuum blared and they separated almost instantly both looking toward the cleaning woman who was now vacuuming the carpet just outside  Michael's office.

He looked at her, looked her up and down, disappointment clear in his expression.

"You sure you don't want to leave like now? We could be at my place in 15 minutes."

"It's tempting but no I should really get more work done."

He took a deep breath.

"Alright, I should probably go then."

Casting a final regretful glance at the cleaning woman Michael nodded.

"Alright, I'll walk you out."

"You don't have to I remember the way."

"I don't mind."

"But you need to work. I'll see you, tomorrow sweetheart."

He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and left. Michael stood a moment in the doorway of her office watching him go feeling a familiar little ache at his departure. He looked back and waved good-bye just before disappearing around the corner. With a sigh, she returned to her desk intending to work for another hour or so before heading home the late night making up for both an unproductive morning and her early departure tomorrow but now she had another distraction. Her annoyance with Gabe had transformed into worry. That something was wrong she was certain of.

Still whatever was going on with Gabe had already upended her entire morning she couldn't let it take over her evening too. Determined to focus Michael decided to work for another two hours and then see if she could figure out something to cheer Gabe up before he left.

Still an hour-and-a-half later she found herself yawning and staring blankly at the screen, mind sluggish as she tried to decide how to write up the next protocol. All she really needed to do was explain the recommendation for drug doses based on the results of the latest trial but it was suddenly beyond her.  She yawned wide enough to split her face in half and gave up this would have to be enough for one night.

Her mind went to Gabe and her plan to cheer him up almost the moment she shut her computer down.

She didn't have time for anything big and most places were already closed. If she could just come up with some small thing to put a genuine smile on his face before he left.  

It came to her as she slid into her seat on the train putting her earbuds in to keep her entertained all the way home. She could make him a playlist for the flight. Something with a bunch of the '80s songs he loved and maybe some Spotify recommendations mixed in. Pleased with this idea Michael got to work on the playlist certain that he would love it.

* * *

 

Technically driving your boyfriend to the airport was not a date, but Michael had made up her mind to cheer Gabe up. She still had no earthly idea what was bothering him but whatever it was she wanted to put him in a good mood before he left.

In addition to putting together a playlist for the drive and flight --4 hours almost entirely 80's-- she'd picked up some snacks for the plane, food only found in Chicago. A couple slices of Eli's cheesecake,* Vitner's salt and sour chips, Harold's Chicken, Garret's popcorn and a couple boxes of Fannie May chocolates. Whatever he didn't eat he could share with his family. She'd thought about getting him a deep dish pizza from Giordano's but there was no really good way to transport that on short order. It was little stuff but there was only so much she could do in a few hours.

She'd even dressed up for it for choosing a long sleeved, off the shoulder, midriff bearing crepe blouse in army green with a matching calf-length skirt. The outfit was reminiscent of the dress she'd worn on their first date and she'd chosen similar gold accessories and sandals and styled her hair the same. She hadn't worn it to work of course bare mid-drifts were not work appropriate but she could change before leaving.

Michael admired her reflection in the mirror she'd hung on the wall of her office. Gabe had really liked that dress, he'd like this too. Satisfied with her look  Michael grabbed her purse along with her bag of goodies and headed out the door. She did get a few arched eyebrows on their way out as well as a whistle from Paul.

Excited to pick-up Gabe she hurried to the nearby parking garage and found her sapphire blue chevy volt right where she'd left it. Gabe could finally stop teasing her about her car.

It was still a couple hours before the evening rush and she was pulling up in front of Gabe's apartment building in no time.  Gabe came striding out of the main entrance wearing a pair of jeans and short sleeved pullover with loafers. He'd already dropped Buran off at Hugh and Paul's. All she had to do was get him to the airport. Michael got out of the car to greet him with a hug and a kiss smiling as he gave her an affectionate pat on her bottom.

"Sweetheart you're looking damned good this afternoon," he smiled down at her. "I almost want to see if I can get a later flight."

Michael smiled up at him and he trailed a finger along her collarbone.

"Sounds fun, I'll be here when you get back."

Gabe chuckled at that.

"Alright," he said with a wry smile. He took her car in with whistle. "The mysterious volt exist. How's it handle?"

"Great it's got a supercharger for quick acceleration."

"Nice!"

Michael popped the trunk and Gabe stowed his suitcase before going around to the driver's side and pulling the door open.

"Not even with my own car."

"Nope if I have my way your hands will never touch door again in my presence." He gave her hand a quick kiss and Michael smiled. She was going to miss him over the next few days. Michael made sure They got settled in the car, and Michael started the car. She tapped a few buttons to pulled up Gabe's playlist.

"I have something for you in the backseat."

He gave her a puzzled look and retrieved the gift bag she'd chosen as she started Gabe's playlist the first song Another Bites the Dust.

"Garret's popcorn, Vitner's chips, Eli's cheesecake, Fannie Mae- A Chicago themed snack pack and Queen?"

Michael smiled pleased with herself.

"For the plane and the hotel snacks and music for your flight Queen, Prince, Sade, Tears for Fears, The Clash, The Police, I even hunted you up to a little Slayer." She didn't bother to mention that at least 15 of the songs actually were from the Stranger Things soundtrack.

He gave her a little sideways smile and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand before leaning across the armrest to give her a lingering kiss.

"It's just little stuff," Michael demurred.

He closed his hand over hers and gave her this look that made her heart swell. And somehow she didn't look away but instead settled in this moment and let it wash over her.  His admiration, appreciation and her delighted satisfaction at doing something that lifted his mood.

"Thank you darlin'."

A car pulled in behind them and it was Gabe who turned away to look out the window.

"We should get going if I'm going to make my plane."

"Yeah."

His hand settled over hers and Michael pulled onto the road.

 

* * *

Thanks everyone so much for reading please stop by my [Tumblr ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard)and say hi. If you like the fic please take a moment to comment below and don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an update.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *All of the food items that Michael gifted to Gabriel are real and can be easily purchased from stores and restaurants in Chicago.
> 
> *I also did put together the 80s playlist that Michael made for Gabriel, it's not a full four hours though I may eventually make it that long. It does include several songs from Stranger Things, as well as some truly classic 80's hits and some of my own 80s favorites.


	4. The 2nd of July Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael has an evening out with Sylvia and James to distract herself from her frustrations with Gabe. But what happens when she finds herself alone with the charming Jim Kirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took me forever. I was getting through the early chapters really fast but these longer ones are harder now. The story is a bit more complicated now I hope you guys enjoy it.

Michael left O'hare airport humming happily to herself and feeling good. Feeling good about herself, about Gabe and feeling good about their relationship. He'd still looked worn when he left her, but better than he had in over a week. The knowledge that she could impact him as positively as he impacted her made her feel even better about her relationship.

_She could make her man happy. They could take care of each other; they could help each other._

She had to fight a little traffic on the way back, but she still arrived home early and in a good mood only to be hit by a wall of hot air the moment she stepped out of the car. It had been a bit cooler downtown, but it was uncomfortably hot a few miles south. Once in her apartment, Michael opened every window and turned on the ceiling fans in an attempt to pull cool air from the lake. It helped, a little.

With her apartment cooled down, she spent a bit of time playing with Coco and Snowball getting them to chase their favorite toys around the apartment for a bit before refilling their food and changing their water.  

After that she took a few pictures of herself for her Insta, this outfit was too cute to not be seen by more people. Satisfied with her pictures, Michael changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top and was instantly more comfortable. More comfortably dressed, she went into the kitchen and cut and juiced a few lemons. She wasn't much of a cook, but she knew how to make a few things, including a nice, refreshing pitcher of lemonade.

It wasn't too long or complicated a process just a little fresh lemon juice, sugar and cold water. When she had a nice perfect pitcher of lemonade finished, Michael poured herself a glass and went to have a seat in her living room.

She was rarely there in the afternoon, and it was such a pleasant space the sheers danced and rippled in the afternoon breeze, she could admire her plants green and bright and thriving, the sounds of children at play and fireworks wafted up from the street along with music and the scent of grilling. There was a familiar, peaceful ease to it that she'd missed while living in the suburbs and traveling the world a familiarity that said home.

Michael closed her eyes and let the familiar sounds and scents wash over her. She should probably go for a run, she had a missed work-out to make-up for and plenty of work to do but something about sitting in her living room letting the time pass was too inviting.

Eventually, Coco and Snowball came to join her. Snowball sitting on the back of the couch tucked into a fluffy black kitty loaf and Coco --after walking back and forth across her lap a few times-- settled on her legs fluffy white tail tucked around him.

She didn't quite know how long she'd been sitting when her phone buzzed. Hoping for a text from Gabe Michael dislodged Coco to check her phone and felt a ping of disappointment upon seeing that it was James instead.

**J.K.: Hey, Michael.**

**M.B.: Hello, Jimmy.**

Her phone rang a moment later.

"Hey."

"I know we're all supposed to prefer text, but I like talking on the phone when I can; you don't mind do you?"

"Not at all."

They chatted for a bit Jim updating her on his progress, getting everything finalized for his expedition and insisting that they hang out more before he left.

"Of course you're coming on the boat this weekend, right?"

"I planned to."

"Well, I'll be there so we can hang out then."

"Alright, so uh' everything ok with you and your boyfriend?"

"Yeah, actually I just came back from dropping him off at the airport."

"Oh."

"We made up. He sent me this gorgeous bouquet and apologized and everything."

"So he did have a good reason for being a no-show."

"Well, uh..."

"Michael?"

"We didn't talk about it," she admitted. "He said he would explain it when he gets back."

"Back from Georgia?"

"Yes," she said, knowing it didn't sound good.

"Michael, don't be that girl."

"Be what girl?"

"Don't worry about it. Just, just be careful."

"What were you going to say? I haven't had a lot of relationships, Jim, if you think something is up I want to know."

He was quiet for a moment.

"Alright keep in mind I know nothing about your relationship, and normally I would think a man this guy's age wouldn't be this type of coward but here goes. A lot of guys when they're ready to end a relationship instead of just ripping off the band-aid will either ghost the girl or get distant. It's mainly because they don't want to deal with the girl's hurt feelings, but this is younger guys. Older men know from experience that it's better to just rip off that band-aid."

"But if he were doing that he wouldn't make up with me, send the flowers."

"This guy's got money sending flowers isn't a hardship if he needed something from you while he was gone."

Michael was quiet, but that sick feeling was back.

"Gabe's not like that." She said softly more to herself.

"Listen, Michael; I don't know the guy. I don't know your relationship.  That's what a sudden change looks like to me. Did you suggest making your relationship more serious somehow recently?"

"Yeah," Michael said with growing dread. "I invited him to join us on the boat for the 4th, and that's the same night he started acting differently."

"Aww, Michael. Keep in mind I don't know the guy I could-"

"Um okay, James. Thanks, I need to go." Before he could say anything, Michael disconnected the call and tossed her phone on the couch.  Unable to sit still suddenly she pushed to her feet, ignoring Coco's meow of protest as she dislodged the cat. She paced back and forth a minute, fanning herself, feeling hot and cold as her emotions surged before going into her bedroom for running clothes.

Conventional wisdom was that you couldn't outrun your problems, but that wasn't entirely true. Michael could feel her own strength, the wind of her passing, her muscles pushing her forward one step at a time, the sweat breaking out over her skin, her heart beating and each breath flooding her lungs. In two miles, she caught that elusive surge of adrenaline and dopamine that cleared her mind, quieted her heart and carried her forward another half a mile.

James didn't know Gabe, and Gabe's aberrant behavior could mean a number of different things. And if he- She couldn't finish the thought. Whatever it was, he would explain it when he got back from Georgia. Michael slowed her pace first to a light jog and then a walk and finally found herself just standing on the suspension bridge that crossed Lake Shore drive, giving pedestrians ready access to the beach.

After cooling down, Michael strolled over to Hyde Park. It was a nice day, and 53rd street was thick with traffic both vehicular and pedestrian. Some were simply running errands or making their way home. Others were dressed for the bars, restaurants and local shows. Artists and intellectuals moving along the streets to their shows and salons. She got a smoothie in the local health food crowded with Black people sporting locs and fros discussing open mics, politics and debating whether or not the university had revitalized Hyde Park or destroyed.

Michael got her green smoothie catching only snippets of conversation before making her way down to a little park advertising the local 4th of July parade. She wanted to sit and think.

James didn't know Gabe, he'd said it himself. He may know what many men would do, but Gabe wasn't most men. He could be completely wrong, and he could be completely right.

_What if Gabe were planning on breaking up with her when he got back?_

Michael sat, trying to think, trying to ignore the little pained feeling she was getting around her heart.  She didn't watch a lot of romantic movies, but a plan to talk was never a good sign, and that's what he'd done right arranged for them to talk after his trip.

_What could she do but deal?You couldn't force someone to be in a relationship with you.And breaking up with someone before they broke up with you was almost guaranteed to backfire and besides James had said it himself he didn't know Gabe.It could be anything he could be stressed..._

She took a sip of her smoothie, forcing it down around the lump around her throat and tried not to cry before ducking her head to hide the few little tears that escaped.

The truth was she would be heartbroken if Gabe broke-up with her.

* * *

 

The glow of lights, bright and white, leaked through the blinds out into the early dusk. Sylvia was home, and Michael found herself hesitating. The idea of seeing Sylvia, telling her what Jim thought or for that matter how she was feeling about what Jim thought had her frozen on the sidewalk. A man in a passing car whistled at her and Michael rolled her eyes and stood, still hesitant to confront her best friend and share this whole mess with her.

And suddenly it seemed like the most absurd thing in the world. Why did she hesitate to do something millions if not billions of people did everyday? Something so common that there was a whole unchallenged stereotype around it. A stereotype that she would go upstairs, tell Sylvia everything and her friend would give her a hug pour out a couple of glasses of wine or scoop out some ice cream, they'd talk, and she'd feel better.

And she would feel better, _that was the scary part._  Not long after that first disagreement she and Sylvia had had about Gabe the three of them had gone out to lunch. After meeting him, Sylvia had decided she liked Gabriel and been nothing other than supportive. It also didn't hurt that the other woman was a good listener and loved talking about feelings.

Why would she mope around, hope she could meditate her way through it and force the Sylvia to drag it out of her? She was happy enough to share when things were going well, why not lean on her friends when things were going poorly? It was impractical, inefficient, and illogical.

With a shake of her head, Michael unlocked the door of her apartment building and climbed the stairs to her 3rd-floor apartment. She found her roommate on the couch watching television and looking comfy in shorts and a tank top.

"Hey, you're home." Sylvia paused the tv and looked up with a smile.

"Yeah what're you watching?"

"Nova reruns."

"Cool.

"Watch it with me."

"Maybe in a bit. I need to change and shower. I had a run."

"Okay. You okay?"

"Just a bit tired."

"Okay," Sylvia restarted her program, and Michael started down the hall toward her bedroom and stopped.

"Hey Sylvia, let's do something different." Michael clenched her hands into fists and faced her friend.

"Different from what?"

"I am feeling really miserable right now. James thinks Gabe might want to break-up with me and I think he might be right."

"What? What happened?" The redhead got to her feet and hurried down the hall to close her arms around her.

"I think I stink a little."

"A little, but it's ok. It's mostly deodorant anyway. Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"In a second."

Michael let the relaxing nature of a hug work its magic, and then she let Sylvia take care of her. A bottle of wine and a pint of mint-chip gelato made its way from the kitchen to the living room coffee table, and she filled Sylvia in on everything that had happened since Tuesday.

"No offense but your friend James has a big mouth, and maybe he has an ulterior motive."

"Jimmy is not like that, and I insisted he tell me what he was thinking."

"Mhmm," Sylvia pursed her lips suspicion plain in her face. "He said it himself he doesn't know Gabe, he's never seen the two of you together, and he's just guessing based on how some men sometimes behave."

"That's how you form a scientific hypothesis. You gather facts, examine the evidence, and form a logical conclusion."

"You're right, that is how it works. So, let's include some additional evidence. Like the way that man looks at you when you're not looking, the fact that I don't think he's ever told you no-"

"He has."

"He hasn't. And what did you tell me about how gentle he was your first time, it didn't even hurt. That sounds more like a man in love to me."

"You think Gabe is in love with me? We've only been dating for three months." Michael looked at her quizzically.

"It's not like there is a timeframe for that sort of thing. All I'm saying is that I wouldn't be surprised if he were."

"But he's acting so weird."

"Nobody is perfect hun'."

"Yeah." She said quietly.

"I don't know what he's going to do, but I mention this alternative hypothesis because there's no point in you sitting around miserable all weekend just because this James person has a guess."

"Well it wasn't just James guessing, but you're right I don't want to sit around moping all weekend."

"I also want to point out that you can just call him and tell him you want an explanation for his behavior now. You don't have to wait."

"But I told him I would wait I don't want to be that anxious, needy girlfriend."

"You wouldn't be feeling needy and anxious if Gabriel hadn't flipped the switch and left you hanging. Getting drunk and standing you up deserves a good explanation. There's nothing wrong with being patient but he was in the wrong you don't have to accommodate him especially if it's stressing you out. And I'm gonna argue that Gabe doesn't want to you stressing all weekend either."

"You make a good point."

"I know." Sylvia grinned.

"Thanks, Sylvia I'm feeling a lot better."

"Good. Do you want to hang out tomorrow? We could go out or stay in, and binge Star Trek like you promised months ago?"

"It was not months ago."

"It was more than a month; in fact, it was April. For some reason, I just keep getting ditched. I wonder what changed in April? Whatever could it be?" The redhead shrugged and looked at her helplessly.

"Wait a second," Michael said thinking over the last couple months as she tried to recall the last time she'd hung out with just her best friend. "Are you trying to say I've been that friend who ditches her girls for her new man?"

"Not trying to say it. We --just the two of us-- haven't hung out since April."

"Sylvia, I'm so sorry. Why haven't you said anything?"

"Well I had finals, and your thing with Gabe was new, so I get it but-"

"It's not cool that I'm suddenly available now that something is going wrong with Gabe. I get it. Tell you what tomorrow night I'll come home from work we'll hang out and binge Star Trek, and I will not let my relationship with Gabe dominate the evening."

"Deal."

"Alright, turn Nova on."

"There's the brilliant microbiologist that we know and love," Sylvia grinned and hit play.

Michael ate another spoonful of mint-chip ice cream. The cats settled on the sofa with them as a very enthusiastic geologist spoke animatedly core sampling.

* * *

 

The chat with Sylvia did improve her mood, and Michael went to bed, trying to remember if Gabriel had ever denied her anything and what it meant if he hadn't. She woke-up to Coco and Snowball watching her from the loveseat and a text message from Gabe that had come sometime after midnight. Smiling, Michael sat up.

**G.L.: 'Mornin' gorgeous. Got in fine but it was a little too late to call. Flight got in a little late, got checked into the hotel no problem and thank you again for everything sweetheart, ttys.**

She heard every word in his warm, familiar voice a little smile on her face. Knowing Gabe was an early riser, Michael pushed the call button, hoping to catch him before he started on his day and was disappointed when she got his voice mail. Annoyed, she hung up the phone and began typing a reply to his text. Coco leapt from the loveseat then and landed between her legs to butt her hand for pets.

"I can't text and pet you at the same time." The cat ignored her and butted her hand again. Accepting her fate, Michael took a moment to stroke his head and face and scratch behind his ears, the cat blinked big blue eyes at her and leaned into her hand, purring loudly. Snowball observing this decided to join them stretching her fluffy body, black fur gleaming in the sunlight, before leaping to the bed with a chirp and meow. Michael took a few minutes to pet both animals stroking their little faces, ears, even their fluffy bellies and listening to them purr before getting out of bed.

Her morning went smoothly no problems getting to work and though she continued to hope for a call or text from Gabe Michael soon found herself absorbed in her work for the day. She did get a call from Jim that morning that she ignored. She probably shouldn't be annoyed with him, but she couldn't help it.

She never did hear from Gabe, but a day of good work always boosted her spirits when things were going wrong. So when Jim called her a second time as she was leaving for the day, Michael went on ahead and answered.

"You're not ignoring me anymore."

"Not for the moment."

"Alright listen, I feel bad. You were happy, in a good mood and I ruined that running my mouth and now you've got an entire weekend sitting around stressing."

"Well, I can't let you take all the blame, I did ask."

James sighed, and they both sat silent for a moment.

"Are you stressed?"

"A little," Michael admitted.

"Well, let me make it up to you. You ever heard of a group called Goldfrapp?"

"I know their music," Michael instantly intrigued.

"Well, they're performing down at the Aragon tonight, and I have tickets. Spock and Nyota were supposed to come with me, but they canceled."

She wanted to shout an immediate yes. Goldfrapp had been one of her favorite groups when she was younger, and she still loved their music. She'd gotten to see them in concert once when visiting France.  She'd never expected to see them here in the U.S so never watched for tour dates. By the time she'd found out the Aragon being a fairly small auditorium had sold out. Still, she chose to play it cool for just a moment with Jim, invoking the emotional control all her friends and family knew her for.

"So your way of making it up to me is by making me second choice."

Jim scoffed, "Come on, the three of us planned this over a month ago, and as I remember you always had your own friends Michael."

"So I'm just a fill-in, and here I thought I was special. Goldfrapp is one of my favorite groups. I should have been invited from the beginning-"

"-Michael, I didn't know. Of course, I would have invited you." His tone was plaintive, and she bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing. "You should blame Spock he is your brother, after all, he should have told you-

Unable to hold it in she laughed, dropping the pretense of offense.

"You're messing with me?"

"Maybe a little. And look how fast you threw Spock under the bus."

He sighed, "well, I'm glad you had a laugh at my expense."

"You did say you wanted to cheer me up, so mission accomplished."

"So this means you're coming?"

"Yeah, I just need you to give my friend Sylvia the other ticket?" Technically, Michael was changing their plans for a guy, but she had a feeling Sylvia would want to see Goldfrapp.

"Yeah, sure. I'll pick you ladies up at 7 p.m."

"7 p.m. it is. Thanks, Jim, I'm actually really looking forward to it."

"Good. See you then."

* * *

 

For all that Michael generally preferred public transit to driving in the city --especially the search for parking on a Friday night-- she did not in any way regret avoiding the Wilson train station. Rotting wood, pigeon shit and the stench of urine emanating from the steps up to the platform were highlights of the Wilson Redline El' stop, and Michael was happy to avoid all three.

Although gentrification was on a steady creep through Chicago's many neighborhoods it hadn't fully taken hold of Uptown, so the Aragon sat in a neighborhood of abandoned classic buildings --monuments to the city's gold era of architecture-- overpriced newly remodeled housing, mom and pop shops, local bars, cute bakeries, trendy boutiques, the local halfway house and some of the best thrift stores in the city.

It was a great place to party, for a few more years. Accompanying the music of clubs, pubs and theaters was the steady snap and crackle of fireworks purchased in Indiana and illegally brought into the city as Chicagoans began their own 4th of July celebration just a little early.

"I know I trashed Jim, but I love Goldfrapp, and he's really cute."

Michael laughed, "I thought he had a big mouth and ulterior motives."

"He probably does, but he has the decency to drop us off at the theater while he deals with the parking. He's checking some boxes."

"You're a mess."

"I'm just saying."

The two friends fell silent a moment as a crowd of trendily dressed young people walked up to the box office.

"Did you ever hear from Gabe?"

"I had a text from him this morning and a missed call while I was on the metra. I sent him a couple of text, but I haven't heard back from him."

Sylvia nodded.

"So you haven't had a chance to ask him what's going on?"

"No, and I'm not going to," Michael shook her head.  "I'm just going to wait."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I told him I'd wait, so I want to be a woman of my word."

"Your choice," Sylvia shrugged. "Where's Jim? If he doesn't turn up soon, I'm going inside my feet are starting to hurt."

"Told you to wear flats." Michael looked down at Sylvia's four-inch shimmery red platforms and skin-tight leather pants. Sylvia's outfit was sexier and flashier than Michael's olive-colored flower print crop top, stretch jeans and strappy olive and gold flats but it was cute and more importantly comfortable and machine washable.

"Well, I still look hot."

Michael laughed "You do, let's go inside that way we can sit while we wait."

They turned in their tickets at the box office and headed inside with the stubs. There was a concession stand and bar not too far from the door as well as a few tables and benches for people arriving before the auditorium opened for seating. A few people milled about, and they saw patrons with beers and shot glasses with cute layered drinks in stripes of red, white and blue.

"Have a seat I'll get us some drinks."

"Thanks. I'll have that red, white and blue shot."

Michael went to the bar and saw a sign advertising $4 dollar firecrackers special for 4th of July. She figured it must be the shot that everyone seemed to be getting  The bar wasn't very crowded and a quick chat with the bartender confirmed that the firecrackers were a layer of watermelon schnapps, vodka, and blue curacao all chilled so that the alcohols settled one on top of the other in neat layers of red, white and blue. The bartender made up their drinks quickly, and Michael found Sylvia at an out of the way table where they could watch the door.

"Thanks, I'm super excited for this concert," Sylvia said as she took her drink. "We should have a toast."

"Okay to Jim's big mouth and guilty conscious."

"Free Goldfrapp tickets! Wooo!"

They clinked their shot glasses and down the firecrackers in one go. The shots were a blend of sweet and strong, leaving a familiar heat behind.

"I hope they play some of their earlier hits."

"Yeah seriously. I hate it when you go to a concert, and they don't want to play their classics. I get it you've played it a million times, and you want me to appreciate your new stuff, but I still love the old stuff sorry."

"I'll be disappointed if they don't perform Yes Sir and Number One," Michael said.

"I just want them to do Utopia."

"Her voice is so beautiful in that. I forgot where I read it, but Alison really could sing opera. While we're waiting, let's get a couple of pics."

When she was out Michael always took pictures for her Instagram but knowing that Gabe followed her there was a part of her hoping that seeing pictures of her out with friends, looking good, having fun would be enough to pull his attention from whatever was going on with him.

They snapped a couple of pics and Sylvia volunteered to get another round of firecrackers. Jim walked wearing a pair of fitted straight-legged jeans, Tims, a simple t-shirt and a lightweight denim jacket. He looked good, young trendy, fit, his hair teased up perfectly a single simple necklace. Michael found herself wondering what Gabriel would think about her being out with an attractive younger man who'd had a crush on her when they were teens.

"Sylvia!" She got the redhead's attention. "Get one more Jimmy's here."

He scanned the hall and smiled, dimples popping as soon as his eyes landed on her. He gave a quick wave and strode over to their table as Sylvia returned with their shots.

"Drinking already ladies?"

"Damned straight!" Sylvia declared. "Got one for you, bottoms up!!"

They tipped the second shot back setting the shot glasses down hard.

"Should we go get our seats," Michael said.

"This is you all's second drink?"

Both women nodded.

"I gotta catch up, and if we have time I wanna check this place out, I've never been here before. Gotta appreciate that classic Chicago architecture."

Michael glanced at Sylvia.

"I wouldn't mind looking around a second either."

"Majority rules." Michael shrugged she was starting to get that warm, relaxed feeling that settled over you after a few drinks.

Jim went to the bar for a third round of drinks.

"He's kinda cute ya' know." Sylvia watched appreciatively as Jim walked toward the bar.

"He is." She'd seen better asses, but his calves looked nice, and he had nice broad shoulders.

"You think he still has a crush on you?"

"I don't know."

"I bet Gabe would be jealous if he knew were out with a hot young guy."

Michael giggled.

"I could post some pictures of Jim and I to my Insta. Nothing suggestive of course, just us hanging out."

Sylvia gasped and grinned, "You totally should."

"Maybe." The liquor was making her feel a little fuzzy, but she still had some misgivings about deliberately trying to make Gabe jealous.

"Look we're out, we're in this beautiful theater, and we're going to see one of your favorite groups. You're going to post some pictures anyway. If Gabe happens to get jealous, that's not really your fault. We might not even be having this outing if he hadn't stressed you out."

Michael nodded. Jim returned with a third round of drinks and some extra for himself.

They knocked back their shots and strolled the halls of the Aragon Ballroom. Entering the Aragon was like entering a bygone era of an old Hollywood set that put Michael in mind of sweeping film epics like The Ten Commandments, Ben Hur or Lawrence of Arabia. The bright colors, the tiled floors, mosaic ceilings, hand painted columns, and the murals.

It was colorful, beautiful and according to the informative plaques inspired by a similarly named palace in Spain. Michael snapped pictures here and there for her Insta before suggesting the three of them crowd together for a selfie in front of one of the famous murals. It was a depiction of a desert oasis that Michael thought might have portrayed a scene from the bible.

There was something inviting about the mural with its palm trees, clear bubbling spring, and flowers.

"Lean down Jim so we can get a face shot." Michael stood between Sylvia and Jim and snapped a couple of pics.

"One more. Let me just adjust my phone. Thanks for the tickets by the way."

And then before she could change her mind, Michael stood up on tip-toe, kissed Jim on the cheek as she snapped a third pic. Jim looked startled and stroked his cheek after while  Sylvia smirked.

"What was that for?"

"Just a thank you for being a friend."  Michael opened her gallery and looked at the pic, suddenly hesitant about loading it to her Insta.  Nervous, she closed her gallery and started towards the auditorium.

"Come on, let's go get our seats."

* * *

 

Goldfrapp was a classed as dance/electronica and pop though they incorporated other sounds and genres into their music at times. The lead singer Alison Goldfrapp had a clear high voice that could spiral up and up almost soaring at times, and yet somehow she often managed to be incredibly sensual or even humorous. It was this blend of seemingly contradictory elements that had appealed to Michael when she'd heard Strict Machine in a film for the first time while the open sensuality of Twist had made her blush.

Their music style had changed over the years, but they still put on an energetic and entertaining show that had their audience up on their feet energized, cheering, dancing, and singing. Unfortunately for Michael, it did the exact opposite of what she'd hoped. Instead of having fun without Gabe, she found herself wanting to have fun with him. He'd like Alison's voice, and the sensual nature of some of the songs made her miss him even more.

They left the concert hall, drunk and cheerful. Sylvia started singing Happiness the moment they were outside. Michael determined to ignore that bit of disappointment joined her along with Jim and the three friends made their way down the street, dancing, and singing. Until Sylvia stopped in her tracks.

"Where are we going?" The redhead asked expression serious.

"Good question."

"Well, I know I don't want to go home," Michael said.

"Well shit neither do I," Jim said, checking his watch. "It's only midnight. There's gotta be a club or a lounge around here."

"We could go to the Green Mill?" Sylvia pointed down the street.

"I'm not in the mood for chill jazz," Michael said, searching her phone for things to do. "Ohhh, there is an arcade that serves drinks, it's open until 2 a.m., and it's just around the corner."

"Let's check that out. I don't think I've ever been in a straight up arcade," Jim said. While It was nice enough to walk, Sylvia insisted they take a cab; her feet hurt. Since the arcade was only a couple blocks away, the trio hailed one of the cabs already cruising the neighborhood, rather than wait for an Uber. The trip was short and sweet, and Sylvia had her credit card out to pay before Michael or Jim could think of it.

The arcade was in one of the few flat iron buildings in Chicago. It was dark and cavernous with standing arcade machines giving off an almost eerie glow. Sylvia went to a table immediately while Michael and Jim went to the bar for more drinks. The redhead opted to sit and sip a beer while they strolled the arcade.

The games were free to play and more than a little excited Michael and Jim  leaned on each other while they did their tour of the arcade stopping to play classic games like Ms. Pac Man, Centipede, Mortal Kombat and Dig Dug and laughing as laughing at one another as they were eaten by ghost, suffocated or had their spines ripped out.

The familiar and almost forgotten sounds of arcade machines drew Michael back to a barely remembered time of playing arcade games at mom and pop fast food restaurants, bowling alleys, movie theaters and the local skating rink on weekend outings with her birth parents begging for quarters for games that she could never really master.

It also finally took her mind off Gabe as she watched Jim's stunned and disbelieving face when he died for the third time in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

"I told you. Watch how it's done," Michael said, cracking her knuckles before getting her hands on the joystick. They'd had this one at one of the little neighborhood stores a couple of blocks from her house. It was a pretty straight forward game going through various levels with a boss at the end of each of fight. They could have played together, but it was fun to see how far they could get with the loser buying beer at the end of each round before they moved onto the next machine.

Sylvia eventually joined as they made their way around the arcade the three finishing up at the bar sloppy drunk but in good spirits. No sooner had they settled at the bar than the bartender gave the last call for alcohol. They ordered a round of whiskey shots and decided to head home. Agreeing that none of them were in any condition to drive, Michael summoned an Uber.

The three of them were able to crowd into the back of the drivers truck dozing off after getting settled and not waking until the truck stopped in front of Michael and Sylvia's apartment. It wasn't until their driver pulled off that they realized Jim had come with them instead of going to his hotel.

"You know you don't live here right," Sylvia said.

"Shit, yeah, I know."

"Actually I forgot to put in his destination, sorry. Why don't  you just sleep on the couch?"

"Alright because I'm about ready to crash at this point."

While Michael fumbled with the lock, Jim and Sylvia discussed the concert in sotto whispers, giggling drunkenly. Somehow the three of them managed the stairs giggling and wobbling as they climbed to the third floor supporting each other to the top. Sylvia flipped on the light once they were inside just in time to see the cats scatter confused and a little frightened by their humans' unusual behavior. Michael shut and locked the door behind them with clumsy fingers.

Sylvia took off her shoes and hurried down the hall to her bathroom.

"Why don't I have a PlayStation?" She looked at Jim. "Video games are fun, Jimmy. I could have so much fun with them."

He leaned against the wall hands in his pockets feet crossed at the ankle.

"Well, if you're anything like you were in high school you probably don't make time for something as frivolous and unproductive as video games."

Michael looked at him and giggled.

"That's definitely something I would say, oh my god." She flopped down on the couch not caring a moment about the furniture. Jim sat beside her, leaning back against the couch, touching her with only his knee.

"I'm sure I thanked you earlier Jim."

"You did."

"But I had so much fun. I know I mentioned this before, but I love Goldfrapp."

"You did."He smiled and shrugged casually dimples popping blue eyes soft and happy.

Michael stared at him a moment admiring his dimples and his eyes without thinking she reached out and stroked his cheek one finger lingering on his dimples. He bit his lower lip and Michael pulled her hand away.

"Sorry, sorry. I'm just drunk and- Let me get you some bedding."

"Right ok, yeah sure, it's fine."

Not bothering to take her shoes off, Michael made her down the hall past her bedroom to the linen closet. She grabbed a couple sheets and pillows and started back stopping suddenly outside her bedroom as she realized she had her shoes on. Michael went into her bedroom, setting the linens on her dresser and flipping the light on. She sat down on the bed to take her sandals off.

It took a few tries to undo the slim little buckle on her sandals, her fingers wouldn't quite do what she wanted them to, but she finally got one off.

"Hey."

She looked up to see Jim in the doorway.

"Right the bedding, sorry, I got distracted. It's right here."

She pointed to the dresser, and for some reason, her drunken brain reminded her that she and Gabe had never yet had sex in her room. Uncertain and embarrassed, Michael looked down at her feet one shoe off, one shoe on.

"Are you having trouble with your shoes?"

Before Michael could respond, Jim was kneeling to help her. He caught the heel of her still shod foot firmly in one hand large hand, his grip on her ankle warm and sure. She'd never liked feeling her smallness before but since Gabe- Michael swallowed and looked down at his blonde head ducked over her foot, his fingers struggling with the tiny clasp.

"Why is this buckle so tiny?"

"You don't have to-"

"-It's fine."

The clasp came free, and he looked up at her. "There you are, Michael." He slid her sandal off her foot, fingers ghosting along her sole, making her shiver. He looked up her with those warm, soft eyes, and Michael stared down at him.

After a moment he smiled, dimples popping adding to his charm. He was so fucking handsome. His smile widened warm and gentle like an embrace, and Michael found herself wanting to gaze into his eyes. They were different from Gabe's bright and intense and full of promise. Michael swallowed and jerked her foot away as if it had been burned.

"Thank you, Jim, we should go to bed-" Her eyes widened, and Michael shot to her feet as she realized what she'd just said. "I need to go to bed, and you need to go to the couch. Guest bathroom is down the hall, the couch the pulls out." She picked up the bedding from the dresser and shoved it into his arms and pushing him toward the door.

"Michael-"

"Goodnight, Jim."She slammed the door in his face and locked it behind him, leaning against it for a moment to breath. She didn't think he Jim would be anything more than respectful but locking the door made her feel more in control.

"Damn it, Gabe."

This was also his fault. Over the past two months, Michael had realized she had a healthy sexual appetite. In addition to spending their weekends together, they usually went out for a quick dinner or movie and back to Gabe's a couple nights a week. But thanks to whatever the hell was going on with him this last week she hadn't gotten laid since Sunday morning. So now here she was horny and looking way too hard at a friend that she'd never given a second thought before.

With a sigh, Michael got out of her jeans and blouse and tossed them on the loveseat she was too tired and drunk to put them away properly. Jewelry went on the dresser, and finally, her bra joined the rest of her clothing. Michael turned the light off and got into bed. The summer air was warm and comfortable, so she got into bed, covering herself with only a sheet.

There was that brief spinning sensation as she closed her eyes, and the cats joined her on the bed. She thought the sudden surge of irritation would keep her awake, but almost the moment she closed her eyes, Michael drifted off into sleep.

 

* * *

Goldfrapp is a real band named for their lead singer Alison Goldfrapp. I really enjoy their music and I recommend checking them out. Every song mentioned in this chapter is worth checking out.

Here's a link to a Goldfrapp [playlist](Goldfrapp%20is%20a%20real%20band%20named%20for%20their%20lead%20singer%20Alison%20Goldfrapp.%20I%20really%20enjoy%20their%20music%20and%20I%20recommend%20checking%20them%20out.%20Every%20song%20mentioned%20in%20this%20chapter%20is%20worth%20checking%20out.) of some of my favorite songs. You can also look up some of their live shows on YouTube, I'd recommend checking them out when you get a chance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading friends. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please take a moment to comment and ofc subscribe so you don't miss a single update.


	5. The 2nd of July pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel mourns his son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, friends, fans, fellow shippers got this one up a little quicker than the last few. I'm hoping to get back on a more consistent post schedule. As always I look forward to your comments so take a moment to leave one and don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss an update.

His good mood stayed with him for the duration of his flight. Michael's upbeat 80's playlist and her Chicago snacks adding just a bit of fun to the journey.  He spent most of the trip, guiltily, thinking over the fact that she'd done these little things just for him in spite of his behavior this last week. The thought put a smile on his face one he couldn't quite shake.

He'd have to make it up to her not by just telling her the truth but by doing something special, something to make sure she knew how much he appreciated her and this effort to cheer him up, especially since it worked. _What a sweet, perfect little thing she was_.

His improved mood stayed with him until he pulled into the parking lot for the hotel, a local place, that he felt the familiar downward tug of guilt and grief. He sat a moment looking at the historic building, a three-story mansion supposedly built in the late 1800s and turned into a hotel. It was a beautiful building with floor to ceiling arching windows, wrought iron balconies and its own storied history.

Gabe took a deep breath and relaxed his grip on the steering wheel. Resisting the downward pull, Gabriel reminded himself --not for the first time-- that he could mourn Anthony without beating himself up.

The couple that ran the hotel knew and recognized him immediately.

"Hey there, Mr. Lorca." Mamie Johnson greeted him with her charming smile. 

"Thanks, Mrs. Johnson, you get younger every year I swear."

She laughed at that, cheeks dimpling, eyes lighting.

"Now your room is already Mr. Lorca jus' the way you like, and we got a pitcher of tea ready for ya' if you want."

"I don' know it's a bit late ain't it Mamie."

"Have a seat for jus' a few minutes Gabe. I won't press ya' none, but I know you don't get any tea or lemonade like this up north in- Where are you livin' now?"

"Chicago."

"-Well. I know you don' get nuthin' like this up there."

"You're right on that Mamie, but Chicago holds its own in the cuisine contest."

"Well just sit on down and tell us all about it."

Gabriel chuckled.

"Alright, Mamie you win."

She smiled again.

"Andy take Mr. Lorca's luggage up to his room."

"Yes, momma. Hey Mr. Lorca." Mamie's son, now sixteen and almost certainly a foot taller than he had been a year came from the back to do as told.

The Johnsons knew all about Anthony and his yearly visit, so they didn't press him with small talk about his trip. Instead, they asked him about Chicago. Was it as violent and frightening as the news made out? Did it really get that cold during with?

After spending a good twenty minutes shootin the breeze, Gabriel decided it was time for him to get settled. He knew the hotel pretty well after staying there almost yearly for the past ten years. He got into his room, got settled, and then headed back down to the dining room for a dinner of country fried steak, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and white gravy and fresh green beans. 

Listening to the guest around him talk and gossip proved to be an entertaining distraction. After dinner, he had a couple drinks and sat making phone calls to let Michael, his parents, and everyone else letting them know he'd arrived safe before heading up to his room to turn-in. 

Gabriel woke without the alarm, showered and dressed and pulled a couple of things from his suitcase a hot wheels car that he'd mounted on a peg, and a stuffed bear. He'd also saved some of the food Michael had brought him. Obviously, his son couldn't play with the toys or eat the food, but he wrote them off as a donation to who or whatever claimed them.

Everything in order, he went down to the dining room for a breakfast of shrimp and grits before heading over to the florist. 

The difference between the city and the country always amazed him. The little roadside shops, no sidewalk, sitting on about an acre of land with a couple parking spots for customers. The florist had a few acres for their greenhouse, nursery, and garden. And he knew they also had flowers that they didn't grow themselves delivered several times per week. 

"Hey there, Gabe. How was your drive?" John, a man well into his seventies dressed in simple short-sleeved seersucker shirt and jeans, greeted him.

"Good, I got in late no traffic. How've you been the last year?"

"Market for flowers is good, and my granddaughter is eager to take over the shop."

Gabe smiled, "That's good news."

Just then a young woman wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt with her hair in one long dark braid walked in, eyes fixed on her tablet.

"Hey, grandpa I was looking at-"

The older man cleared his throat, and the young woman looked up.

"You must be Mr. Lorca. I'm Jenny."

"That's right." He shook the young woman's hand, and she smiled pleasantly enough.

"Is it ok if I let Jenny help you?"

He considered protesting, but if Jenny were taking over the business, he might as well let her. 

"Alright, Mr. Lorca I know you always get an arrangement and flowers to plant. I've got a few options for you. How often will they check on them for you?"

"Every other day."

"These are going to be your best options here." He followed her toward a rack of tiny budding plants. "I know you usually do red, yellow, or purple with some white, we've got pansies, marigolds and geraniums. Do these look good?"

"Yeah."

"Alright," she gave him a wide smile. "So I'll let you fill up your tray, and  just gimmie a shout if you have any questions."

"Thanks, Jenny."

"You're welcome."

He selected a few plants to decorate his son's grave almost as if they were a pillow, the tombstone a headboard, a bed for a ghost.

Maintenance was typically monthly during the summer, but the newly planted flowers would need more attention to take root and thrive so, he paid a little extra for that. His family and in-laws could check in and make sure he wasn't being ripped off.

Gabe got his flowers and bouquet as he did every year and started the drive up to the cemetery. Once he'd parked, he took a moment to glance at his phone before getting out. He had a text from Michael.

**M.B.:'Good morning, handsome. Glad you arrived safe and got checked in. According to Sylvia, I've been a bad friend, ditching her for my boyfriend. I guess that's true. I'll take this weekend to make it up to her. I hope you have a good visit with your family, call me soon.'**

He chuckled both amused and flattered, and suddenly Gabe wished that Michael was with him. Wished that when he finished at the cemetery and came back to the hotel that she'd be waiting for him. That he could take her in his arms and just hold onto her. The mingling scents that he'd come to associate with her would waft over him --the crisp yet pungent smell of the hair oil she used, the soft sweet fragrance her skin cream, and the cool watery scent of her perfume-- as he pressed her close, holding her, letting her hold him. For a brief moment thinking of her waiting for him at the hotel or the idea of bringing her with him to the places he planned to visit like Ainsley park or the pond where he took Anthony fishing soothed him and found himself smiling as he sat in the cemetery parking lot. Behind that came a wave of guilt. 

He'd discussed this with the therapist, of course, agreed letting himself be miserable didn't accomplish anything. Anthony wouldn't want him to be unhappy. But it didn't stop him from feeling that it was somehow wrong to be thinking of Michael and smiling as he sat in the cemetery parking lot. With a shake of his head, Gabriel got out of the car.

Unlike his dream, he didn't need any help finding Anthony's grave. He'd visited plenty of times during the last ten years. And now he found it in a fifteen-minute walk from the gates amidst the other Lorca plots.

"Hey, son I've come to see you just like every year. It's the 2nd of July. I don't know where you are, of course, but I hope you're well." He knelt in front of the hip height marble slab that marked his son's resting place. It showed his name date of birth and death. A quick calculation would confirm that he was only eight years old when he died, a span that would prompt passers-by to cluck their tongues and shake their heads in pity. No need to add gone too soon instead the marble slab was decorated with trees and vines and flowers. 

Kneeling there in the heat, July sun beating on him Gabriel prayed for his son, asking the Lord to comfort his little soul and keep him safe. Then as he'd done year after year he started to dig, not too deep just enough to plant the flowers he'd brought. 

And as he dug, he talked. The heat and the sun made him sweat, the earth cool and soft found its way under his fingernails and up his forearms.

He told Anthony everything, well not everything, but the highlights, the stories. He told him about Chicago, the beaches and the museums, and the nature trails. He told him about Boo and a bit about Michael. Painting pictures with words as best he could until he was sweating and there was an ache in his forearms. 

But the flowers were planted pansies in red, yellow, blue white and purple. He filled in the earth around them until they were firm and secure. Watered them so they would thrive in the hot Georgia sun.  Then, of course, there was the hot wheels car and the snacks. 

"So Michael, she's the friend I mentioned before, a very good friend. She wanted to cheer me up and got these little things for me, food found only in her hometown of Chicago. I like to think you would like her. The two of you have the same type of curious scientific mind. The food is Dat Donuts they're amazing, Garret's popcorn, Fannie Mae Candies. It's good stuff son."

The sugary treats would attract a few insects but nothing that would be bad for the flowers. He sat the snacks out on a little plastic plate and sighed. 

"You can never go, but I can bring it to you."

Having done what he'd come to do Gabriel sat for a while. After all these years, this still place where he felt closest to Anthony. So he took a few minutes to just sit quietly at his son's grave before cleaning himself off as best he could with the wipes he'd brought.

"Alright, son I've got to get these flower to your mother."

Gabriel kissed his fingertips and brushed them along the boy's name: Anthony Lorca.

"I love you and miss you, I'll never forget you."

And with those words, he turned and walked away tenth-anniversary visit completed but rather than depart he headed deeper into the cemetery where the ever-branching Live Oaks hung with Spanish moss.  Gabel made his way up the sloping path, past marble slabs and mausoleums toward the deeper sections of the cemetery, 

He saw Willa at the half-way point. 

They didn't speak, they didn't need to, they were both there for the same thing. So instead he just leaned down to hug her, to let her hug him. There was comfort in it for them both. 

She had one of her granddaughters with her. The girl looked to be about 17, she flashed him a shy smile, and he gave her a friendly nod.

"I'm gonna go back to the hotel and shower Mrs. Willa and then pick you up for lunch."

"Just like always."

She gave his cheek a friendly pat.

"You need to get more rest baby."

"Yes, ma'am."

The two of them continued in opposite directions, Gabriel moving almost by rote a walk he'd taken many times, the meandering path taking him across Willa Mae's steps to the grave of his ex-wife.

* * *

The restaurant was a small place, famous for peach cobbler, lemonade, grits, fried catfish, and hush puppies. You didn't eat them altogether but just about anyone coming Patsy's for dinner had at least one of those and Gabriel Lorca, returning home for the first time in a year, had several of them.

He started with lemonade to drink --though to be fair most places in the U.S. offered a good lemonade-- and hush puppies while he waited for his meal. He ordered the meatloaf instead of fried chicken and of course, peach cobbler for dessert. He didn't even have to look at the menu.

Ms. Willa looked a little older but not much different. Her hair was still burned straight, her posture still proud. She started her meal with a glass of cold, sweet tea.

Gabe ordered for both of them, and the waitress brought their drinks right away. Once she was gone the older woman folded her hands on the table and gave him an appraising look before frowning. 

"How you doing baby you don't look so good?"

"Same as always."

She frowned, knowing full well that he wasn't being honest at all.

"Maddox isn't going to give you a hard time, is he?"

"Don't worry about Maddox. He might huff and puff a bit, but he's a good boy still listens to his momma. But you're changing the subject, Gabriel. You look as if you haven't been sleepin'."

He sighed.

"It's just this last week. I actually really like Chicago. What about you, Mama Mae?"

She smiled slightly.

"I stay busy. I got my boy Maddox and my other daughter, Anna, and all my grandbabies. The youngest plays piano now."

"How's Craig?"

Willa smiled, Craig was Anna's son one of Anthony's cousins and only a few months younger than Anthony would have been.

"He's keeping up all his grades. Finally picked a major, he fusses about the money I send him, but he don't know it's from you."

Gabe nodded, right after Anthony's death it had helped him to help Craig. The two boys had been friends, they even looked a little alike, and he could imagine Anthony doing the things Craig was getting to do. 

She told him all about how Craig was doing in college, talked about her other grandchildren, and shared the local gossip with him. And this was part of why he continued to have lunch with Mrs. Willa every July 2nd since the year Ava killed herself.

The first had been the roughest for him. Ava had never recovered from Anthony's death, and that 3rd year just a few days before Christmas she'd gotten drunk and driven her car into a tree. She'd called him on the 19th sounding upbeat, hopeful even. She'd seemed the happiest she'd been since  Anthony's death. They cleared the air on the all grief and misunderstandings between them. Gabe had thought she was getting better. 

He'd gone to her funeral and then the wake not at all sure of his reception, but determined to go. He remembered the moment still, dead silence, every eye on him. He'd never felt his whiteness so keenly. Mrs. Willa had motioned him over, and he'd been prepared for whatever punishment she meted out. 

_"Sit here next to me baby."_

_He'd done as told, the room relaxed. Ms. Willa covered his hand with hers and leaned in close and said just loud enough for him to hear._

_"Gabriel Lorca I know your dirt, and I know her dirt," she'd sighed. "You're still welcome here."_

_Maddox, some of the others glared, but if Mama Mae accepted him, then that was that._

Lots had gone wrong between them, he'd made mistakes, and they'd hurt each other, but he still cared what happened to her and her family. Staying connected to them was important. 

So Gabe listened as she talked about her ever extending family, roots, and branches spreading out like Live Oaks. She asked after his family, mother, father, siblings. He showed her pictures of Chicago, sights that wouldn't make into a movie but were still beautiful. She asked what he planned to do for the rest of his stay. His answer was the same as every year. 

And then their lunch was winding down. He offered to drive her home, let her granddaughter stay in town with her friends. And Gabriel was pleased to see her smile.

"Thank you, baby."

* * *

 After lunch with Mrs. Willa Gabriel headed out alone and made his way around town. He didn't bother visiting friends or checking out the downtown revitalization project he saw advertised on billboards and pamphlets. Gabe had his own tour.

He went to the conservatory one of Anthony's favorite places, the bookstore, the boardwalk,  the little candy shop where he used to take his son to get sweets like gummy fruit slices, chewy caramels, taffies, and sour warheads. Ainsley Park wasn't far from there, and he watched the kids play on the same playground he'd taken Anthony to until one too many parents gave the lone man watching the kids dirty looks. Sighing, he strolled away from the playground and deeper into the park to the pond where he used to take Anthony to fish. 

He settled on a hillock and took out his phone. He owed Michael a call. He got her voicemail and left her a  message feeling just a bit relieved that Michael didn't answer. He wanted to talk to her but If she'd ask him how he was Gabe didn't think he'd be able to lie anymore. 

What he wanted was to explain himself in person. She deserved a complete explanation, and he didn't think he could give her one here now. Not just how his son died, but why he didn't tell her right away and why he'd kept it from her when she'd asked. It was complicated and messy, and more than he was up to explaining right now, so he forced as much false cheer into his voice as he could and told her his visit was going well and that he was looking forward to seeing her in a few days.

The first time he'd taken Anthony fish he'd brought him here, to Ainsley Pond. There were better fishing spots a few hours away in the area, but he'd had a limited amount of time so they'd driven out here and it had been perfect. 

No one else had come to the pond that day, they were probably down at the lake. The shade from the surrounding by woods meant the summer day had been comfortable and cool at the pond. Dragonflies skimming the water's surface, the splash of the occasional fish as it broke the surface of the water to catch one. The calls of the birds from the woods around them and the rustle of trees and shrubs on the opposite side of the pond had been enough to cut them off from the rest of the world and make the day even a little magical.  It had been more than a month since they'd spent any real time together and Anthony had been delighted to have his father to himself. Catching his first fish had been an added bonus. 

Not much had changed in ten years not here, and he could almost imagine Anthony sitting at the water's edge fishing pole in hand a mixture of excitement and fear on his scrunched up face as he fought to catch his first fish. Now Gabe found himself looking at the water and thinking that perhaps he should have spent the day teaching him to swim instead. 

Knowing where this train of thought ended, Gabriel got his phone back out and dialed his mother. He'd see her tomorrow, but he always spoke to his mother on July 2nd whether he saw her in person or talked to her on the phone they always spoke. It was as much a part of his memorial ritual as the path he'd traced today. She answered on the second ring. 

"Hello, son."

"Hey, Ma."

* * *

 After a long full day, Gabriel returned to the familiar hotel satisfied but exhausted to the bone. Wearied he stripped down to his boxers hoping for another dreamless sleep. He'd been making this trip for a few years now, and no matter how he felt leading up to the anniversary he always felt at least partially purged. He'd still grieve and be sad for the rest of the week, but the worst was of it was done. 

He had phone calls to make. He and Michael had played phone tag, and he should probably check in with his family but damned if the last week hadn't left him exhausted besides Michael had texted him not an hour ago that she was going to a concert. It would be nice to talk to her, but he yawned and his eyes smarted and watered as he looked at the phone. The idea of calling anyone seemed impossible. Michael was probably still at the concert and he could check-in with his family in the morning. Promising himself that he'd make his phone calls first thing in the more Gabriel turned off his phone and got ready for bed.

He woke to a nearly dark hotel room, faint light creeping in around the edges of the curtains. A glance at the clock on the nightstand showed the time to be 10:17 a.m. 

"Damn," Gabriel muttered those words and sat up with a stretch. He'd figured he'd sleep late but not this late. Forcing himself to move quickly he got out of bed and went to the dresser grabbing a pair of heavy cotton shorts from the drawer and pulled them on before opening first, the curtains and then the blinds to let some light in. He stretched again hearing bones crack and went to the bathroom, thinking over his day as he took a piss and brushed his teeth.  

Check-out was 11 a.m., his drive down to Brunswick was a couple hours. He wasn't a fan of gas station food, but he wanted to get to his mother's as early as possible. He needed to call Michael before he got on the road. It would be good to hear her voice, and he could apologize for being unavailable yesterday. First, though he wanted to make check-out. If he could get on the road by 11 a.m., he could reach Brunswick in time to have a late lunch with his mother.

Gabe took a quick shower, dressed, packed up his room, had a tip out for housekeeping by 10:45 a.m, grabbed his phone, and headed out the door. He headed downstairs to check out while his phone booted. 

He had a brief, friendly conversation with Mamie before heading out to his car, scrolling through his notifications as he walked. Refreshed and in a somewhat better mood, he suddenly found himself eager to talk with Michael. He needed to let his mother know he was on his way of course, but he'd missed Michael, yesterday and missed her even more today. So when he saw she'd updated her Instagram Gabriel opened the app and went immediately to her story, assuming it was about the concert she'd gone to last night.

Michael couldn't be bothered with Facebook, but he'd followed her Instagram almost as long as they'd been dating. He liked the stories and pics she posted, pictures that had improved since her photography lesson. 

Smiling Gabe opened the app and navigated to her Insta-story.

She looked damned good in the first picture. He recognized her bathroom tile in the background she was wearing shoulder and mid-drift baring olive blouse with lavender flowers. Her dark hair floated around her head in a fro, and she smiled broadly winking for the camera, showing just a bit of cleavage. 

He let his eyes linger a moment on bare shoulders and soft cleavage. She had such soft skin he could almost smell the rose fragrance Michael liked to wear, feel the silkiness of her skin under his fingertips. He hearted the picture and swiped looking through the rest of the photos.

They were all shots of Michael, Sylvia and some guy named Jim at the Aragon.  There was a picture with Michael standing between her two friends, Jim's arm around her waist. Gabe clucked his tongue at that and paged through the rest of the pics. There were a couple pictures of the colorful architecture of the Aragon itself and a band called Goldfrapp that he'd never heard of.

But it was the last one that made him grind his teeth. 

His instincts told him that Michael rarely did anything so thoughtless. If she was going to cheat on him --not that she was the cheating type-- she'd never be so careless, and she wasn't touchy and affectionate like this in public either. It was a stunt to get his attention, putting it where he would see it, he was almost 100% certain.

"Fuck!" He swore under his breath and stared at the final pic in the story and its caption: **_'Great time with an old friend.'_ ** A friend who had his arm around her waist, his hand settled in the small of her back as Michael kissed him.

* * *

 Hey everyone thanks for reading, leave a comment, hit that subscribe button or stop on by my [Tumblr ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard)and say hi. Next update should be soon.


	6. Insecure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael makes Gabriel jealous in an attempt to get his attention before joining her family for the 4th of July.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there friends, I hope everyone's summer is going well. Wanted to get this update up a little sooner but it just kept getting longer and longer.

Michael squinted against the sunlight. Her bedroom was comfortably cool, the window air conditioner humming and blowing out air cool enough to allow her to sleep up under a lightweight spread. She stretched and coughed dry throat and bursting bladder calling attention to themselves. 

Without thinking she grabbed her phone from its place on the nightstand and sat up or tried to, the room began to spin the moment she lifted her head from the pillow, and a dull headache tightened around her head.

"Oh, god." 

Michael fell back against the pillows, the room stopped spinning, but the headache didn't go away, her mouth felt as if it had been swabbed by gym sock, and her bladder screamed its urgency. She had to get up; with a deep breath, she tried again. Moving slowly, Michael made it first to sitting position and then standing. 

She stood a moment waiting for the world to go still before l staggering to the bathroom. It took a few absolutely blessed minutes to empty her bladder, but the deep sense of relief from that one action was not enough to distract from her a headache that made her wince if she moved too fast or the dryness in her throat that felt like death itself.

Taking care to keep quiet, she made her way to the kitchen hand raised to block the early morning sun. She drank down a glass of water chilled from the fridge, sighing in relief as it eased her parched throat and poured a second glass. She pressed this one to her hot, dry eyes for a moment, leaning against the counter before finishing it thirstily too, this time with two Excedrin.

Feeling a bit more human now she checked her phone, 6:15 a.m. Without thought or hesitation, she scrolled through her notifications. Most had come in last night during the concert. She had messages and missed calls from Spock, Nyota, her parents, even Philippa. Messages from everyone but the one she was looking for. Seeing that or the lack thereof all of the frustration, worry and anger with Gabriel that had built up over the last week peaked, the care and consideration she'd had for what might or might not be going on with him evaporated in an instant, disappearing as anger took its place. 

Before she could reconsider, she'd opened her Instagram and loaded the best of her pictures from last night, putting together a quick story about the concert and seeing old friends. Gabe was pretty good about checking her Instagram posts, but just in case Michael made the very first picture the bathroom selfie she'd taken and the last one well --she grinned with righteousness and smug satisfaction as she selected it-- was the one she'd taken last night when she kissed Jim on the cheek. The kiss was harmless, but it would get his attention. Before any doubt could creep in, hit the send button.

Just then she recalled putting Jim out of her room and closing the door in his face. Guilt and embarrassment flooded through her, she hadn't even bothered to make sure he was properly settled. Michael started toward the living room, stopping a moment to grab her robe and pull it on over her pajamas, before padding up to the couch. 

The living room was warmer than her bedroom but not uncomfortable, the ceiling fan and the cool morning breeze wafting through the open windows kept it from getting hot or stuffy. Jim hadn't actually bothered with the pull-out, he'd simply stripped out of his clothes and piled them up on the floor next to the couch, pulled a sheet up over his bare skin and passed out on the sofa. She found him drooling onto one of her pillows, his blonde hair mussed, bare chest exposed. Michael noted his boxers amidst the pile of clothing and blushed as she realized he was completely nude. At least he looked comfortable.

Still feeling a bit guilty about the previous night, she pushed thoughts about how attractive he was out of her mind and went back to the kitchen. She poured a glass of water and got two Excedrin for him. She sat those on the coffee table and stood over him for a moment. The sheet only covered him to the waist, and her eyes settled on his bare chest. She felt a brief flaring of the desire she'd felt for him last night. Michael shook her head, making her headache worse for a moment before starting back to her bedroom. 

Her anger with Gabe was not quite enough to counter the symptoms of her hangover and her big bed with fluffy pillows, rumpled sheets, and a well-cushioned mattress was a most tempting sight. Michael got back into bed. Not quite ready to sleep she sent text messages to her parents confirming that she and Sylvia would be there for cast-off, thanked Spock for the heads up about her parents growing frustration and curiosity, and told Nyota to wear the orange swimsuit. Gabe had yet to comment about her Insta-story, but it wasn't even 7 a.m. Michael yawned, the burst of energy she'd had after waking on four hours of sleep passing as she drifted off into confused, worrying dreams.

When she woke again, it was to the sound of her ringtone as the phone buzzed angrily against the hardwood of her nightstand. Pushing her sleep mask up Michael groped a moment for the phone before finding the smooth, glass screen with her fingers. Gabe's picture disappeared from her screen as the call went into voicemail. A second later, her ringtone started up again, and Michael grinned pleased with herself. She started to answer but stopped, let him wait.

After the call went to voicemail a second time, Michael reviewed her notifications two missed calls, from Gabe, some texts messages (including one from Jim), some likes of her Instagram pics...and now a text from Gabe.

It was just after 10 a.m., and she was feeling rested, headache mostly gone. Rather than reply, Michael got out of bed and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. She needed to work-out and shower, but she would probably talk to Gabe before that. 

When she finished freshening up, Michael checked her text messages. Jim had gone to pick-up the Charger and would meet them at the harbor, he'd had a great time last night. Philippa wanted her to have a happy 4th, she was coming to town next weekend. The older woman wanted to have lunch. Michael went through all of her messages before settling on the chair in her reading nook and opening Gabe's text.

It was a screenshot of the last photo in her Insta-story, the one with her kissing Jim on the cheek with one simple message:

**G.L.: 'What the hell is this?'**

**M.B.: 'It's a picture."**

**G.L.: 'You know what I mean.'**

**M.B.: 'Do I?'**

**G.L.: 'Michael don't play around. Who is this friend you're all hugged up on and kissing?'**

**M.B.: 'Jim is a family friend, I'm not hugged up on anyone, and it's a peck on the cheek. I don't know what your problem is. You, basically ignored me for a week and now you got an attitude because I went out with some friends.'**

Several minutes passed, and Michael told herself not to worry, she hadn't overdone it, and then the phone rang.

"Hello."

"Hi."

She could hear the annoyance in his voice.

"So you did that to get my attention?"

"Not everything is about you, Gabe. I want to have fun as people do."

He scoffed at that. 

"I know you Michael, and I know how much thought you put into your actions, don't play games-"

If he'd have said anything but "I know you", it might have been ok, but that one phrase rankled in its smug assumptiveness.

"-I'm playing games!" She got to her feet. "Who got drunk and stood me up? Who hasn't been returning my text messages and phone calls? Who, when I ask him what's going on puts me off for a week? You don't get to accuse me of playing games because I took a picture you don't like. You don't know me as well as you think, Gabriel Lorca!" 

With that, she disconnected the call. Beyond irritated now, Michael did something she almost never did she turned her phone off. 

* * *

 

She felt a little calmer driving back from the gym. The plan had been to do some lifting and work-out with the body bag, but after a late night of partying and only a banana for breakfast, Michael just hadn't felt up to it. She'd joined the Saturday morning yoga class instead. The work-out and meditation had brought her anger down a bit. She still didn't know what to do, but she was feeling better, at least. 

She hit pockets of traffic here and there on her drive back from the gym in Hyde Park to her South Shore apartment. With the pleasant weather and the impending fireworks, people were out everywhere most of them going in the opposite direction but still clogging the streets at intersections and traffic lights. But it was a beautiful day, the sky perfectly blue and littered with puffy white clouds, a gentle breeze from the lake. The smell of barbecue filling the air while fireworks whistled and popped relentlessly. The celebratory atmosphere was infectious, and it eased her irritation toward Gabe further as she drove home.

It was going to be a good day. Getting out on the boat with her family, grilling, music, fireworks, the celebratory attitude in the city...it would be fun. By the time she pulled into the driveway at her apartment, Michael was smiling.

Back in her apartment she showered washing off the sweat and stink of the gym. By the time she finished showering though Michael was starting to feel a bit drained, the banana she'd eaten before her work-out unable to compensate for her late night. She made a quick breakfast of sunny-side-up eggs seasoned with garlic salt, toast, and creamy cool cottage cheese with fresh blueberries and honey. Coco and Snowball lounged on the kitchen floor while she cooked, and eventually, she heard the sound of Sylvia's shower starting.

Her stomach was growling by the time she'd finished cooking, and Michael sat down to breakfast in the kitchen with a smile, eating the eggs and sopping up gooey thickened yolks with toast just the way her mom had taught her when she was a little girl. On some Saturday mornings when she'd still been very small, her mother would arrange her eggs and bacon in a smiley face. Eating them for breakfast still left her with a sense of well being nearly twenty years later. After the eggs and toast, she ate the cottage cheese and fruit savoring the soft sweetness of the honey while blueberries taut, juicy and sweet burst between her teeth.

Sylvia strode into the kitchen as Michael was finishing up her breakfast, damp hair loose about her shoulders, robe tied close.

"Good morning." The redhead said going straight for the coffee pot. " Is Jim still here?"

"Afternoon actually and he left, he's going to meet us at the harbor." Michael hopped off the barstool and looked pointedly at the clock. "You'd better get a move on, cast-off is at 3 p.m., father won't want to wait."

"Sarek won't leave us?" Sylvia looked at her with wide worried eyes. "Will he?"

"No, but I'll get a lecture about time management."

"Alright, then I guess I'll hurry."

"Thank you."

While Sylvia scarfed down a breakfast of toast and scrambled eggs Michael dressed in the 4th of July outfit she'd bought at the other woman's urging. Old school, red-and-white, polka-dot bikini with high-waisted bottom and a wide strap halter top. She pulled a pair of high-waisted, dark blue denim shorts with buttons up either side on. Big, red, star-shaped plastic hoop earrings with matching sunglasses along with a bright red lipstick completed the look. 

She braided her hair in two long plates and twisted them up into Chibi-moon style cones on either side of her head and admired the whole thing in her mirror. She looked like a modern pin-up. 

She'd admired the bikini in the store a couple of months back but hesitated to buy it the eye-catching red and white polka dots and old school style a bit out of her comfort zone. But Sylvia had encouraged the purchase, commenting that Gabe would like it. The other woman was right of course if Gabe had been here to see it, he wouldn't be able to keep his hands or eyes off of her.

Sighing now Michael looked down at her phone, resting on the wooden surface of her vanity and frowned. There were no new text messages or calls from Gabe. Not wanting to think about that she shoved the phone in her purse; she wasn't exactly ready to speak to him anyway.

"Sylvia, you ready?"

"Almost."

Michael grabbed her navy blue, denim espadrille wedges, her beach cover-up and headed toward the living room; it was almost time to get going. 

The drive to Winthrop harbor was a long one, made even longer by the fact that they couldn't take Lake Shore Drive north. With several million people crowding Grant park and all the city beaches the normally quick-moving road was a parking lot. Instead, they drove west over to Western Avenue bypassing the equally packed 95 as the quickest route to the far north side of the city before merging onto the highway heading into the wealthy northern suburbs.

The two women chatted as Michael drove, Sylvia more than a little excited to go onto the lake. The redhead had never been on a boat before. Last July Sarek and Amanda had been in South Africa, and the first-year Michael and Sylvia had been roommates the other woman had returned home for the summer. 

"So, are you actually planning to swim?"

"Yes."

"But you're going to take the boat away from the shore."

"About 20 miles. The water is clear and blue like those tropical beach photos when you get away from the river and the city."

Sylvia swallowed.

"That's not dangerous, swimming in open water like that?"

Michael laughed.

"Not really, not unless you've got rough weather or high winds. Today is perfect for swimming in the lake. The water is fairly deep that far out, so it's quite cool and crystal clear. You can see fish, plants, shipwrecks, but you can't see the bottom, it feels endless." 

Sylvia shook her head.

"No thanks, I'll stay on the boat."

"Suit yourself."

They made good time, and Michael pulled off the highway when she saw an exit for Sheridan road it would add about 10 or 15 minutes to the trip but the traffic was easy when you were going against the flow of it, and she wanted to take the winding road that went past a series of beautiful well-maintained mansions, gardens, and tree-lined streets. Whatever her critiques of capitalism and modern society she could still appreciate the architecture of the late 19th and early 20th centuries, it didn't hurt that Sheridan road took them directly to the harbor.

They found parking quickly and easily and made their way toward the slip for the S.S. Discovery.

"Mom!" Michael waved as she spied Amanda standing on deck wearing a wide-brimmed navy and white striped summer hat with a matching navy and white beach cover-up trimmed in cute little tassels.

"You girls made it," Amanda called with a wave as they boarded Michael striding up the gangplank with confidence while Sylvia followed her with cautious steps.

"Did you think we weren't going to? We're 15 minutes early." 

Amanda greeted her with a hug."You know how your father is."

Sylvia boarded and cast a nervous glance over her shoulder; Amanda pulled her into a hug too.

"Sylvia, so glad you joined us, dear, you look lovely."

In a departure from her usual bright colors, Sylvia had chosen a black swimsuit with black and white striped trim, a narrow black and white striped belt and ruffle-trimmed with the same horizontal black and white stripes, the black sarong skirt cover-up creating a long, sexy silhouette. 

"Thanks, is everyone else here?"

"Yes, Nyota, Spock, and Jim are on the aft deck with Sarek. Michael, what's all this?" Amanda motioned toward the cloth grocery bag.

"We brought some lamb chops, already marinated, deviled eggs and potato salad."

"Let's get this stuff in the fridge."

Amanda took one of the bags as Jim came striding along the side of the boat with a smile, trying to catch her eye. A wave of guilt washed over, and Michael turned her attention to her mother.

"I'll help mom."

Holding onto one of the bags, Michael started below deck with a cursory wave of greeting for Jim as she headed downstairs, her mother behind her.

While the S.S. Discovery was technically a sailing yacht, it was nothing like the images the word conjured up. It was on the small side, 60 feet in length, with an aft and mainsail, and modest quarters below deck offering dining for four, one head, and two cabins with a total of four narrow berths. The below decks were paneled in a soft maple wood and decorated with a nautical theme.

Amanda rummaged in the narrow fridge making space for the food and Michael sat down at the padded bench determined to avoid James for the moment. If she didn't know what she was going to say to Gabe; she really wasn't sure what she was going to say or do with Jim. In the clear light of day, the inappropriateness of her behavior the previous night was apparent. She wasn't bothered by the cheek kiss he was a friend, and while it wasn't something she normally would have done it wasn't bad but after they'd left the concert the way she let herself hang all over him.

_What was wrong with her? Horny, angry, insecure???? All three._

Michael shook her head.

"Let's chat for a minute before we head up on deck," Amanda smiled down at her.

"Sure."

The older woman pulled a bottle of white from the fridge and grabbed two glasses. Michael looked at her mother with an arched eyebrow.

"It a holiday." The older woman grinned and poured wine for both of them. "Have a drink with your mother."

"I'm actually still kind of hungover," Michael admitted.

"I see, so the hungover person is gonna stop with the judgy eyebrows then, right?"

"Yes, mom."

"Good," Amanda took a sip of her wine and sat down. "So how are things? Is work still going well? When are we going to get to meet that boyfriend of yours? He seems nice from his Facebook account. I don't follow him. I just checked it out a few times."

Michael must have made a face because her mother frowned. 

"Is everything ok?"

She started to blow it off, say everything was just fine or she was tired or had a headache but looking at Amanda's eyes warm with worry and compassion Michael couldn't bring herself to lie.

"We had an argument this morning."

"Do- do you want to tell me what happened?"

"Yes but please don't tell dad."

"Of course."

She told Amanda about most of what had happened this last week from inviting Gabe to come along with them, and his subsequent change in behavior, their agreement to talk when he got back from Georgia, to James' suggestion that he was trying to get her to break-up with him and Sylvia's speculation that Gabe was in love with her and finally the Insta-story and their subsequent argument. She left out Gabe standing her up on Tuesday, protective instinct guiding her to keep that to herself for now. She didn't want to prejudice her mother against him.

Amanda looked at her when she'd finished, lips pursed, expression thoughtful.

"Can I see the Insta-story?"

Michael pulled the picture up on her phone and handed to her mother. The older woman studied it a moment before laughing softly.

"Up until a week ago, everything was fine?" Michael nodded. "The two of you enjoyed each other's company, the sex was good-"

"-Mom-"

"I'm not being nosey; it makes a difference."

"Yes, everything was fine. Almost perfect. Gabriel was attentive, eager to spend time with me, the sex is very good," Michael smiled in spite of herself, and ducked her head. "Everything was great, and suddenly it wasn't."

"Alright, I think you're both making a big deal out of nothing."

"What?"

"I'm not saying that this is all just fine and dandy, but you're making more of it than necessary."

"But mom-"

"-Hear me out. Of course the change in Gabriel's behavior made you feel a bit insecure, and he should have told you about whatever is going on with him before he left for Georgia but Michael, none of us, is perfect and we go through weird periods that may last a few days or weeks or months or even years depending that's just life. Not saying his behavior is acceptable but getting angry and assuming the worst doesn't help either of you." Amanda sipped her wine. "It's also perfectly obvious that you posted your Insta-story to get his attention. Anyone who knows you knows that."

Michael sucked her gums.

"Why did you argue with him once you had it instead of asking for your explanation?"

"I don't know."

"Is that your real answer?"

Michael considered that a moment and took a sip of her wine before speaking.

"I was afraid. If I didn't like his answer-" Michael looked down into her glass, swirling the dark red liquid.

"I know," Amanda said, voice soft.

"I've never liked anyone as much, I've never been as happy with anyone."

"You're very brave Michael, especially when it comes down to things that you fear, so I can tell this relationship means a lot to you."

She nodded.

"And that's why I don't want you to let him off the hook."

"What?"

"You're both wrong, and you both need to apologize to each other but what I don't want you to do is let him off the hook because you're feeling insecure about everything that has happened this last week. So often I am impressed by your fearlessness Michael, you inspire me to be a more courageous person, but I know what it's like to feel insecure and desperate in a relationship." Amanda leaned forward one hand on top of the other. "He needs to explain himself, and he needs to do it to your satisfaction. Don't let him off the hook, people are imperfect, and that's ok, but he has to handle himself better than this, you deserve better."

"Do you really think I'm insecure?"

"In relationships yes."

* * *

 

Cast-off was promptly at 3 p.m. They sailed east and south for about 6 six leagues just over 20 miles. The lake was calm the breeze filling their unfurled sails and carrying them easily until they dropped anchor not too far from the city. There were a few boats out on the lake today, but nothing to match the crowding on the beaches as Chicago and Chicagoland turned up to celebrate the nation's independence.

The group crowded the aft deck to pass the afternoon. Sarek and Nyota settled on one side to fish, Sylvia and Amanda lounging in pool chairs under the canopy, while Michael, Spock, and Jim chose to swim. 

The three of them raced to a buoy and back or the pier and back. Jim didn't try to get her attention or flirt with her, and Michael started to relax. She still probably need to talk with him at some point, but for a little while, they had fun.

The water was as beautiful and clear as she'd told Sylvia. This far from shore, there were plenty of fish to see below the surface, nothing as eye-catching as the schools of tropical fish but still beautiful shades of yellow or silver with tinges of red, green or even pink. The contest with Jim and Spock was fun, concentrating on beating them took her mind off the situation with Gabe even if her late-night made it harder than it should have been.

When she grew a bit tired, Michael swam back to the boat and climbed up on deck. She considered lying down a moment but decided to join Sylvia and Amanda under the canopy on the aft deck. 

Jim and Spock went out on the jet skis, and Sarek gave up on fishing for the afternoon, deciding it was time to fire up the grill. In addition to the lamb chops, they had chicken wings and legs, ribs, and corn on the cob and whole sweet potatoes smeared with butter and wrapped in foil. Amanda put on some music gearing up a playlist of 80's songs that brought a smile to her lips.

"Michael?" Spock and Nyota walked up standing between her and the westering sun, Nyota in a life preserver. "Spock has convinced me to go out for a swim but on one condition."

"If I have to go with you, you're out of luck I'm tired."

"It's not that. Nyota would like you to serve as a lifeguard in case anything happens." Spock cast a glance toward his significant other that said just how silly he thought this requirement was even as Michael felt her lips quirk upward in a smile.

"I'd be honored." 

"Sylvia, would you like to join us?" 

"No thanks, I'm comfortable right here under this canopy safe from sharks and sunburn."

Michael, Spock, and Nyota all frowned.

"You do know sharks are saltwater fish?"

"Sharks, electric eels, stingrays, rip currents, pufferfish, it's all the same, plus sunburn. I'm not blessed with eumelanin like the rest of you. " The redhead waved them off, and Michael laughed.

"They have sunblock for that but suit yourself, scaredy-cat." 

They walked to the foredeck. Spock dove into the water without hesitation, Nyota, on the other hand, climbed down the ladder gingerly worried eyes on the water behind her, shivering a bit as she slipped into the water. Life preserver in hand Michael sat down on deck, dangling her legs over the side.

Nyota and Spock stayed close to her while the pair were in the water and Michael watched them feeling a bit of envy at the careful way Spock attended to her staying close, encouraging her to swim to him a tender smile on his face. She didn't need Gabe to soothe her fears of open water, but it would be nice to feel his hands on her shoulders, hips, anywhere on her. The flex of his strength as he helped her out of a car or his scent when he was close. 

"Hey." Michael looked up to see Jim sliding into the space beside her. Amanda was helping Sarek with the grill, and she'd gotten so lost in her thoughts she hadn't noticed his approach.

"Hi." 

"I get the feeling you've been avoiding me, Michael."

Michael looked out at the water, at Spock and Nyota in the distance. 

"Your feelings are correct, Jim."

"Any particular reason?"

Michael considered her answer a moment. 

"Guilt."

"About this?" He held up his phone with her Insta-story. "Using me to make your boyfriend jealous?"

She nodded.

"I figured."

"Are you angry?"

"I was when I first saw it, but we're only human, right?" He shrugged, and Michael felt a part of she hadn't known was tensed relax. 

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

They were both silent the waves lapping against the sides of the hull, the cries of distant seagulls the only thing to be heard.

"We fought about that picture this morning. I may have made him a little too jealous."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." 

Michael looked out at the water and saw Nyota floating while Spock treaded water beside her.

"For the record, I do think you've come a long way from my dorky kid brother's goofy friend."

"Thanks."

"If I didn't like Gabe so much…" Michael smiled as she saw Jim's lips quirk upward his dimples puckering.

"Well thank you, Michael. I'll always accept a compliment from a beautiful woman." 

She shook her head at that as the last of the tension between them eased.

"You're welcome, James."

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes and Michael realized she hadn't talked to him about the upcoming expedition since Tuesday.

"ow much longer are you in Chicago?"

"Another week," he said after a beat accepting her change of subject.

She nodded.

"Everything looking good for the expedition?"

"Yep."

"One of these days I'm gonna get that guy to come with maybe Nyota too," he dipped his head toward Spock and Nyota who were now a good distance away though by no means dangerously far.

 "Gotta get you all out of those offices and labs."

Michael shook her head.

"Maybe we like our offices and labs."

"Nah. You picked science because you want to explore and discover. The best discoveries are made right in the field, witnessing it for yourself. I know you haven't put away that curiosity you've always been brimming with."

"I haven't."

"Right, so on our next expedition-"

"-The next one?"

"I'm in demand. We're going to need a microbiologist to examine the flora and fauna of TK, it probably won't be until 2021, you should come along."

Michael laughed and shook her head

"2021, we'll see. I don't remember if I thanked, but," she met his eyes now. "Thanks for last it means a lot that you wanted to cheer me up and give me something fun to do." 

She squeezed his arm, and James smiled down at her.

"You did thank me, but you're welcome, and I had fun with you guys."

The mouthwatering smoke-smell of grilled meats wafted over them, and Michael felt her stomach rumble breakfast had been hours ago. 

"I can't wait until the foods ready. I haven't eaten since breakfast."

"There are probably some hot dogs or drumsticks ready. Go get something to eat, I'll play lifeguard for you." Jim nodded toward the aft deck.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

"Thanks," Michael passed the life preserver to him and headed toward the grill. Jim was right, there were chicken wing already, skins lightly charred and crisped capturing that smoky flavor and the tangy sweetness of barbecue sauce. Michael grabbed a few and settled in the pool beside Sylvia to eat. 

Not long after that, Spock and Nyota came back from their swim happy but looking a little tired. A smiling but breathless Nyota tried and failed to convince Sylvia to go swimming before it got dark. Not even Jim's offer to go out with her was enough to change her mind. Sarek finished grilling not long after that, and they made plates for dinner choosing to eat on deck and watch the sunset rather than use the table in the cabin below.

 Already late in the day, the afternoon bled into evening while they talked and ate. The sun dropped lower into the sky spilling orange and purple light through the city casting her family and friends into twilight shadows before disappearing altogether and leaving them with a sapphire blue nighttime sky and the soft yellow lights of the yacht. 

They had a little time before the fireworks started and Michael considered ducking below deck to call Gabriel. She had hoped that he would call her, but perhaps she would have to make the first, she'd been the one to hang upon him. But then Sylvia got up and went downstairs probably for the bathroom, her mother started taking food down to the refrigerator. There was no privacy for a heart-to-heart, not in the crowded confines of the boat. Talking to Gabe would have to maybe even until tomorrow.

"You've been quiet today, Michael?" Sarek approached her hands behind his back, a small smile on his face.

"I'm tired, I guess."

"Long night."

"Sylvia and I went to a concert with Jim. I'm not used to staying up that late."

"I see," he said tugging on the pulley to roll back the canopy. "I thought you had something on your mind. You have a particular faraway expression when you're thinking over something important."

Michael ducked her head for a moment.

"I guess I do have something on my mind father, but I'd prefer to have a break from my thoughts."

Sarek nodded, "understood. Is work a safe topic?"

"Yes," she smiled and helped him roll back the while they talked about her job.

Almost ready for the fireworks, everyone settled on deck. Michael near her parents, Spock and Nyota, settled side-by-side, legs extended in front of them looking cosey, fingers entwined, shoulders touching. Sarek and Amanda sat together as well his arm around her shoulders, her hand holding his. Sarek turned off Amanda's playlist and switched the music to the radio station playing the classical music the fireworks had been arranged for, eliciting a groan from all the younger people.

"What? It goes with the fireworks."

Michael rolled her eyes, Sylvia snickered, and even Spock shook his head. 

"You're a bit of a square darling," Amanda remarked, giving her husband an affectionate pat.

"It does, though."

It was Michael's turn to snicker, and then the music and the fireworks started; everyone's attention turned toward the night sky. She watched them for a few minutes the familiar light show she'd seen many times before. It was different every time, of course. The fireworks arranged in a different order, a different display but they didn't stir the excitement she'd felt as a child watching them in awe for the first time or even a teen a seeing them and wishing that they were the backdrop of a birthday or dawning romance. 

Her eyes drifted toward her friends and family. Spock and Nyota watching the fireworks but also each other eyes meeting from moment-to-moment as they shared secret smiles and whispered to each other in hushed tones. Sarek watching Amanda while she watched the show, whispering some secrets in her ear that made her smile. Even Sylvia and Jim had ended up sitting together, laughing and talking as they watched the lights in the sky. She was the only one alone. As the fireworks fading from the sky, Michael felt the last of her anger fade, leaving her with only a sense of longing. 

 

* * *

Michael turned off her car, plunging them into total darkness for just a moment before the flashlight on her cell phone flared to life. 

"Sylvia." 

"Hmmm?"

"We're home."

The redhead blinked, fluttered her eyes and yawned

"We are?"

"Yes."

"Did I fall asleep?" She asked, sitting up straight and opening her eyes finally.

"Yeah, come on."

"Sorry."

"It's late, don't worry about it."

Michael got out of the car and grabbed her purse and the food that Amanda had sent them home with from the back seat. 

It was after 10 p.m. when they'd finally docked at Winthrop Harbor. Although Michael had initially planned to sleep at her parents and drive home tomorrow, she'd had a sudden desire to sleep at her own place, in her own bed, to be alone. So she'd hugged her parents and friends goodnight and driven the two of them home. They'd had to go the long way again. Millions of people streaming out of Grant park and into the city clogged the streets for hours after the fireworks finished. Still, they made it home by midnight. 

They took the back steps up to the third floor, past flower boxes and tools half-illuminated in the darkness, the wooden deck stairs creaking underfoot, Sylvia still half asleep and silent. Fireworks continued to whistle and crackle as they would for the next few days, and she could hear distant music from a neighbor's party. 

But here at home, it was quiet and dark the chirp and crickets and creaky wood the loudest sounds. 

They reached the third floor, and the motion sensor light just above the back door came on, giving just enough light to make unlocking the door easy. She paused a moment, and peered into the shadows of the back deck, studying the half-hidden plants and chairs before unlocking the door.

There was a light switch by the back door, and Michael flicked it on as she stepped into the kitchen.

"I have to pee," Sylvia muttered. Michael stepped aside, letting the other woman pass before heading toward the fridge to put away the food her mother had sent her home with. In addition to a few plates of leftovers, Amanda had sent her home with a handful of groceries, mostly fruit, yogurt, nuts...Michael found herself smiling as she put everything away.

When she'd finished putting away the food, Michael poured herself a glass of lemonade and leaned against the counter thinking back to that night she'd invited Gabe had come over for coffee.

_-"No one drinks coffee at midnight."-_

They had ended up talking, but...Michael shook her head, musing at her own naivete. No wonder Gabe had figured out she was a virgin. She sipped her lemonade and sighed, regretting the picture and the argument and everything. 

"Hey, Coco." Michael, as the fluffy white cat meandered into the kitchen and greeted her with a meow.

Michael crouched and held out her hand with a weary smile. He sniffed her in greeting, investigating her fingers with the curiosity common to cats before butting against her hand. Michael indulged the cat in a few pets stroking his little face with one finger before scratching behind his ears. She petted the cat until he was purring and rolling around on the floor in pleasure. Pleased with the fact that she could make someone happy Michael and turned off the light before exiting the kitchen.

In spite of the noise from the street, the apartment was quiet, a strange stillness had settled over it. The darkness typically didn't bother her, she knew her apartment well and walked the darkened hall with no fear the bit of light spilling from under Sylvia's bedroom door providing more than enough illumination to navigate the darkness. Instead of going to her bedroom, Michael went to her bedroom and stood in her living room taking in the dance of shadows on the wall through billowing sheers, the quiet rustle of vertical blinds. It was quieter here, the fireworks must have been being lit on another street. It felt almost like she was the only person in an empty world for a moment. She stood bathed in moonlight until her solitude was interrupted by a loud bass from the street and vaguely familiar lyrics from a rap song that faded as quickly and suddenly as they'd come.

With a sigh, Michael went to her room and got ready for bed. She took a quick shower since it was late, smoothed on her usual skin cream, grabbed shorts and a tank top for pajamas, adjusted the air conditioning and she was crawling into bed. Coco and Snowball joined her as always, Coco curling up on the pillow next to her while Snowball between her legs. 

She stared at the ceiling the whirling fan blades blurring into each. They did need to talk, and as much as she'd hoped Gabe would call her first she was the one who'd hung up on him, so it was only fair. Michael took a deep breath and hit the call button. She'd apologize, Gabriel would apologize, and they would talk, everything would be fine.

But Gabe didn't answer, and after three rings she heard the familiar greeting of his voicemail. Surprised and just a bit hurt she left a brief message, apologizing for calling so late and asking him to call her in the morning. With a defeated sigh, Michael turned off her bedside lamp and set her phone on the nightstand.

She curled on her side, staring into the near-total darkness of her bedroom. Her reading corner cast in shadows, her dresser a dark looming block. A lump formed in throat. Michael picked her phone up again, scrolled through her text messages back to that Thursday night suddenly so far away. 

**_M.B.: 'Did I do something wrong?'_ **

-Michael rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of it now.-

**_G.L.: 'Wrong? When?'_ **

**_M.B.: 'Earlier. Did you not like it?'_ **

**_G.L.: 'Michael sweetheart, you were sexy AF, you are sexy AF. That will never be a problem you were perfect.'_ **

-She could hear his words perfectly, warm and familiar.-

**_M.B.: 'Oh-okay."_ **

**_M.B.: 'You rushed me out earlier. Why?'_ **

**_G.L.: 'Did you want to fuck tonight, sweetheart?'_ **

Her skin warmed with those words, and she felt her whole body respond to the suggestion.

**_M.B.: 'Yes, no, maybe, idk_ **

**_G.L.: 'LOL. I'm sorry I rushed you out tonight, Michael, but I want to treat you with respect, and all I wanted to do earlier was to take you to bed Michael and not to sleep. I would have tried to pressure you into something you're not quite ready for. I want you 100% no confusion, no regrets._ **

**_M.B.: 'You want me?_ **

**_G.L.: 'Michael sweetheart I've wanted you since I laid eyes on you.'_ **

**_M.B.: 'Oh.'_ **

**_G.L.: 'Are you in bed, Michael?'_ **

**_M.B.: 'Yes.' She replied, not at all certain where this was going._ **

**_G.L.: 'Do you wish I was there with you? Holding you in my arms?'_ **

-She could hear him almost as if he were whispering in her ear, his breath warm against her skin, his arms around her.-

**_M.B.: 'You don't have to.'_ **

**_G.L.: 'Yes or no, Michael.'_ **

**_M.B.: 'Y.'_ **

**_G.L.: 'Alright.'_ **

**_M.B.: '????'_ **

**_G.L: 'I'll be there in about 15 minutes._ **

An echo of the happiness she'd felt when Gabe had agreed to come to her just because bubbled up for just a moment as she dwelt in the memory of the night but right behind it came the insecurity. She'd posted that Insta-story and hung up on him, he'd stood her up and ignored her. Underneath her anger when they'd argued this morning was the gnawing uncertainty that maybe Jim was right and Gabe did want to break-up with her or if he hadn't --and baseless though it seemed-- was that her actions posting the Insta-story, arguing with him about it was enough to make him do so.  

Michael fought with herself, tried to focus on her breathing, in, out. One breath, two, three-- He was acting so different, he never ignored her-- She reigned her thoughts in, to focus, to breath, in-out so that she could sleep, but her mind wandered again and again always back to her worries and fears. Her concern that if she hadn't alienated Gabe before she had done so now and she'd ruined the best relationship she'd ever had. 

* * *

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Please take a moment and let me know what you think and if you like this fic and haven't already subscribed, do so. 
> 
> I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready for Gabe to get back to Chicago. I seriously considered shortening this chapter and cutting some stuff, but it wouldn't quite work. Their time apart is as important as their time together.
> 
> A/N- Chicago does the big 4th of July celebration on the 3rd and everyone scatters to their neighborhoods for smaller, local celebrations on the fourth.


	7. Lesson of the Magi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel's memorial trip is disrupted as he fixates on Michael's attempts to make him jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I'm super excited to get this chapter posted because next chapter Gabriel is back in Chicago, and for better or for worse he and Michael are reunited. As always thanks so much for reading, please take a moment to subscribe or bookmark this fic and leave a comment after reading, I always love to know what you guys think.
> 
> Quick warning there is some casual racism expressed this chapter; beliefs expressed by the characters are not necessarily the beliefs of the author. Please feel free to discuss or ask any questions in the comments.

"God damn it" Gabriel bit out that curse and hit the call button determined to give her a piece of his mind. When the call went straight to voicemail, he swore and called again, and immediately got voicemail _again_. 

"Fine, Michael, fucking fine! If you wanna be a fucking child!" He tossed the phone aside, it hit the passenger door and rebounded bouncing onto the seat before falling and skittering across the floor to settle somewhere under the passenger seat. 

Disgusted, he leaned across the cup holder and groped blindly under the seat for his phone brushing stick spots before finding it. He sat up and gave the device a quick once over before carefully slotting it into its space on the dash. 

Still, pissed, he leaned back into his seat and stared out at the blue Georgia sky clear and sunny, a perfect summer day. He wanted to call Michael again, call her out on the little game she was playing. Let her know what he thought of her " _old friend"._

_"-not everything is about you Gabe.-"_

That little Instagram story was. He wasn't stupid. He ground his teeth and dug his fingers into his thigh.

"Damn it!"

He needed to get going if he was gonna make it to his mom's by lunch. He glanced down at his phone and started the car. It was probably better if they didn't talk right now.

* * *

 

Gabe pulled onto his mother's street not quite feeling that familiar sense of relief he typically felt during this part of his trip. He was always happy to see his mother, of course, and during his memorial trip seeing her brought a mix of happiness and relief. But two hours later he was still frustrated, thinking about the argument with Michael, which only frustrated him further, this trip was about mourning his son, not arguing with his girlfriend. 

He slowed the car to a stop to let some children pass and continued driving, pulling into the driveway of his mother's two-story victorian. The house, painted a soft rose, bad been built in the late 1800s. She kept it up beautifully. The wood siding was touched up every few years the rose trimmed with white and touches of a deeper violet-red. The lawn was neatly trimmed and a lush green, with a few great sprawling trees and flowers and shrubs hugging the side of the house.

He got out of the car and grabbed his luggage from the trunk. His sister's car was nowhere in sight, Gabe figured she'd probably driven into town. He had keys to his mother's in case of an emergency but rang the doorbell regardless. After a brief wait, the door opened, and he couldn't help but smile. 

At 72 years-old Danielle Lorca was still vigorous, sharp and strong. She wore her hair in a meticulously neat silver-white chin-length bob, the blue eyes she'd passed down to her son still lively. She opened the door and greeted him a hug as he kissed her cheek before stepping inside.

Unlike so many others her age, she stood straight and strong. The ravages of age only showing in the most superficial manner. It inspired him, and she was the reason he exercised five days a week, cut back red-meat and dairy and tried to stay fit and flexible. The sleeveless white blouse she wore showed off muscular arms, and the trendy, wide-legged, white, flower print pants she wore had a youthful look to them, his older brother would complain about it if he were here.

It was youthful, but she looked beautiful, well put together. Her gleaming silver-white hair matching her outfit and a few well-chosen accessories pulled the look together.

"You look fantastic mama."

"Aaron still complaining about me when I'm not around?"

"You know Aaron." He said dismissively.

Danielle shut and locked the door closing out the Georgia heat.

"Stephanie took her kids and your Uncle David into town for some last-minute shopping. So it's just the two of us for a bit. Your usual room is open."

"Thanks, mama, I'll put my things away and uh-"

"-Join me on the front porch."

"Okay."

His mother had moved into this house after the divorce. It wasn't quite as grand as the Lorca family home, but he'd liked growing up here. They'd had fun as kids, and when they'd moved away to college, his mother had opened the house up to host a variety of friends for stylish parties, oddballs that didn't fit into southern life but preferred it to northern cities. Part of what kept her young, she claimed. 

There were a few children's toys --his niece and nephew's-- scattered here and there, a child's tablet, some discarded Barbies, and a lightsaber. Gabe shook his head a small smile playing about the corner of his lips as he climbed the stairs and walked down the hall to the room that had been his as a teenager.

The full-sized bed, dark drapes and dresser were still in place, but over the years the room had been denuded of nearly all his teen possessions, some he'd taken with him, others had been given away or put into storage. Only his signed Purple Rain poster --his mother had had it framed, and a few of his early landscapes were present, along with a couple models he'd built during high school and some very old, outdated engineering books. 

He picked up a picture from the nightstand. It was one of him and Anthony on the front porch before his mother had had it enclosed. Anthony was wearing a suit and bowtie, they'd dressed up and taken his mother out for Sunday brunch.

 _"My handsome men."_ It had been a good day. He set the photo back in its place with a smile, his mother understood.

He unpacked his few clothes, enough to fill one drawer with jean shorts, short-sleeved pullovers, socks, underwear, and a few toiletries. He hung a light blue summer sport coat and a pair of slacks in the closet, smirking as he pushed aside a few unfamiliar men's shirts. 

Settled he stood a moment surveying his models, and the Prince poster seeing the room in another time decorated with Guns & Roses, Pat Benetar and Madonna. He'd had a Bill Cosby poster just so he could look at Lisa Bonet, she'd adorned his walls along with Susanna Hoff, lead singer of the Bangles and Robin Wright and his favorite sports teams. Dumbbells so he could lift, every teenaged boy wanted to get strong. Camera equipment, model glue, and the guitar he'd given up on after four lessons. 

Gabe smiled wryly recalling for a moment the things he'd planned to teach Anthony. They'd gotten as far as Catch, but the boy had enjoyed drawing, and he'd hoped to teach him photography one day too. He settled on the bed, Anthony would be 20 right now. He thought about that 20-year-old Anthony visiting here, maybe going to the same college he'd gone to. Just because they'd thought he'd pursue botany didn't mean he would have or maybe he would have gone to art school. _He could have supported an artist-son_. 

He sighed, he was always gonna miss his boy, always wonder who he could have been. 

He stared out the window not seeing the rolling hills or the dogwood trees, indulging briefly in a fantasy but thoughts that had wandered into the past slipped back into the present, and suddenly he found himself rearguing the argument with Michael and reassuring himself that she'd posted the Insta-story to get his attention. Gabe ground his teeth in annoyance.

"Gabe, son!?" His mother called. "You get lost up there?"

"No, mama. I'm comin' down."

He grabbed a photo album from his luggage and headed downstairs. He found his mother on the front porch where she'd said she'd be. She'd had it enclosed a few years back, making the space habitable all year round. She was lounging on a flower print rattan sofa, a pitcher of lemonade and glasses on the coffee table along with her tablet and some fresh-cut fruit.

The windows were open to admit the afternoon breeze, and Gabriel poured himself a glass of lemonade before joining her on the couch.

He took a sip of the lemonade and smiled.

"Delicious as always."

"I know it's one of your favorites."

"Yeah, thanks, mama."

For a moment he sat and looked out at the lawn, the trees, the flowers: lilies, dahlias, gardenias their blossoms nodding in the afternoon breeze, the blue Georgia sky a horizon bordered by mountains rather than endless blue and breathed in the fresh, clean air.

"What's on your mind, son?"

Typically when he saw his mother during his memorial trip, they talked about Anthony. He told her stories, they looked at the pictures, and she told stories about their outings too. It wasn't the entire visit but just an hour or two, and she'd heard all of them by now, but she was always happy to indulge him. But suddenly, Anthony was not on the tip of his tongue; instead, his indignation with Michael sprang to mind at his mother's prompting. 

He sat with pursed lips irritated at her, irritated with himself. He knew exactly what game it was Michael was playing, but he couldn't let it go just yet. 

"Alright, mama, listen. I had an argument with my girlfriend this morning, and it's really buggin' me."

She ducked her head and took a sip of lemonade before responding.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

She coughed and met his eyes, expression wholly supportive.

"If you wanna talk about that first, I'm all ears."

He told her about the Instagram post and the argument, mentioning briefly that he'd been a bit distracted recently.

"Look, I know why she was upset, but that was just uncalled for."

Danielle snorted.

"You haven't really told me everything, have you?

"Mama-"

"Come off it Gabe, one straight shooter to another. You get really cagey this time of year. Normally you love to talk, can barely get you to shut-up sometimes, ever since you were a kid. And I know how you are with your girlfriends charming, attentive, talkative. It's the same way I am when I'm attracted to someone, but I don't do that morose, cagey thing you like to do. You get that from your dad and that shit's confusing son."

He chewed his bottom lip. The last thing he'd been expecting was a read.

"Maybe so mama but look at this." Gabe held out his phone to her so she could see the infamous picture.

She took it and studied the photo for a moment.

"Oh, he's handsome. I could see why you'd feel jealous."

"Mama!"

"Aren't you?"

"No, not really, maybe a little. But she shouldn't play games like that it's childish."

"She is kinda young."

"Thirty is not that young."

"From where I'm sittin' it is. Did you tell her about your son?"

His lips twisted to the side for a moment.

"No."

"I looked at that girl's Facebook, and there wasn't much there, which, good for her. So I went to her YouTube, watched some of those videos and she's such a smart, lovely, practical girl.  She don't seem the type of girl to get upset over a few missed phone calls. What'dyoudo Gabriel Lorca?"

He sucked his gums.

"I missed a date without canceling earlier this week." He mumbled it while fidgeting in his chair. "And she invited me to join her family for the 4th of July, but I had to refuse since I was coming here."

"And you've been distant and morose."

"A little."

"And missed date translates into stood up?"

"You could say that."

"And you didn't explain yourself?"

"I asked her to wait until I got back."

She shook her head and chuckled.

"Bless your heart."

"What's funny?"

"You. Look, son, you're good and grown, even though I'll never forget what an adorable little demon of boy you were." She gave his arm an affectionate squeeze. "I can't tell you how to live your life but don't you think you'd be feeling just a little confused and perhaps wanting to do something a little childish and foolish if you were her?"

Gabe stared out the window before speaking, watching the grass undulate in the breeze.

"Maybe so." He mumbled after a long while, not yet ready to let go of his anger.

* * *

 

Gabe set aside the mushrooms he'd been slicing and picked up a chilled onion to peel and slice. She had the radio going a local station playing classic country like Dolly Parton, Willie Nelson, and Johnny Cash, Michael liked to tease him about his love of 80's pop she'd go to town with this or maybe not, she'd probably be nice to his mother. 

He sliced the onion while his mom turned out biscuit dough on her marble countertop, flattening it with her hands before folding it to create the layers that would produce fluffy, flaky biscuits. 

They had eventually talked about Anthony. It always felt good to share him with someone who'd loved him nearly as much as he did, even if it was some of the same old stories and memories they'd shared before. Eventually the conversation had moved  along to his nieces and nephews and they'd moved to the kitchen to start dinner. 

He'd grown up helping his mom cook after school a couple nights a week, despite what his father thought about it, so he didn't mind helping her now.

"Since I've retired I've upped my cooking game."

"Upped your cooking game?"

"I, er bought a blow torch."

Her eyes widened.

"Julia Child over here, huh?"

"When you come to Chicago I'll make you some creme brulee."

"I'm looking forward to it."

They front door creaked open then followed by the thud-thud-thud of running feet.

"Slow down, take your shoes off." Then louder. "Hey, y'all! Is that Gabriel's rental?"

"Yep, we're in the kitchen!"

There were running feet again, and Hannah and Jacob came charging into the kitchen with mini-flags and noisemakers, his sister Stephanie and Uncle David not too far behind them.

"Look at y'all, it's like being twelve again," Stephanie declared from the kitchen doorway. "You kids remember your Uncle Gabriel."

"I don't," Hannah declared.

"That's 'cause you're a dummy."

"I am not." Hannah whacked Jacob in the arm, Jacob whacked her back.

"Hey! You two stop that and come give grandma a hug." The children stopped and went obediently to their grandmother. She hugged and kissed them both, and Jacob stuck out his tongue at his sister, and Hannah reached across her grandmother to  whack her brother again. 

"Enough of that both of you," Danielle declared. "I'm not gonna slave over a hot stove making banana pudding in the middle of July for two kids who can't behave."

"Banana pudding!"

"Sorry grandma," they muttered.

Gabe watched them with an amused smile feeling just a bit of envy. 

"Say hi to your Uncle Gabriel and go play." 

"Hi, Uncle Gabe." They said in subdued unison.

"Hey, kids." 

"Sorry I don't remember you."

"It's okay. You were very little the last time I saw you."  He gave the girl an encouraging smile and decided right then and there to improve his relationship with both kids.

"Get some popsicles from the freezer and run along and play, alright." His mother directed. 

The pair  cheered and did as told. Gabe made his way around the table to greet first his sister and then his Uncle David with a hug.

"Welcome home Gabriel." Stephanie said as he gave her a hug thinking back to the last he'd spent anytime with his little sister.

Stephanie had moved away from Georgia as well. Going to college in New York City and building her career before moving back to Georgia at the age of 35 to start her own family and what was now a very successful business. At forty-five, she had a healthy ten-year-old, her son Jacob and a seven-year-old, her daughter Hannah. 

"Your kids are adorable."

"Thanks." She smiled but he could see a bit of concern in her expression and he wondered at that.

"Hey there Uncle David." He gave the older man a brief hug. While his mother managed to remain fit and strong her brother was falling to the ravages of age, still recovering from a knee replacement surgery and struggling with arthritis. It hurt a bit to see him or think of the healthy younger  man that had once swung him in the air as a little boy and tried to advise him as a young man.

"What are you guys cooking?" Stephanie asked.

"Smothered pork chops, biscuits, rice, grilled green beans, and spinach salad." 

"I'm gonna go lie down for a bit, sissy. We'll talk later Gabriel."

Gabriel nodded as his uncle left the kitchen.

"You guys want any help?"

"If you want to Stephanie," Danielle said and 

"I'll pick the green beans."

It took a little over an hour for the three of them to get a full meal prepared. Hannah and Jacob kept themselves entertained while Gabe caught up with his sister and her family. Their eldest brother Aaron's children were all adults, his oldest starting her own family. It was nice to hear about Stephanie's little ones.

Eventually, they called them in, and they sat down to eat as a family. Hannah and Jacob were still at ages where they cared about adult approval and attention and looked for it actively telling any story they thought would impress their uncle. After dinner, Gabe asked for their help washing up with the promise of a trip to the park and ice cream. This, of course, earned a pair of ready volunteers and an indulgent smile from his sister.

He drove them to the little ice cream parlor that had been there for years and got them cones. Jacob picked his ice cream right away, chocolate chip. Hannah was a bit overwhelmed by the selection, so he helped her narrow it down to bubble gum flavored ice cream. Gabriel chose a scoop of rainbow sherbert and grabbed extra napkins on the way out, remembering how messy kids could be, especially with ice cream.

They walked the three blocks to the park, ice cream melting in the Georgia heat. Hannah and Jacob chattering about school, summer break, and their favorite cartoons. Hannah had a sticky mess all over her hands by the time they reached the park. Gabriel helped her clean up her hands in the fountain and dried them off with the extra napkins, before sending the pair to the playground.

Gabe sat on a bench while Hannah and Jacob ran wild on the playground with the other children, lining up for the slide, swinging on the monkey bars and climbing the jungle gym. Once or twice bigger kids tried to push in front of Hannah and Jacob stepped in taking up for his little sister. Gabriel smiled watching them. 

Anthony had wanted a younger sibling and he would have been a good older brother Gabe was sure of it, but he and Ava had started to have problems again by the time Anthony was three and they'd never gotten around to making another kid. He had mixed feelings about that with Anthony and Ava's death but he didn't regret it. Bringing a second child into their crumbling marriage would have been a mistake. 

After about half-an-hour, the sun dropping closer to the horizon so bands of red and orange spilled across the sky and flooded across white clouds, a breathless Hannah ran up to him.

"Uncle Gabe will you push me on the swings?" 

"Sure little one." He got up from the bench and walked with Hannah to the swings, pushing her while she insisted on going higher and higher. It wasn't too long before Jacob joined them and he alternated between pushing both children listening to their laughter and squeals of delight squeals of delight as the sun set leaving the sky at first a soft milky blue while a slim crescent rose high in the sky and the evening breeze blew away the clouds to reveal a midnight blue  littered with stars you could never see in Chicago.

"It's late." Hannah as her swing came to a stop.  "Is ok to be out this late?" 

Her dark eyes were wide, and he gave her a small smile.

"You're with a grown-up, and you have permission from your mother, so it's ok."

"She's afraid, darkkkk!" Jacob announced.

"I am not!"

"You are."

"It's alright, Hannah." He crouched so they were eye level. "The dark _is_ kinda scary. It's hard to see and your sleepy when it's dark."

"Yeah." The girl declared with a smile before looking at her brother over her shoulder and sticking out her tongue. 

"It is time to go home, though."

Gabriel stood, and Hannah put her hand in his and started back toward the car. Jacob came a long running ahead of them and pretending to be an airplane. 

The drive home was short and the brief rest in the car was enough to re-energize both children so that  they asked to watch a movie before going to bed. 

"Go get ready for bed while I check with your mother."

"Okay."

The pair ran off, and Gabe followed voices to the kitchen, to find his mother and Stephanie. 

"-you know what I thought when I first saw her on Facebook? Another Black one."

"Mama!" Stephanie scolded.

"-Well the last one didn't turn out so well, and besides I'm old I have racist thoughts sometimes. That doesn't mean I don't know that they're racist."

"But mama really?"

"It's not that bad just a thought that I had and it's beside the point."

"Good Lord."

"Can I finish my point?"

"Go ahead mama."

Gabriel wasn't entirely sure he wanted to hear the rest of her point. Old southerns harbored some fairly racist views, a lot of people did as far as that went, but he didn't like the way his mother thinking.

"Anyway, I looked at her Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube, all that social media stuff and she's such a smart, pretty girl. I was already starting to like her, and then this happened."

Someone turned the water on, and he couldn't hear anything for a bit.     

 "-but I like the way this girl has got him all turned around it's perfect."

"What do you mean mama? That doesn't make any sense."

There was a pause in the conversation, and when his mother spoke again, her tone was sad.

"Anthony died ten years ago, lord rest him, and I thank God every day that I still have the three of you, so I can't really know how Gabriel feels but this is the first time in years that I've seen him fully in the present." 

"Really?" There was disbelief in Stephanie's tone.

"Maybe some of that stuff he did in the navy ground him I don't know, but I think just maybe he can be happy with this woman."

"But isn't this trip supposed to be about his memorial for Anthony? Isn't she kind of interfering? How can that make him happy?"

"There is nothing wrong with Gabriel having his memorial trip but the best way to memorialize someone or something is to bring them forward into the present not sit with them in the past. Maybe, maybe she can help him do that."

He heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs and back peddled down the hall, not wanting one of the kids to come down and give away the fact that he'd been eavesdropping.

"Uncle Gabe," Hannah came down the stairs dressed in Wonder Woman pajamas. "Are we gonna watch the movie?"

"Did you brush your teeth, munchkin?"

"Yeah."

Gabriel eyed her with mock suspicion, he hadn't forgotten the shenanigans of seven-year-olds.

"Already?"

She nodded solemnly.

"If I check am I gonna see candy sprinkles and pink and blue in your teeth?"

The little girl considered a moment. 

"Maybe I should go brush again to be on the safe side."

"Probably."

Hannah ran back up stairs, and Gabriel headed back down the hall to the kitchen. He found his mom was standing over the stove, stirring a what he assumed was the pudding and Stephanie sat sipping a glass of red wine.

"You guys are back? Were they ok?"

He eyed his mom --who didn't seem to notice he was there-- a moment thinking about what he'd overheard.

"Gabe, how were they? Did they behave?"

"Yeah, pretty much. They wanna watch a movie, Peter Pan."

Stephanie eyed him with a shit-eating grin and chuckled.

"Better you than me, go for it."

"What's wrong with Peter Pan?"

"It's not the one with Mia Farrow," his mother volunteered. 

"You'll see for yourself, but they'll love you watchin' it with them."

He barely remembered the one with Mia Farrow, he mainly knew the actress from the scandal with Woody Allen -- the director who'd molested one of her adopted  daughters and married another-- and Rosemary's Baby.

The Peter Pan Hannah and Jacob wanted to watch turned out to be an overly dramatic one from the early 2000s with the only decent actor being the one playing both Captain Hook and Mr. Darling and a story that made him want to poke his eyes out.  _Was Peter Pan always this much of a jerk?_ He couldn't remember.

He ignored a lot of the movie thoughts repeatedly going back to the conversation between his mother and Stephanie. Part of him wanted to be happy that his mother liked Michael but he didn't like the fact that his mother saw through him so clearly. What she'd said about him not really living was how he'd come to feel about his time in the Navy. In fact he'd blamed it on the Navy he didn't like what his mother was suggesting.

Hannah stretched and leaned against him just then a  moment which brought a smile to his face. He glanced down at Jacob to see the boy watching the screen with the attention and intensity, only a ten-year-old could muster. Anthony had been like that with Night at the Museum.  

Peter Pan, thankfully, ended with a hidden kiss and before Jacob could rewind the end and make him watch it again, Gabriel picked up the remote. 

"You guys ready to go to bed?"

"It's summer we can stay up late."

"Yeah, watch another movie with us, Uncle Gabriel."

"Your mother hasn't said anything about the two of you going to be so fine but only if I can pick the movie."

Both children eyed him suspiciously.

"Is it gonna be an old movie?" Jacob asked. Gabe side-eyed his nephew, making up his mind right then and there to pick an older movie on purpose.

"You guys ever see E.T.?" He asked, hoping the movie wasn't too dated. Anthony had liked it, but that had been over ten years ago.

"No." They said, shaking their heads.

He found it on On-Demand, and although they made faces, in the beginning, both children were soon engrossed, and Gabe found himself smiling at the feelings of nostalgia the movie stirred in him. He'd been forced to take Stephanie to see this when he was a teenager and ended up liking it in spite of himself. 

They were about half-way through the film when his phone lit up in the darkness, buzzing loudly against the wooden coffee table, Michael's picture filling the small screen. Jacob paused the movie so he could answer, and Gabriel shook his head, unwilling to interrupt his evening, especially if it meant an argument. They would talk tomorrow. 

* * *

 

He woke and out of habit reached across the bed, suffering a moment of confusion when his hands came up empty. Gabriel cracked one eye open, and that drowsy, hazy state between sleeping and waking began to lift. He could hear Hannah and Jacob giggling and jumping on the bed in the room next to him, Patsy's for breakfast seemed like a good idea, his mother needed him to set-up the grill, and he missed Michael. 

It _was_ Sunday, Michael had slept at his apartment just about every Saturday night since they'd first slept together. Most Sunday mornings, he woke with her curled next to him, dozing against his shoulder. Her dark hair, he liked her hair the soft springiness of it, spilling across the satin pillowcases he'd bought her. Some mornings they cuddled and while she dozed and he stroked her face savoring the softness of her skin under his fingertips or the way she sighed and hummed in her sleep while leaning into his touch. 

When she woke they might make love, and he always strove to satisfy her, to hear her gasp or her breath quicken, feel her clenching around him as she came while that breathless but satisfied smile that always looked vaguely surprised blossomed on her face. _Michael, his Michael._

 This particular Sunday he was at his mother's house, and Michael was over hundreds of miles away. At least he wasn't having anymore nightmares. 

He looked over at the nightstand, the picture of himself, Anthony and his mother in their Sunday best and thought guiltily of the picture he'd hidden from Michael. He supposed his mom may have had a point about a memorial needing to bring someone into the present. 

"Uncle Gabe!" The sound of running feet in the hall was his only warning as the door to his bedroom burst open the next moment. Hannah didn't even pause running across the room to climb up on his bed.

"Uncle Gabe, mom said you knew how to make chocolate chip pancakes. Will you make us pancakes, please?"

She sat down next to him and leaned her head on his shoulder, looking up at him with wide eyes.

"Gabe I'm sorry," he looked up to see his sister in the doorway an apologetic expression on her face. "I've just told them how you used to make pancakes and all that stuff for breakfast during the summer."

Gabe nodded. They'd had enough money to pay for a service, but for the day-to-day stuff Danielle Lorca liked to do it herself, and Gabe had grown up watching and eventually helping her. And then of course when they were teens cooking for himself and his siblings a few times a week during summers. 

"It's alright." He said looked down at his niece. "So you want some chocolate chip pancakes, huh'?"

"With whip cream and bananas?"

"If your mom's ok with it."

"Whip cream and bananas mom?"

"Sure." Stephanie shook her head.

"Alright munchkin I'm gonna make you some pancakes for breakfast but can I brush my teeth first?"

She considered it very seriously before finally nodding.

"Okay."

"Come on, Hannah. Let Uncle Gabriel get dressed." She climbed off the bed and ran over to her mother.

"Thanks, Uncle Gabriel."

The pair shut the door and unable to stop himself from smiling Gabe got out of bed. At least some parts of his weekend were going exactly as he wanted.

* * *

 

"The Twilight Zone?" Gabe eyed his uncle suspiciously.

"Yeah. They have a marathon on for the 4th."

"The old Twilight Zone with Rod Serling?"

"Yeah."

"You know you could watch every episode on Netflix."

The old man snorted.

"I haven't though so let's just watch." 

The old man cracked open his beer and Gabe read the description of the episode about to start: _'Tiny aliens terrorize a mute woman in her home.'_  the description of the episode after that read: _'a giant terrorizes tiny aliens.'_ Someone had fun selecting the programming line up. With a sigh, Gabe selected The Twilight Zone and settled in to watch. He did like the old black and white Twilight Zone, but over the years he'd seen every episode including all the ones with aliens great and small.

 Danielle and Stephanie had taken Jacob and Hannah into town for the 4th of July celebration. There was a parade, food, entertainment, and then there'd be fireworks later tonight. As much as he'd enjoyed his niece and nephew, he wasn't exactly up for that, and neither was Uncle Dave, someone needed to keep the old man company.

"This show was a phenomenon when it came out it scared your mother though." David chuckled and Gabe nodded, he supposed he could see that.

"Of course, people didn't like some of the ideas like the all colored episode."

Gabe rolled his eyes at the dated language and wondered idly if Michael would like the Twilight Zone or if she'd think it was too corny, too dramatic, too old. She thought Original Star Trek was over the top, so she'd probably feel the same way about the Twilight Zone.

_He owed her a phone call._

Gabe pulled his phone from his pocket and his eyes went to the bottom of the screen drawn by a little red bubble, a flag reminding him of the call he'd ignored last night but also serving as a reminder that Michael would not be ignored.

That's what that Instagram post had been for all her protests and denials. He grew annoyed at the image of Michael hugged him with her _old friend_ and considered ignoring her voicemail for just a bit longer. But that's what had gotten this whole thing going, right? Besides, it would be nice to hear her voice even if it turned out to be angry. 

Maybe it was because he and Ava had had some ugly brutal fights near the end of their marriage, but he expected to hear some angry demand that he call her or a rant about being sent to voicemail. Or maybe, and this was more Michael's style, a message heavy with frosty intonation and subtle yet clever barbs that cut deep. 

So he sat braced, tensed for an angry tirade or a coolly dismissive lecture and was in no way prepared for what he got.

 _"Hey, Gabe,"_ the words were soft, slowed with a forced casualness. She hadn't been prepared for voicemail. 

_"You're probably asleep. It's late here, and it's even later there, after midnight."_

She paused and sighed, and he heard the sound of her moving around, the rustle of bedsheets perhaps.

_"I'm at home, in bed. It was a long day. I was hoping to talk to you, but I guess not tonight. Sorry for calling so late."_

A defeated sadness that deflated the last of his anger crept into her last words, and suddenly he had to talk to her.

Hating the sound of sadness in her voice, Gabe didn't give it any thought he just pushed the button to call her and hoped she picked up. He had an antsy moment of fidgeting, and she answered on the third ring. 

"Hello, Gabe."

"Hey there gorgeous," he said, hoping that would make her smile at least a little bit.

His uncle's attention shifted from the tv, an intrigued expression on the older man's face and Gabe got up, making his way toward the front porch.

"You busy?"

"Outlining a new YouTube video but now is a good time for a break."

"Ok."

"How's your trip been," Michael asked.

"It's been good. I've seen some old friends. I'm at my mother's right now."

"Right how's your uncle, the one who had the knee replacement?"

"He's good my mom and sister took Jacob and Hannah into town for the parade. So I'm keeping him company, we're watching a Twilight Zone marathon."

"The Twilight Zone," Michael chuckled. "Your uncle must be ancient. Is he like in black and white or is he in color?"

He could hear the humor in her voice, and Gabriel smiled even as he rolled his eyes.

"What about you? Did you guys go out on the boat? Look at the fireworks?"

"We did." She told him a bit about the outing, it wasn't especially exciting, but he could tell by the tone of her voice that she'd really enjoyed herself.

The conversation was light and easy, and he listened closely, catching up on everything that he'd missed this last week. Eventually, though they both fell silent running out of light, easy things to discuss, and an awkward silence stretched between them.

"Michael listen-"

"Gabe I-"

Like some silly ass tv show, they'd both spoken in the same moment and then chuckled over it. 

"What's on your mind?"

"Jim is a family friend, but I did take and post those pictures to make you jealous and get your attention."

"Okay." His irritation flared. 

"I'm sorry about that, it wasn't the right way to handle the situation."

"Well in fairness to you I have been a bit of an inattentive dick lately."

"You have, and it's not ok-"

"-Gabriel!" He heard his uncle shout from the living room.  

"Yeah!"

"What is it?" Michael asked.

"Not sure."

He hurried back into the living room.

"I need your help with the bathroom."

Gabe chewed his bottom lip, desperately wanting to ask his uncle to wait but he couldn't. He knew how humiliating it was for the older man to need help getting off and on the toilet. Once his knee was fully recovered, he wouldn't need the walker or the help with the bathroom but in the meanwhile. 

"Hey, Michael I have to-"

"I heard." He could hear the disappointment in her voice.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I'll give you a call-"

"-You have to take care of your family. I understand."

"Right but I'll call you later. We need to finish this discussion."

"We do, but I need to finish my work too. I've actually gotten behind this week. You're coming back tomorrow. So just enjoy the rest of your time with your family, and we'll talk then. If you can call me tonight fine, if not I'll see you on Monday."

He started to promise a callback but thought the better of it. This really was something they needed to talk about in person. It was simple enough to make a phone call but who knew what would be going on later tonight.

"Alright we'll talk tonight or tomorrow at the latest, and I miss you, sweetheart."

"I miss you too, Gabe."

They ended the call. 

"Sorry to interrupt-"

"-Don't even mention it. Come on."

Gabe rolled his uncle's walker over, and the older man used it to pulled himself to his feet. 

* * *

 

His uncle didn't need much help with the bathroom. The knee replacement surgery had already improved his ability to walk, but the still healing joint still needed support sitting on the toilet and getting up again. It was the kind of thing that worried Gabe because it was one of the things that couldn't really be moderated by exercise and diet, joints just wore down sometimes. 

It was all of ten minutes to help the older man with the bathroom most of it in another room giving him privacy while he did his business. After that, he took a few minutes to check the older man's dressing before making them an early lunch. A little over an hour later he was calling Michael back, but this time she did not answer the phone, and it was his turn to leave a disappointed message while trying not to sound too disappointed. 

Message left he joined his uncle in the living room and found the older man still watching the Twilight Zone, this time an episode about an astronaut returning to earth to find it void of human life or any life at all. The buildings were still intact but otherwise lifeless. Gabe couldn't concentrate on it, he kept thinking about Michael, the voicemail she'd left, the resignation in her tone when his uncle had interrupted their call. 

His anger with her had all but vanished. She was hurt, she hadn't said, but it was clear as day, and he wondered how he'd been so blindly stupid. He'd known, of course, that standing her up would mean hurt feelings but he'd sent her her favorite flowers, promised to talk when he got back, and she'd seemed fine. 

He thought about the Chicago gift bag she'd gotten him, the playlist she'd made for the flight, and suddenly Gabriel was ashamed of himself and embarrassed at his behavior. At fifty-years-old, he really needed a reminder that mourning his son wasn't a license to forget the feelings of the people around him. 

"I'm gonna take a short walk. You'll be alright for a bit?"

"Yeah. I've got my phone, I'll call if I need anything."

Gabe nodded, grabbed his sunglasses, and headed out. He didn't go far initially just stood a few minutes under the shade of the great oak tree in his mother's yard, before starting to walk along the streets thinking over the situation and his part in it. Thinking about how sweet and receptive Michael could be, how she charmed him without trying and felt the bitter surge of guilt. 

Just over a week ago he'd been thinking he was falling in love with her and this week he'd- What did his mama call it? 

Gotten all morose and cagey, and Michael, his lil' darlin', had tried her damnedest to be patient and supportive. 

"Alright Gabe," he spoke to himself, rubbing his chin. "Besides telling her what's actually goin' on how're you gonna make it up to her?"

* * *

 Thanks so much for reading you guys. I wanna give a quick shout-out and recommendation to to pixie-diddle-duster aka Ladylazarus13 and her Lorcham fic [Three Nights in Paradise](https://pixie-diddle-duster.tumblr.com/post/187431081699/three-nights-in-paradise-chapter-6).  She asked for prompts, I gave one and that is what she wrote. Go give it read and show her some love if you haven't already. And if you have not already done so please remember to subscribe so you don't miss an update, always thanks so much for reading. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> The title of this chapter is inspired by a short story I read in middle school called Gift of the Magi. It's about this young married couple during the Great Depression. Like everyone else they are poor with only two valuable possessions; her beautiful knee length blonde hair and his golden pocket watch from his father. She cuts and sells her hair to buy him a chain for his pocket watch for Christmas and he sells his pocket watch to buy her tortoise shell combs. I love big, loud drama as much as the next person but that always struck me as a beautiful if simple love story. Mundane things like that resonate for me in a way big drama can't. 
> 
> So that's why at last Gabe is moved by the simple fact that Michael is just plain sad in her voicemail message; he hates that he's the cause of her sadness. 
> 
> I recently learned of an episode of the classic Twilight Zone with an entirely African-American cast. I'll be watching it soon. I'm really curious.
> 
> There have been many, many iterations of Peter Pan and in many of the live-action films, Peter Pan was played by a young actress rather than a boy. 
> 
> You can look up everything about Woody Allen, Mia Farrow, and their children, it's pretty awful.


	8. Whip Appeal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabe is finally back in Chicago. When Michael comes to his apartment for dinner and an explanation of his recent behavior things take an unexpected turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So once again a brand new chapter and it's the one we've all been waiting for. Michael and Gabe are reunited. Give it a read, let me know what you think. I wrote this chapter months ago before I even started writing part 2 officially. You guys have no idea how long I've been waiting to share it. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think and don't forget to bookmark or subscribe so you never miss an update.

Gabriel studied his plating with mixed feelings. It was beautiful, the seared salmon fillets fluffy and cooked to perfect orange-pink with a slight golden crust along the edges. They rested atop a bed of linguine, al dente in a creamy parmesan-mushroom sauce. The plate sprinkled with bright green herbs and decorated with carefully placed leaves of basil in bright green.

It was beautiful, some of his best plating, ever. Gabe took a page out of Michael's book and snapped a few pictures before sighing, it was perfect or as close to perfect as he was going to get with two hours prep time and it wasn't just the food or the plating. The pinot Grigio was chilled to the ideal temperature, there were four delicate fruit tarts from the bakery downstairs waiting in the refrigerator, music --her favorite but not too romantic he knew they needed to talk-- played. 

He drew in a deep breath savoring the pungent smell of basil and other seasonings before striding into the living room where a stick of incense burned wafting sandalwood and bergamot through the front half of his apartment, his place even smelled good.

Gabriel sat down on the couch, trying not to be annoyed. It was 5:25 p.m., she was supposed to be here at 5:30 p.m., and he had just received a text from her that she was going to be about an hour late. She'd texted him at least.

He stared up at the ceiling and sighed before pausing the music off. Gabriel got up and went to the kitchen. With careful fingers, he undid their plates, got the salmon back into the pan, plucked the leaves of basil from the plate rinsing them and putting them into a dish of cold water. The pasta went back into the pot. He looked at her text again.

**M.B.: 'Left work late, sorry. I should be there around 6:30 p.m.'**

Gabe shook his head and bounced on his toes. His flight had landed nearly an hour late, and he'd been going full throttle ever since determined to make the evening perfect, he'd even grabbed one of those energy drinks at the airport to buoy him through any jet lag. Now here he was all dressed up, all wound up with an hour to kill suddenly.

He considered his options. He could pick up Buran today. Hugh had agreed to keep the Malamute an extra night saving him some time and letting him focus on straightening things out with Michael. It would take about 15 minutes, but then Buran would want his attention after having not seen him for a week. She was a well-behaved dog but not that well behaved. Better to leave the Malamute where she was for another day. 

After considering his options a few minutes, Gabriel checked his studio. He'd hoped to find a couple rolls of film in need of development, but they'd all been done. Disappointed Gabe looked at his paints, the easel, the empty cold press block. The watercolor class though over had been fun, and he planned to continue the practice. Unfortunately, he didn't have anything to work on or tweak right now. 

Irritated, Gabriel turned off the studio lights and went back to the living room. It wasn't too late to catch the local news. Forty-five minutes now, not too long. He turned the news on and frowned the first story was about a child being shot. Running a hand through his still-damp hair, Gabriel pushed the off button on the television remote, got up, and walked to the window. The last thing he wanted to do was sit around fretting for an hour.

On a battlefield moments like these were dangerous, a soldier could only sit on alert for so long without either being lulled into a false sense of security or overthinking and letting doubts, insidious and corrosive creep in. As a captain, he tried to keep his men busy at times like these idle hands were the devil's own tools. He was not above it, especially not now. 

He went to his bar and poured a shot of whiskey, just a little something to take the edge off and picked up the gift he'd gotten her. 

On his way home from O'hare airport Gabriel had stopped at Nordstroms to look for a gift for Michael. His thought had been to get her a bracelet or perhaps silk scarf. With more time he might have looked for something more personal but Michael could buy a lot of what she wanted for herself so a modest piece of jewelry or beautiful accessory would suffice for now. While perusing the the jewelry he'd been drawn to a case of designer women's watches.

Beautiful pieces in rich colors with floral or celestial themes. Two had caught his eye one a deep blue with silver numbers and hands on its face, a celestial theme. The other a rich dark black with rose gold joins and trim along its was floral and while he'd been leaning toward the blue and silver knowing that they were her favorite colors, he'd gone with the pink and black in the end. The watch was striking and while Michael leaned toward muted colors, neutrals and earth tones her accessories tended to be bright splashes. 

He opened the case, studying the striking black and pink watch wondering if it really was the right choice. If she'd like it? It had matching earrings. He set the gift back on the mantle and poured himself a drink, just a shot of whiskey.

_"I've been a bit of a dick over the past few days sweetheart, and I'm sorry you don't deserve that. There's a lot going on with me right now that you don't know about and that's my fault too. I'm sorry, you are important to me, Michael so important. I lo-"_

He'd been thinking of telling her before he left, but now it seemed like a lot at once and, besides, well, he was a strategist and the strategist in him wanted that to be its own thing.

So now he'd just apologize for the way he'd behaved recently. Tell her about his son and offer a simple explanation for why he'd lied about having children. 

_"When we were visiting the Phoenix Gardens, and you asked if I had any children, I did lie, and I'm sorry about that. I wasn't ready to share it with you, and we were having such a good time- it's not such an easy thing to talk about."_

It was an honest if incomplete answer. If she probed it- He blew out a breath.

Michael was a smart, perceptive woman. His answer implied that he doubted her compassion, he didn't.

Gabriel turned the tv back on flicking through the channels looking for something to catch his eye. 

The truth was her question had sent a shock of panic through him. Ava, Anthony, the mistakes he'd made in his marriage, he wasn't ready to share any of that, he was afraid. Afraid, because he hadn't felt certain then, hell, he didn't feel certain now, that he could ever convince her he was a changed man, that she could trust him, that her heart was safe with him.

It was over 20 years later, and Ellen Landry continued to be the most expensive lay of his life. He knocked back the shot and chewed his lower lip, studying the bottom of his glass, shaking his head.

He paused flicking the channels as Linda Carter filled the screen. First Wonder Woman he ever knew and one of his biggest childhood crushes. She was still beautiful now, but this took him back to being a teen and watching reruns on Saturday afternoons. He would watch this, not let himself get absorbed by doubts or worrying what he would do if Michael probed his answers to her questions. He'd just try and watch this episode and remember why Wonder Woman was skateboarding or if he could purchase it on DVD or maybe even digitally. It might be nice to sit down one weekend and revisit that childhood memory.

Keeping his attention on that during the commercial break, Gabe grumbled and picked up his phone searching for just that. It turned on that he could, in fact, buy Wonder Woman on DVD, he was considering the purchase when a knock at the door made him nearly jump out of his skin, eyes going to the clock, 6 p.m. If this was Michael she was early.

Taking a deep breath, he turned the tv off and the music back on before going to the door. He took a moment to look through the peephole. She stood there dressed in white, hands clasped in front of her. 

A smile spread across his face, even warped and twisted by the peephole lens, and filled with nerves just seeing Michael was enough to bring a smile to his face.

"Hey, there, gorgeous." He said, pulling the door open.

"Hey, Gabe." A small smile flashed across her face and disappeared.

Normally when he saw Michael, he greeted her with a hug and kiss, she smiled at him warm and welcoming. Now she stood on his doorstep stiff, hands high and clasped creating distance between them. She was angry, he guessed, he couldn't be sure her expression gave away nothing, but he didn't touch her.

"Come on in." 

He stepped aside and let her enter, shutting the door behind her. He settled for giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, hands tucked awkwardly into his back pockets.

"I made us dinner."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you'd want to go out."

"We could if that's a problem-"

"It's fine." She seemed to relax a bit. "I just assumed that you wouldn't have food since you'd been out of town and that you'd be too jetlagged to cook."

"Well, I wanted to make us dinner, and I am very efficient about certain things." He beamed at her, and that earned him another brief smile.

"Do you need to use the bathroom or anything?"

She shook her head.

"Well if you're hungry, let's eat."

"Ok." She nodded but didn't unclasp her hands, and Gabriel rubbed his hands awkwardly on his thighs before starting down the hall. He stole surreptitious glances at her as they traversed the hall conversation awkward and stilted. She was wearing a white linen short suit, it was cute lace eyelet trim on the sleeves and hem of the short. Her dark hair twisted into something he couldn't quite describe but it had an air of regalness about it. He wanted to reach out and touch her, put an arm around her shoulders, tell her how beautiful she looked, her dark-skin gleaming against the white linen. 

"I'll have to heat the food up a bit."

"Right, sorry, about being late."

"Shit happens, don't worry about it. Everything ok at work?"

"It's fine."

"Make yourself comfortable, I'll get the food heated up and bring you a glass of wine."

"Ok."

With Michael settled in the dining room, Gabe went to the kitchen to deal with the food. He put the heat on low under both the pasta and the fish before pouring two glasses of pinot. But he didn't head into the dining room right away. He stood in the kitchen, arms crossed, staring at the door, trying to figure Michael out. He'd expected- He didn't know what he expected, but he expected something different. 

Michael had always been reserved but never distant, at least she'd never seemed so to him, and she'd never been reserved like this when they were alone. Uncertain what to do next but knowing he couldn't stand around in his kitchen staring at the door Gabe grabbed the wine glasses and went back into the dining room. 

"Pinot grigio."

He handed her a glass, and she took it with a smile.

"Thank you."

Gabe took the seat opposite her and sat down, trying to figure out what to say or do next.

"What happened at work?"

She looked up at him.

"Nothing really. I was just reviewing last week's notes before heading home and realized I hadn't sequenced the data for last week's reports."

"Oh."

"I thought I'd finish faster."

Gabriel nodded.

"It was just silly how I missed that, but there was just a lot going on last week."

She looked down at her glass, but the implication hung in the air between them. And he wondered if she said the words with that intent.

"I need to check on the food."

He knew he was stalling, but Gabe still pushed away from the table and stood, the chair scraping against the hardwood floor loud in the silence between songs, the silence between them.

She had joked about her poker face on the first date but damn it if he couldn't find anything in her expression or posture now, and he really didn't know what to do about that.

He found the pasta starting to bubble in the kitchen and stirred it deciding to stay there until the food was done reheating.

"Don't read into it," Gabriel muttered to himself. "We'll have dinner, a couple glasses of wine, give her the watch and the earrings, explain everything, and it will be fine."

The salmon started to sizzle a bit, and Gabriel held his hand over the fillets before gently tapping them with the back of his finger, not yet.

"She's just mad and with reason." 

The distance that had sprung up between them in just a few short days felt unbridgeable when she was looking at him, expression neutral and reserved but what they had built in the last three months, though new was not so easily destroyed. He would close that gap. 

When he decided the food was warm enough, Gabriel redid their plates. Salmon fillets atop a bed of linguine in a creamy parmesan and mushroom sauce. He threw away the old basil leaves and artfully added new, bright, ones. It was almost as beautiful as the first time. Plates done, Gabriel took a deep breath and carried them into the dining room.

Michael looked up from her phone as he entered, and there was a flash of curiosity in her face that disappeared into her neutral expression all too quickly.

"Pan-seared salmon fillet and linguine in parmesan, cream sauce with mushrooms and fresh basil."

"It looks good." She met his eyes briefly before turning her attention to her plate.

"How was the rest of your trip?"

"It was good," Gabriel took his seat. 

He talked around Anthony, focusing on his family, his niece, and nephew, the food, that awful Peter Pan movie.

She did start to relax, smiling, making eye contact, engaging in the conversation rather than giving one-word answers. She was on a second glass of wine when he got a relaxed, happy laugh out of her and she met and held his eyes, for just a moment, it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. As fast as it had come, it was gone. A lid slammed shut on a box the bubbly, happy Michael he loved disappearing beneath a cool, detached demeanor.

"Excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom."

She sat her silverware on the plate with a clatter and left the table. 

"Damn it!" He swore under his breath the moment she was out of the room.  

It had been going so well, almost normal and she'd shut it down, opened the distance between them that had seemed as if it wanted to close. Gabe clicked his tongue and considered what to do next. He'd wanted to at least enjoy dinner before getting into a difficult conversation, but Michael wasn't going to allow that. He would apologize when she came back, for all of it the missed date, the phone calls, and the texts. He'd offer to explain himself but suggest that they might enjoy their meal first. It would be up to her, though, at this point, he would go with whatever she felt was best. Gabriel nodded to himself, this plan made sense.

He took a bit of the salmon, the perfectly flaked fish tender and fluffy between his teeth, and chewed it without tasting.

"Gabe." 

He looked up at the sound of his voice, he hadn't heard Michael moving down the hall, but she stood in the doorway now all the emotion she'd been hiding suddenly visible. She trembled for just a moment  before taking a deep breath, her chin came forward her hands clenched into fists at her side. 

"I don't want to break-up." The words came out in a defiant rush. 

"Break-up who said anything about breaking up?"

"You've been acting differently, distant, distracted and Jim-"

"Jim?" It was his turn to be annoyed.

"Jim was at the M-Lounge on Tuesday when you stood me up."

"You were out with Jim last Tuesday?"

Michael pursed her lips.

"Don't do that. Look it's simple Jim and Spock have been best friends since high school. He was meeting them there it was purely a coincidence that I ran into them. He saw I was upset, kept me company, defended you but then we talked later in the week, Jim and I and I mentioned you didn't explain, he wasn't impressed."

Irritated Gabriel crossed his arms.

"Thought you were trying to get me to break-up with you for some reason, especially after I mentioned I invited you to meet my family." The last words came out softly, and she looked away for a moment. "I'm not breaking up with you Gabe. You'll have to break up with me."

She looked up now eyes wide, shiny, locked on his, hands clenched into fists at her sides, trembling with tension and worry. He wondered for an idle second if he told her that he did want to break up if she would fly into a rage or shatter right there in front of him.

"Gabe?" His name came out in a soft, breathless sob and that snapped him out of his paralysis. 

"Michael, baby no, no, no, god no," He closed the distance between them in two steps and pulled her into his arms. She resisted his embrace for a moment. "I'm sorry, darlin'. I'm so sorry. I'm so happy with you sweetheart."

He rubbed her back, trying to soothe her, but Michael pulled away so she could look at him. 

"You've been acting so differently and I…" She stared at him, his Michael, dark eyes needy and vulnerable.

"I know sweetheart, and I'm sorry, but I swear darlin' you're the most important thing in the world to me and I'm not goin' anywhere." 

She held his eyes searching for the truth of his words, and Gabriel thought he should tell her he loved her, that she was smart and beautiful and perfect, and he could feel it swelling around his heart. Perhaps she saw the truth of it in his eyes because she kissed him rather suddenly and as always the touch of her lips stirred passion in him. 

It had only been a week since they'd been together last, but in that short time, the emotional rift he'd opened between them felt like a yawning chasm that needed to be filled, bridged immediately. He kissed her with needy desperation pressing her body along his as she wound her arms around him.

_'I love you.'_

The words passed through his mind, and Gabe tore his lips away to press his forehead against hers and breathe.

"Gabe?"

He opened his eyes to see a neediness that reflected his own in dark limitless pools. 

"I need you, please."

The words were husky, breathless. Gabriel groaned, running his hands up and down her back before capturing her lips again, nipping at the lower one and then stroking the tender spot with his tongue. He walked backward, down the hall and into the bedroom. 

Their kisses grew heated, and soon they were fumbling out of their clothes until Michael was naked in the center of his bed. He paused a moment to sweep his eyes over her beautiful, perfect body. In that short five days, he'd missed the sight of her, the feel of her skin under his hands, her taste, the way she moaned and writhed under him in the night. 

When she reached up to palm his length through his shorts, her other hand tugging at the waistband intent obvious Gabe stopped her.

"Hold on darlin'."

She looked up confusion mingling with desire, Michael was such a giving, active lover, and it made him love her all the more. 

"What is it, Gabe? I just wanna-" 

He stroked her cheek, his thumb moved over her lower lip, and she sucked the tip.

"Not yet sweetheart," he met dark eyes, darker still with lust and felt a familiar tightening in his balls as he imagined just how wet she was, not yet though. "Let me please you. Let me show you just how much you mean to me sweetheart."

She nodded and scooted back further back onto his bed, and he covered her warm body with his own savoring the way her bare skin felt against his, warm and silk. He cupped her face between his hands.

"Sweetheart, I've missed you so much. I'm sorry things got so out of hand."

She pressed her fingertips to his lips.

"I've missed you too," her voice was breathy. "But later, Gabe, just now I want to be with you."

He almost said it right then but instead somehow concentrated on showing her. Kissing first her the fingertips pressed to his lips then her sweet mouth before peppering her face with kisses, hating the idea that she had believed he would ever possibly break-up with her, mind full of how much he missed her, how much he needed her to know. Trying all the while to do the little things she liked, stroke his tongue along the outer edge of her ear and a gentle puff of breath after. Then moving down along the graceful column of her throat to lick and nip and sensitive skin.

He worked his way down --Michael offering encouragement all the while with pleased moans or a gasped yes-- reminding them both of a familiar pattern,  steps in a dance he hoped to do again and again, but only with her. 

He attended worshipfully to her perfect breast lavishing attention on the sensitive nipples till they stood erect and firm.

"Just like that Gabe." Michael sighed happily stroking his hair and he wished he could watch the pleasure make its way across her beautiful face. Then further down along her abdomen, savoring the familiar scent of the lotions and soaps she used and the scent that was unique to Michael, and Michael alone. 

Gabriel took his time as he neared the mons pubis, drawing out the pleasure he knew she was anticipating peppering little kisses along her hips, inhaling the heady, pungent scent of arousal wafting up from between her legs even as he applied gentle pressure there to tease.

"I've missed the way you smell Michael."

She moaned something unintelligible, and he chuckled.

"You get so wet for me lil' darlin'. Makes me rock hard just thinking about that pretty, little pussy of yours when we're apart."

"You can see it now," the words came out in a little whimper, and she pushed down on his shoulders with strong hands.

"Not, yet darlin." 

"But Gabe-" She whined and he gave her thigh a playful slap that made her gasp and look at him with a pout on her pretty face.

"Be patient." 

Michael glared down at him before slipping a hand between her legs and fingering herself while he watched arrested by the sight of her dripping wet, glistening swollen and slick with need, a  dark stain a growing on the sheets beneath her. He watched momentarily transfixed as she probed her little cunt, dark but tempting pink at the center, with two tapered fingers and moaned. Gabe felt himself get harder still watching this sudden, unexpected show.

 When she slid them out and up to stroke the nub of her clit, Gabe grabbed her hand and sucked her fingers into his mouth liking slightly sweet, slickness from the digits before replacing them with his own long, thick fingers. She arched against his fingers with a moan and tangled the fingers of the hand he'd captured in his hair. Unable to resist her after that delicious taste Gabe leaned in pausing a moment to savor the fragrance of her tempting cunt, wet and heated against his fingers, before stroking the length of her slit with the flat of his tongue.

Michael gasped, breath hitching as her hips rocked forward and he chuckled low in his chest before taking a firm grip on her hips to keep her place while he feasted. 

He teased her pretty little pussy with long, slow strokes of his tongue giving special attention to the little areas that made her arch, twitch and tremble, sending throbbing pulses through her pussy, to the accompaniment of breathy moans, that grew in intensity. The tiny U-spot just beneath her clit that only showed itself when she heavily aroused and need only be swiped back and forth with the tip of his tongue, a little random spot to the left that she'd directed him to one lazy Sunday morning as her fingers tugged at his hair and then her g-spot the little bundle of nerves that he stroked with one finger while suckling the bead of her clit as she began to writhe underneath him, arching her back,  feet pressing against his shoulder blades as she came.

When she finally went limp, he sat up from between her legs and caught the last fleeting glimpse of pleasure on her face before her dark eyes opened to meet his. She sat up almost the moment their eyes met pressing her lips to his, while her fingers tugged eagerly at the waistband of his boxer briefs.

"Now," she demanded, breath scented with the fragrance of her arousal. He nodded reached over her to fumble in the nightstand for the box of condoms kept there. 

Gabriel reached over to his nightstand fumbling for the box of condoms that he kept there and groaned in frustration when he found it empty. 

"What is it?" Michael's forehead was pressed to his, her eyes were locked on his.

"No condoms."

"We don't need them." She stroked his jawline with her thumbs. "It'll be fine-"

"-Michael," he interrupted her.

"It's fine." She kissed his chin, and his cheek gazed up at him eyes dark with need, her hair a halo. "I need you. I'm wet and aching for you, please."

Gabriel groaned, the idea of sheathing himself inside her dripping wet cunt short-circuiting any and all common sense. He took hold of her hips, even as she spread her pretty thighs even wider and pressed against her entry savoring first the tingle caused by the wiry hair that decorated her puss, the sensation of it was pleasurable enough that he was always baffled that some people could prefer shaven. He didn't enter her right away but stroked his head along her slick warmth, savoring that first delicious taste of her with nothing between them.

Michael moaned at that and then arched her hips to do the same to him. Unable to hold himself back any longer, Gabriel pulled her underneath him and entered her in one long easy stroke as they both moaned at the pleasure of it that mixed sense of relief and building tension.

She was so wet and hot and slick and snug, and he needed her so much. Her silky thighs came up around his waist, and they began moving together it was familiar but suddenly new, seeing her with both love and desire. 

His Michael, his beautiful, sweet, perfect Michael underneath him, moaning with pleasure as he filled her, aiming with each stroke for that spot deep inside that made her lose control. He touched and kissed her as they fucked, desperate to make her cum as she grew more aroused taking him deeper and letting him hit those spots that made her throb and arch against him with each stroke, keeping up the rhythm that would push her closer and closer to the edge. 

She began to flex and tighten around him, her cunt tugging him as she started to cum. 

"Oh god, Gabe don't stop."

Determined to satisfy her Gabe ground those deep spots, and Michael gasped her moans going higher as she clung to him legs locked around his waist. She announced her pleasure in a long, gasped out shriek, body going tense in a long arch, as she held tight to him for one sweet, sweet moment and it was good, so good more than he could resist.

"You're so good sweetheart- fuck so good-"

Gabriel couldn't hold it any longer, he ground out his own pleasure, holding her hips fast, fingers digging into her flesh as he came finally, the pleasure of it blazing up his spine and exploding through his brain.

"Michael, love you!"

The words slipped out of their own accord his seed gushing forth in hot spurts as he lost himself in her. He rested between her thighs savoring the aftermath of their pleasure, her warmth, and softness, the heady musky scent of their sex filling the room. 

"I love you," he whispered those words in her ear and lifted his head a bit to gaze down her, look in her eyes, take in her face relaxed and happy, the nimbus of her hair. 

Gabriel stroked her hair from her face and gazed into her dark eyes lost in them for a moment savoring the ebb of pleasure, the sweet warmth found between her legs and the sense of oneness with her. 

"Michael, I love you, darlin'."

She didn't say anything, just kissed him again and that was fine for now. He was certain he'd seen love in her eyes, he didn't need to hear the words he just needed her to know, his Michael. 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- Whip Appeal references a 90's R&B song by the singer Babyface. I thought it was really appropriate for the mood of this chapter.


	9. Caught Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel finally tells Michael the secret he's been keeping from her and Michael discovers some secrets of her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, hope you're all well. Caught Up and Whip Appeal have been a long time coming. I'm really excited to get this one posted. Please take a moment to comment and let me know what you think. And remember you can bookmark or subscribe so you never miss an update.

She should have been asking questions, demanding explanations, _should have been_. She couldn't bring herself to do so, not while she lay comfortably basking. 

The scientist in her wondered with mild amusement how quickly she'd become used to this and still more how quickly she'd come to feel deprived, even as she pressed close to Gabe wriggling in place to extend the delicious sensitivity she felt, the buoyance of feeling pervading her. 

"We can't just lay here?"

Michael pouted suddenly willing to let him explain himself later, even if that wasn't the right choice, this was how people misused sex.

"Why not?"

Gabriel propped himself up on his elbows, and Michael admired him his profile, the breadth of his shoulders, the muscles of his back. She stroked her thumb along his jaw.

"I missed you."

He smiled and shifted so he could look at her more directly, his blue eyes clear and bright-

_"I love you."_

She swallowed just a little breathless, heart speeding up-

"I missed you too but let's not get off track. First things first we can probably go to the Walgreen's  47th Street and Lake Park for Plan B."

Michael chewed her bottom lip, remembering the sensation of Gabe finishing inside her, an unexpected flood of heat, spreading deliciously through her, Gabe shuddering lost in it, and God help her if the sensation of it hadn't triggered a 3rd orgasm in the moment as she'd thought of him filling her up. 

Her skin grew hotter, and Michael ducked her head at the lewdness of her thoughts.

"Michael, Plan B?"

"Yes, sorry, uh-no." She said, actually focusing on his concern.

"No Plan B, Michael? I mean-"

"-No, no listen, my period starts in a day, maybe two, the fertile part of my cycle is over for this month, and by the time it starts again, any lingering semen will be dead, absorbed it's fine."

"So," Gabe grinned and let his eyes taking a long, lingering trip over her body, and Michael felt that familiar throb between her legs. "You're safe?"

She leaned toward him, very much aware of what he was thinking.

"Quite safe." She stroked a finger along his cheekbone. "And the shift in my hormones, combined with my boyfriend's neglect this last week, means I find myself intensely aroused." She finished the last breathily and smirked when Gabe's breath quickened.

"Is that so?"

Gabe shifted onto his side and settled a hand on her hip, making absent-minded little circles with his thumb.

"Mhmm."

Gabe leaned toward her, his lips inches from hers, and Michael found herself tempted to kiss him, to get lost in it all again, indulge in the heat that was always between them.

"But," she pushed at his shoulders with gentle hands. "We should probably talk."

Disappointment evident in his expression, Gabriel nodded.

"Yeah, we should. I was kinda hoping that we could finish dinner first. I'm not trying to delay sweetheart." He stroked her shoulder with his index finger. "I swear- I just- Aren't you a little hungry?"

"The food was excellent."

"Thank you."

"Let's go ahead and finish dinner first."

"Let me reheat the food."

Gabe got out of bed, and Michael let her eyes linger on him as he moved about the room, pulling on a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt.

"Like what you see, darlin'?"

"You bet. Come here?" She crooked a finger at him, and he strode back over to the bed, gaze dropping to her bare breast before returning to her eyes. 

"What is it?"

She took a fistful of his shirt and pulled him down for a kiss before lying back in bed with a happy stretch, arms thrown back over her head, knowing full well how he'd react. The heated gaze he gave her in response sent a warm flush through her and Michael's smile broadened.

"That's it, you can go."

"You're a sexy little minx, you know that."

"Mhmm."

He bit his bottom lip, gaze lingering on her a moment more before turning and leaving the room with a shake of his head. Feeling all too pleased with life, Michael lay in bed listening to Gabe moving around in the kitchen with a smile on her face. It wasn't until she heard the sound of plates clattering on the countertop that she got out of bed to dress. 

The air conditioning kept the apartment a bit cool even though it was the height of summer. Michael  the dresser drawer Gabe had given her looking for something to wear. She had a pair of soft knit charcoal gray culottes with a tie at the waist and a matching cropped camisole. Comfortably dressed, she tied the kinks and coils of her hair back from her face with a narrow scarf and looked under the bed for the pool slides that served her for house shoes during the summer. Comfortably dressed now, she didn't move to follow Gabe to the kitchen but settled on the edge of his bed, thinking.

_They weren't breaking up._

_Gabe loved her._

_He loved her._

A broad grin stretched across her face at the memory, he'd said it three times, no mistaking that for "I love it." Not when he'd stroked her hair back out of her face and made a point of meeting her in the eyes that last time. 

_"Michael, I love you, darlin'."_

She felt a flutter in her stomach at the memory, and the buoyant, happy feeling surged again, but it was accompanied by a hint of discomfort, the taste of something bitter that did not belong. Michael frowned, not certain what to do with that, maybe it was because she hadn't said it back. He'd want to hear that surely? A tingle of fear came along with that. She'd never told a man she loved him before. 

"He doesn't seem to be concerned about hearing it right this moment, worry about that later."

There was also the unprotected sex they'd just had. Like she'd told Gabe she wasn't worried about them getting pregnant, it was the wrong time of the month for that. But STIs were transmitted by unsafe sex. _She was smarter than that? Right?_

There was treatment for HIV, but it still killed people eventually, hell Black women were one of the fastest-growing populations for rates of infection, or at least they used to be. Not that she thought Gabe had that or any other STI, but there were discussions you were supposed to have, tests you, and your partner should get. 

She'd gotten horny and emotional and seduced him into forgoing it. _"Caught up in the moment"_ is how Sylvia had once described it, and Michael had shaken her head in condemnation then. And yet here she was. _Would she have done the same two weeks earlier in her cycle when there would have been a high chance of her become enceinte?_

Perhaps her mother was correct. Inexperienced, insecure, and desperate were apt words to describe her? Her frown deepened, and Michael wished that they had preserved that bubble just a little longer. With a resigned sigh she tucked her hands into the pocket of her culottes and went looking for Gabe in the kitchen.

She found him leaning against the kitchen counter, arms crossed as he stared off into the distance, clearly absorbed in thought, microwave humming as it warmed their food. His eyes landed on her as she entered, and he smiled.

"I got you something."

"Really?" Michael was intrigued; she hadn't been looking for a gift.

He nodded, and her eyes widened as he held out a flat leather jewelry case to her. 

"You don't-" She demurred.

"-I wanted to."

She took the case and let out a little gasp at what she saw. Something she would never have gotten for herself but striking and absolutely beautiful. A watch and that was part of why she wouldn't have gotten it but it was the face black with a celestial scape of the moon, clouds, stars white but tinged in rose gold, the face was circled in the same rose gold and the metal fastenings stood out strong against a rich black leather band. Pink tinged crescent earrings rested next to the watch, and Michael stared at them a moment. 

It was such a feminine thing to be given a gift of jewelry by a repentant lover and something Michael realized in that moment that she'd started to think might never happen to her. 

"It's beautiful," Michael said, feeling an unexpected swell of emotion; suddenly overwhelmed, she put her arms around him, burying her face in his neck to hide just how deeply his gesture affected her. "Thank you."  

It felt so good to just be in his arms, to take in the scent of their sex on his skin, the way it mingled with his familiar soap and cologne. His hands moved over her back, sliding under her camisole and make her skin tingle at his touch. Happiness bubbled in her, and Michael realized it would be so easy to push everything else aside and focus on the fact that Gabriel was back, and he was being everything she wanted him to be. 

To accept these nice things, dinner, gifts, lose herself in his arms, and just be happy. She pressed closer as if she could just sink into him and let herself stay in the moment, enjoy everything she was getting. 

"I made the right choice? There was a blue and silver one, but I thought about the way you use accessories, little splashes of color-"

"It was the right choice. Although," she said, trying to regain her composure. "I don't know why I'd want to try such an old-fashioned way of telling time."

She stepped back and smiled mischievously at him while Gabe rolled his eyes. The microwave dinged.  

"You'll see."

Gabe got their plates from the microwave, and they settled down to eat. The reheated fish wasn't the same; the skin had lost the crispiness of the sear, but the flavor was still good, and it was warm and filling. Michael threw herself into enjoying dinner and her time with him being comfortable and at ease like they had before. She'd missed him, missed them.

When they finished dinner, she helped him load the dishwasher, and they moved to the living room with the half-finished bottle of wine and a tray of four fruit tarts he'd bought from the bakery in the lobby.

Michael settled on the toile print duvet Gabe had laid across the couch, but Gabriel did not join her. He stood instead by the mantle, looking away out the window at the limitless expanse of blue that filled the eastern view in Chicago. It was nearing 8 p.m., and the summer sun was setting, tinging the darkening evening sky with purple and orange. 

She studied his broad back, his shoulders, the rigidness of his stance, the tension emanating from him now. He was suddenly far away again.

"You know you can talk to me, right?"

He sighed, shoulders sinking.

"I know."

Worried now, Michael got to her feet and went to him, putting her arms around his waist; she rested her cheek against his shoulder blade, focused on comforting him.

"I missed you, and I want to know what's going on."

He squeezed her hand, and she smiled as some of the tensions seemed to ease out of him.

"Come on," she took a step back, but captured his hand and started toward the couch.

He started to join her but stopped, crouching down to reach under the coffee table and retrieve a coffee-colored leather storage cube.

"I think I'll just show you."

"Ok."

He pulled the lid off the storage cube and stacked three old fashioned photo albums in the center of the table. Schooling herself to patience, Michael waited while he put the cube back under the table and retrieved what looked like a pamphlet from one of the albums.

There was a long moment where he sat studying the pamphlet before thrusting it into her hands and walking away to resume his position by the mantle.

She started to question him but stopped and turned her attention back to the pamphlet.

_Anthony Lorca, born 02/07/00, taken from us 07/02/08._

Not a pamphlet but an obituary. A little boy wearing a suit and bow-tie, smiling and snaggle-toothed, hair cut into a low-top fade stared out at her, expression one of eager excitement for life. The same little boy from the missing picture on Gabe's nightstand. She started to ask another question, but stopped herself and continued reading, everything was right here in her hands.

_What kind of child Anthony Lorca was, how loved he was, who survived him, mother Ava Lorca, father Gabriel Lorca-_

Now she stopped reading and looked up to see him watching her, expression unreadable. 

"So, this is what you've been dealing with this last week?"

"Yeah," he said softly.

With careful fingers, Michael placed the obituary on top of the stack of photo albums before getting to her feet. 

"I'm sorry, Gabe."

For the second time, she went to him, but this time she stood on tiptoe to kiss his forehead and pull his head down to her shoulder. 

She wasn't sure what to expect, but then he sighed, and his arms came tight around her. She felt his weight heavy in her arms, heavier than expected, and he started to cry, shaking in her arms. 

It wasn't for very long, and it wasn't very hard, but Michael did her best to soothe him while he wept into her shoulder. She stroked and kissed the silk-like strands of his hair and cooed gently to him, willing him strength and hoping that she provided comfort until he suddenly squeezed her tighter still and stopped.

When he lifted his head, Michael gazed up at him and stroked her thumbs across his cheeks, waiting to see what he said or did.

"Well, I got your shoulder all wet."

"It's fine, shoulders are generally waterproof."

He smiled slightly at that for just a second.

"Come on, sit down." Michael tugged him back toward the sofa, and he came unresisting. She sat first, putting a pillow against the arm of the couch for her back and resting one foot on the sofa.

"Sit." She patted the space between her legs. He did as told settling between her thighs and pillowing his head against her breast. "Did you want to show me these?" Michael patted the stack of photo albums.

There were other things they needed to discuss, like why he'd kept this from her, and she still wanted him to explain his behavior. The loss itself provided context, but it had also been ten years. It shouldn't have nearly incapciated him after a decade, should it?

But having witnessed how deep the well of his grief ran, Michael couldn't bring herself to press him, not yet. 

"Do you really want to see these old photo albums?"

Michael tightened her arms around him.

"I do, your son is a big part of your life, and I want to know about him."

"Alright." He smiled and picked up the first album.

* * *

 

"That's Universal Studios, right?" Michael pointed to the top photo.

"Yeah," he smiled, studying the photos before turning the page. "He asked me if I was secretly a wizard after we left."

"Really?"

"He thought I looked a bit like that Harry Potter villain Louis something-"

"Lucius Malfoy!?" Michael chuckled, shaking her head. "I don't see it. Aren't his eyes like brown?"

"I wouldn't know."

"He is handsome, though," Michael said thoughtfully.

Gabe angled his head to look up at her.

"Is he now?"

"No more handsome than you."

She gave him a quick kiss, and he turned his attention back to the album. Michael ran her hands through his hair, listening carefully as he told her about his son. A glance at the clock showed it was nearly 10 p.m. Gabe showed no sign of being ready to stop talking about Anthony, but his mood had shifted. When she'd requested Tuesday off, it had simply been because he was going to be out of town for several days, and she'd expected to miss him.

She hadn't imagined in her wildest that he would have told her that he loved her or that she'd be comforting him over the death of his child. She tightened her arms around him involuntarily, and he fell silent a moment before turning another page.

"Is that the first day of kindergarten? He's so cute in his little blue and gray uniform." She studied the picture, little boy grinning hard, haircut short, snaggle teeth, and a distinctive cleft in his chin.

"Yeah, he was and its first grade. He did pre-k through kindergarten with a daycare."

Michael picked up her glass of wine and took a sip of the pinot. The coffee table was littered with albums, photos, half-eaten tarts, and wine glasses. A nearly empty bottle of wine sat on the floor. 

"He looks very handsome. Did he like school?"

"He did, he was curious about everything, though-" Gabriel paused.

"What is it?"

"It was an exclusive private school in the south. There were issues with race, with him being one of the few African-American children in the school."

Michael nodded.

"It was a tough call we wanted him to get the best education money could buy, but whether or not it was always best for him wasn't so clear."

"I understand that," Michael said, all too familiar with being Black, where people only expected to see white. "Was he happy?"

"He was, mostly."

"What's this one?" Gently nudging him in another direction, Michael pointed to a picture of Anthony in a suit and bow-tie with Gabriel and an older woman who looked like she could be his mother."

"We took my mother out for Sunday brunch one morning, he was seven there. It seems so long ago."

Hearing the sadness in his voice, she laced her fingers through the hand resting on his chest. 

"That's alright, talk about him. Just don't close me out again."

"It wasn't on purpose. I really wasn't."

"I know, but just don't do it again ok."

He frowned a moment and sat up, setting the album aside.

"Ya'know I didn't expect it to hit me this hard. When you asked if I had any kids and I told you I hadn't that wasn't the truth obviously --and I'm sorry I lied-- but I just didn't want to talk about him then. Our relationship was pretty new, and it was just a beautiful day, so I decided I wasn't going to talk about it today."

Michael nodded. 

"But last week was different and not just different from when you asked a few months back but different even from the last few anniversaries. You get that right with your parents?"

"Yes," she said softly and took his hand. "The anniversary of their death doesn't hurt me the way it used to, but I know what you mean about it being unexpectedly hard sometimes. Harder than it was the previous year, and all this time you thought you were going to be fine."

"Yeah." He met her eyes then."I would have told you on Tuesday after we had dinner, and then you had to work on Wednesday, and I knew if I started talking to you about this, I'd want to keep talking, and I wanted to let you work."

"Okay."

"There is something else you should know."

Michael frowned and schooled her face into what she hoped was a neutral expression.

"My ex-wife, Ava, after the divorce, she and I were not getting along. It was messy, Anthony died not long after we signed the papers." He paused here and took a deep breath. "Four years after the accident she called me out of the blue, it was early December. We talked, it was good, she was seeing a therapist apparently, and uh yeah, it was almost a bit like before everything went wrong. We had some resolution. I got a call a couple weeks later, a few days before Christmas, letting me know that she had died. She'd gotten extremely drunk and driven her car into a tree."

"Oh god, Gabe, I'm so sorry." 

"I mourn her, not the way I mourn Anthony, but I do mourn her."

Michael nodded. 

"She's the mother of your child, you were married, of course, you mourn her. I think that's natural." Michael put her arms around him, and he was quiet for a while, her new watch ticking away the only sound. "Is this helping you, talking about them?"

"It does. Are you ok with me talking about Ava or Anthony even?"

"Your son? I want to hear about him."

"And Ava?"

He looked at her, eyes probing.

"Should I not be ok?" Michael stalled, answering that. "If she suddenly sprang back from the dead, would I have something to worry about?"

He actually smiled a little.

"No, sweetheart, not at all."

"Then, no. Other women that you have been involved with would not be my conversation topic of choice, but if you really need to talk, I wanna listen."

He nodded, and it was his turn to give her a quick, reassuring kiss.

"Thank you, lil' darlin' and I want to get clear on somethin'. I hurt you and I didn't mean that. I got absorbed in my grief, I should have managed better."

"Well, you had a-"

"Naw," he said interrupting her. "My baby doesn't deserve to get stood up or ignored ever, alright."

"Alright."

"Come here."  He said putting an arm around her and Michael rested her head on his shoulder feeling happy again. For a while they were quiet, his fingers laced with hers the only sound their breathing and the steady ticking of her watch.

"Your baby?" Feeling a bit shy Michael looked up at him through downcast lashes.

"Yes, mine."

A happy sigh escaped her and Michael leaned her head on his shoulder for a brief contented moment but then that sour feeling slithered back.

"Gabe is it ok- I didn't…"Not sure how to ask Michael fell silent.

"What is it?"

She looked at him now.

"I didn't say it back."

"I didn't expect you to."

"You didn't?"

"No."

He gazed down at her smiling softly, his eyes lit by  a warm, happiness that seemed to embrace her.

"That's fine. In the 3 months we've been dating you've gone at a different pace than me in every level of our relationship. So there's no way I was expecting you to say "I love you" just because I did."

He kissed her fingers and then placed her hand over his heart and Michael swallowed savoring the feel of a firm and steady beat under her fingers.

"I just needed you to know how I feel."

"But you want to hear it eventually?" Somehow Michael whispered the question barely able to get the words out.

"Only if you mean it darlin'."

"And if I didn't, if I never feel that way?" She asked feeling some vague heretofore unnamed fear.

"We'll cross that bridge if we come to lil' darlin', don't worry about it for now. Just be happy for a little while."

* * *

It was the little glowing light blinking on her phone that drew her into the living room. She'd gotten up to go to the bathroom, on her way back to the bedroom the gently blinking light of the phone had caught her eye. She'd gone to retrieve it from the coffee table, only doing so in a nearly dark room had resulted in Michael banging her shin against the edge of said table and sent a stack of photos fluttering to the floor.

Knowing how important they were to Gabe, Michael turned on the flashlight app on her phone and crouched to gather them one-by-one, putting them into a neat little stack, the photo on top catching her eye. It was Anthony and Ava standing side-by-side both facing the camera, both wearing nearly identical smiles. 

When she'd seen that first picture of Anthony month ago, she'd puzzled over the relationship in part because as stereotypical as it might have been, Anthony just didn't look mixed. That didn't mean he wasn't mixed, side-by-side he was clearly lighter than Ava.

Now Michael knew her biology well enough to know that genetically complexions were neither dominant nor recessive, but equal essentially, so a mixed-race black and white couple might have black-looking children, white-looking children, or as in many cases mixed looking children, but all were still mixed. Anthony looking Black rather than mixed didn't mean anything. But what genetics couldn't do was give a little boy an auto-dominant trait that neither of his parents had, like the chin cleft that marked Anthony Lorca's little face. Ava hadn't had one that was clear from this photo, and Michael knew Gabe's face quite well, he didn't have one either. And that meant one thing and one thing only. Unless their baby had been switched at birth Gabriel couldn't be Anthony's father.

For a long time, Michael just stared at the photo, the clock on the wall ticking away the seconds. Did Gabriel know that the boy he'd been mourning so deeply these last ten years was not his?

Not sure what to think, she set photos on the coffee table, locked her phone and made way her back down the hall, taking care to keep quiet. The last thing she wanted to do right now was talk to Gabe, not while she was trying to sort this out. She managed to slip back into bed without disturbing him, but sleep did not come easily.

_Did he know? If not, would it make things harder or easier if he did? What would be achieved by telling him at this late date? If he did know and he hadn't told her then what if --if anything-- did that mean?_

Anthony's parentage didn't have any bearing on their relationship, and Michael could think of many reasons why someone might keep that to themselves. A sense of propriety, Gabe feeling as if it truly did not matter, a sense of shame and humiliation, or perhaps he just didn't know. The last thought led her back to her first question. If he didn't know, was it her place to tell him?

She glanced at Gabe's nightstand clock, 3:30 a.m.

Whatever the case was it had kept for ten years thus far, it would keep for another night. Michael took a deep breath, filling her lungs to a slow count of five and exhaling to that same slow count as she sorted a few simple facts.

As of this moment, she simply didn't have enough information to form any conclusions. It was possible she'd overlooked a chin dimple on Ava or that what they knew to be true about the chin cleft was incorrect, and it wasn't auto-dominant in all cases. For example, as people aged, they might develop them due to a-symmetry. And in the worst-case scenario where Anthony wasn't his and Ava had kept that information from him, was there any benefit to him knowing now?

_"Not all truth must be told. Not all truth is timely, and when one speaks the truth, it must be done in such a way that does not burden the hearer."_

If she were right, three in the morning was not timely. Michael started to relax, amused by the idea of that thought until a grimmer thought struck her. If Ava had deliberately kept this information from him than was she not colluding with his long-dead wife to preserve that secret? Michael swallowed, misliking the idea that she might be somehow beholden to the secrets of  a dead woman. She shifted towards Gabe now, spooning up behind him an arm protectively across his chest and heart. He loved her, he was hers, just as much as she was his. 

A distinct dislike for the first Mrs. Lorca settled over her just then. Whatever she determined or decided in this case, ultimately, the only thing that mattered was how this information would affect Gabe.

* * *

Thanks again for reading.  Please feel free to take a moment to comment and let me know what you think. This fic is actually starting to wind down. There's just one arc after this and that will be the end of Adoration, phew. Anyway thanks again for reading and coming on this journey with me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some quick notes about pregnancy and BC. If you're not familiar with it the rhythm method, as it is commonly referred to, is a form of pregnancy prevention that basically relies on charting different phases of your menstrual cycle. On fertile days you either abstain from intercourse or use prophylactic methods like condoms and spermicide. It's nearly impossible to get pregnant from P-V intercourse near the end of the cycle. Research it for yourself of course, but there's no surprise pregnancy coming for Lorcham in this fic, sorry.


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